Trauma llama

   This whole week I won't be attending work. Something happened that kind of made it so that my brain is all confuzzled about life. It has to do with being forced to lay face down on the floor with a gun pointed at me and other people. SO.

Distracting myself doesn't come as easy as before. But I've been working on stock for Bat's Day Black Market. I'm not happy with what I have yet, so I'll be making more. Whether they'll be duplicates or new designs I've yet to decide. More duplicates are imminent though...I think. I also think a lot of these would do well on my Etsy. For now however, my focus is the Black Market.

I hope they all sell.

Yesterday I went to Trader Joe's to purchase food to binge on. So much for my healthier changes. I think I just want the food to make my brain happy and fulfilled. That way I won't replay negative memories as much?

The same evening that it occurred, my roommate Josh made a bold suggestion to me. He suggested I learn how to load/unload and shoot a hand gun. Reason for this was in the event that I find a hand gun somewhere, or am in a similar situation where the opportunity presents itself, I'll know what to do. Considering how that very morning I saw one 4 feet in front of me and had it pointed at me, it was a little OH GOD I CAN'T WTF WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME. However with both his and Rot's support, I was able to do finally do it. It really sucked at first lol. When he cocked it, I started crying because... psychology. It triggered my memory and I simply lost myself. So he took it away, came back and comforted me. Rot suggested I try it again, and so we did. Cried again, but I told him not to take it away. He had he hold it, which sucked lol. LONG STORY SHORT it ended with me aiming at the Blood Elf standee in our living room shouting obscene, angry, vindictive slurs imagining the gunman as my target. Which felt good.
Probably the most jacked up therapy I've received, but it helped me a LOT.
Not only that, but Rot experienced the same thing 3 times in 2 weeks at the same location. Eventually they got the guy and shot him. Talking about it with someone else who also went through the same thing made me feel better.
Also, I got so many messages and texts from people and phone calls asking how I was doing - I was overwhelmed as shit but I am grateful to everyone who extended their condolences and offered their assistance. Really, thank you.

Stupid memory. I remember his face, even though he wore a mask, so you could only see his eyes.
He had big, sorta bulgy brown eyes.

 

Kinda like that. Where they're so bulgy that you can see a considerable amount of white under the iris even when they look straight ahead. Except they were dark brown.

ANYWAY

Here's some stuff that's gonna be for sale at Bat's Day Black Market;

And I also made this super cute one: 

It's a commission for Trent. He was at Wondercon with DnD guy and me.
I hope he likes it!

Back to the factory.

Heroes

I guess people got over it. 

Just like how people will get over this in a week. 

It's disgusting, and the reason why I refuse to partake in any of it.

The people who were there hauling the casualties to safety and comforting them... 

You are Heroes. It must've been horrifying to walk into that, but they did anyway.

...Internet, you're such a good person.

You sent your thoughts out through Facebook and twitter.

Good job. You deserve all that admiration from your social media audience, you amazing person you!

DMs

     D M means so many things.

• Dungeon Master
• District Manager
• Depeche Mode
• Demetri Martin
• Dire Maul
• Deadmines
• Death Match

I went shopping today. Even though I didn't buy a bunch of stupid shit I spent so much money u_u waaaah.
 However these were more so investments intended for long term use. Probably doesn't justify it how I'd like it to but... I MEAN... LONG TERM. SO.

I ended up going to the Burbank mall with plans to get new work footwear and a new belt. I left my other one somewhere within a San Francisco bar in my ISP induced stupor. Other than that, nothing else really came to mind, but I always find myself browsing Tokyo Lifestyle for little kitchen knicks & knacks. Not this time!

My first stop was Vans to see if they had anything similar to the slips I already have. Nope. So then I went to Red Zone and after some internal debating I decided to go with plain black DM soft leather shoes. They didn't have the soft leather 14 eyelets I was hoping for, so I settled. I figure... it's for work anyway so... whatever. That and a belt that hopefully won't fall apart. We'll see how long it lasts. The sales guys were really nice.



When I left I stopped by a few other places to browse. That's when I saw this other shoe place that was kinda empty, but had a nice selection from what I could see through the windows. So I stopped in there and omg... they have the Docs I want! fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffuuuuuuu

The sales girl was really nice and we chatted for a bit. I looked at my reciept from the other place; No Refunds, Exchanges, or Store Credit. FCUK. However... it wasn't even 20 minutes since I bough them, so maybe I could work some kind of magic... I told her I'd be back. She wished me good luck and I made my way back there.

I felt like shit. But I got the refund. Don't wanna talk about it. I wouldn't have bothered if the shoes weren't as much as they were, but... I couldn't keep them and buy the 14 eyelets. It was just too much.
I went back to the other shoe place and the girl there had an empathetic smile on her face. We talked for a little bit while I tried them on and wriggled in them. I felt bad about the refund, but happy that I had found what I was looking for. IT IS WHAT IT IS.

I absolutely love my new 14 eyes.

They're also curved at the ankle giving them a more feminine look. 

SO CUTE

Oh, and Bath and Body Works happened. So... that was a thing.
Also while I was at the second shoe place I saw these really really cute running shoes. I want to start running but have NOTHING made for it! No sneakers, no stretchy pants thing (except for my leggings but that's... weird). All I have are literally boots, platforms, wedges, and platform mary janes. Oh and my flat Vans that are busted because after my work shoes ate shit, I used my Vans. Bad idea. ANYWAY... point stands. but but but... I saw those and thought hmmm. I'd get them.
And then I left, lol.
That's when I went into Aeropastale. Yup, I said it. They have cute cardigans and tops. The looks I got when I walked in were almost as amusing as they were nerve wracking.

In my browsing I saw athletic pant thingies. Like the spandex gym pant things. After a while of circling the store I decided to just buy them and do it. I keep telling myself that I'm gonna start running, but I can't... Now that I have this.. I SHALL. And the instant I was done with my purchase I went right back to the shoe place and bought that pair of running shoes. Initially she was worried that there was a problem with my Docs, and laughed when I told her why I had really returned.

Footwear is expensive. Ugh.

AREN'T THEY SO CUTE OMG

Hey my bangs used to be that color.

Loooooooves ^_^

They fit great, and are really comfortable! I love the purple accents ^_^

My only concern now is tainting my ivory calves with the Sun's rays. 

SPF 100... don't let me down!

Yay Doc Martens! 

They're amazing. SO worth the money.

The shiny 20 eyelet ones on the left I've had since 2009! The only wear on them are the creases and some little rips around the ankle on the pvc. Other than that... they're still solid. Haven't become unglued. The sole is still girthy. The zippers work just fine. I love them.

The DM mary janes I bought off Ebay for cheap. Durable as shit and worn in to be super comfy. I wear them all the time.

I really should invest in some polish.

What happened with the video shoot? Stuff. But I hope they have a good time!

Oh, also this.

Ugh they smell so good x_x

There was a sale, of course. 

Aaaaaand I lost some more weight! I'm really close to my goal of 98-100. Which normally would be considered freakish, but... I'm short! *happy dance*

Short ladies... embrace your tiny selves. Do it. 

I've simply been dieting. Most of what I've been drinking has been Gatorade and a coffee drink at work. My lunch/dinner would be something sandwhichy or a tv-dinner. Small portions. Not 100% "healthy", but I'm not over-indulging. There's no way in hell I'm giving up the food I love lol. Moderation is key! At least... for me it is. And it's been working. Also, getting a scale has helped so much in that I can keep track of my ... consequences.

Oh, and don't eat heavy shit before going to bed. If you must, snack on something light. Or drink water to fill yourself.

TIME TO EAT SOME TORTILLA CHIPS AND CHEESY SALSA STUFF ^_^

Opera

      The phaaaaaaaaantom of the aw-pur-aah is theeeeeeeere


Sorry, I just had this really awesome tv dinner. And it just made me want to watch The Phantom of the Opera on Netflix? I don't know.  The Albert Hall version. I don't know... I like the CATS musical so.

Christine is so drunk omg.

I don't even know what I'm going to write about. I just feel like writing something because that tv dinner was so good. 

I've been talking with some photographers who wanna do a thing. One I met at Wondercon, who every so sweetly sent me a photograph he captured of Harley's Joker last year at San Diego Comic Con. Sweeeeeet. And the other is like... mad max-y-ish with costumes and locales. It's weird because... I don't really... do that? lol. BUT THAT'S COOL. I mean. I'm down. On certain terms, but yeah. Who wants to be my escoooorrrt? We'll go get ramen.


I seek distractions. from a thing. An intangible thing. An unexpected intangible thing.
All hail queen of vagueness and cryptic... THINGIES

While watching the dance number after the intermission I recognize a lot of the choreography that's also in CATS. Is that weird? Sorry I'll calm down.

He's like... musically raping her. Do feminists like this musical? I don't even know.

This turned into a thing of me spurting out my thoughts while watching this.

I really want to get a jester cowl. And just wear it.


At this point... I want to go get something else to eat. but once I go into that hallway... I've committed. And I'm not sure if I'm actually THAT hungry. It would literally be... the Point of No Return. To a degree. And funny enough, I'm at that point in the musical.

This reminds me of V for Vendetta. Not because they really have anything to do with each other at all. But because they're both all like uhhhhg I love youuu I'm so ugly :(

Okay Rot just got home. TIME FOR FOODS.

Retarded entry brought to you by tv dinner and distractions.

Elation

  There are so many conventions coming up that I don't know what to do with myself.

I want to go to ALL OF THEM. Ugh. My boss would probably start worrying. I'D start worrying. In the past I've never bothered to attend much of anything, ever. I don't know. Also it sucks going alone (even though I mostly walk around by myself anyway) because of hotel costs. BUT I'M WEIRD. AND MY FRIENDS RATHER GO TO STUPID BAR SINISTER IN HOLLYWOOD. UGH.

Speaking of which... I have to go next month. To be supportive. I'm jk, I don't mind. Just no one talk to me, lol.

It's been 3 days and I've not worked on any of my charms. I find myself straying more and more to another style of making things that isn't really what I do, just to make a quota.
I have ideas of what to make, but not the actual way they'll look that would appeal to strictly uber goths, and it's discouraging me like crazy. I have some stuff made. Some I like, others ... personally I don't like, but I already used the clay and my time.
But.. people like Steampunk for some reason, so... who knows.
I'm almost out of translucent... if I order more I don't know that it'll get here on time. Bat's Day Black Market is in like 3 weeks or something. Also... I don't have anything to show them in? LOL I've NEVER done this before - no clue what I'm doing. I kinda wanna just bail to honest, but I already said I'd do it. I do that a lot.

Whoa negativity. I had this idea for something earlier that may work in the style I make them... but I already forgot it. Probably wouldn't sell anyway. Goths don't 'do' cute, right? -__-

I'm projecting. Stress things eeeee!

Ooh, I just made two sales on Etsy. Yay I'm happy again!

I've been talking with my two favorite cosplayers and it's more refreshing than I'd like to admit. Does that make me a creeper? That word is retarded.

Also I did this:

It's not my first choice of cosplay but entertaining the idea is a little fun. Harely's Joker approves! haha

Today was really good in that something happened and ... it was good.
Also.. groceries. Bonus!
I have two more days of work before the weekend, which I requested off. I'll be helping my cholos at Dawn of Ashes shoot their shit. And by shit I mean video. with the musics. I tried to make that sound as un-hollywoodish as I possibly could. I'm gonna be climbing on shit and screeching like a wombat. They won't even see it coming. DESTROY ALL THE SETS.
The next two days of work I'm actually looking forward to more than usual.
Also... those hazelnut macchiatos man... those hazelnut macchiatos.
And payday. I'm gonna need to save up every cent for the Blizzcon tickets + hotel. SO I CAN GO ALONE, YAY.

I want ramen. Someone take me out to get ramen.

Spreeeeee

  
    Money hasn't been much of an issue as of late, and I'm incredibly thankful... for working my ass off for myself so that I can enjoy things and buy shit. THANK YOU, ME. Because of you, I am able to do shit for myself.

Sorry, that was Satanist.

But LOOK! I'm so happy!

Ikeaaaaa! 

I got another table for my craft station. The one I had was too small and wobbly. Also, Josh got one. Him and Rot have a small thing going on where they refine and I guess you could say "refurbish" guitars. I suggested they get another table to work on. 

So Josh and I headed over to Ikea, where we spent the majority of our time wandering around looking for a spoon rest. They didn't have any! So we just got a black ceramic candle plate thing, lol.

My station looks so much better! And I also bought a lamp. How I didn't have one already is retarded, but problem solved.

Yesterday we also went grocery shopping. I don't think there's much else that exists that makes me as giddy as the feeling I get after we put away the groceries, and you just know... that fridge is full of everything you wanted. Those cupboards... stocked. ANY moment. You could just reach in there... and grab it. And indulge. Just... sigh. Sweet heaven. ^_^

Like right now... I bought cilantro and white onions to make this salsa I'm gonna put on my seasoned rice and pinto beans and it's gonna be so bomb. And we have steak and ground beef to mix in there. mmmmmmmm. That's so Hispanic. 

OH OMG

THIS MORNING, WHEN I WENT TO WORK, ONE OF MY CO-WORKERS EYED ANOTHER CO-WORKER AND GOES "Should we tell her?" ALL EVIL AND TEASINGLY LIKE AND STUFF- sorry I'm yelling.. All evil and teasingly and stuff and I'm like what?! Tell me what?! And she goes in the back and comes back out with a Nightmare Before Christmas mug. And I'm confused as shit! Then she tells me that D____ brought it to give to me! He's a regular that comes in almost every day, and I've known him since I started working there in 09. We would talk about World of Warcraft, and Diablo III. And he's soooo nice. So when she told me that I was like OMFG. You could say he's my sbux crush. We all have one! It makes things more exciting and fun to troll. 

It's sooooooo cuuuute! He said he had it sitting on his desk and never used it, so he thought I'd like it and brought it in yesterday morning. Unfortunately I didn't work, and I didn't get to see him today to thank him, but it made my day! What a sweetheart! ^_^

Anywho... I have lots of charms to work on, and dinner to cook. So I'm off! SQUEEEEEEEEEEeeeeee...!

Wondercon 2013

  Where do I start?! There's so much!


M a r c h  29, 2013  | Friday | Day 1

That morning around 9:15 I waited outside Chris's apartment for them to come down. We arrived around 11ish. Check in wasn't until 3PM, but we tried out luck and failed. She said to come back around 1PM. We got our parking pass and split for breakfast. IHOP! :D

I'm sad we don't have one around here. Or at least within 10 minutes of driving. Delicious!

We were there for a bit and headed back about a quarter til one. We still couldn't check in, so we just split for the convention and get our passes. BOY WAS IT CROWDED.

So cooooool

This guy's Ganon cosplays were amazing. I think I have a new cosplay crush.

YOU GUISE. IT'S CHEWBACCA. 

I saw Pedobear.

Logically, I had to go up to him and kiss him. Duh

Yup, total crush on him.

This little kid was bad ass. I swear he pulled out every pose ever done in the Star Wars universe and WORKED IT. 

And that's when my phone died.

We hung out a bit outside and as it got dark, we went to Denny's to go eat. Then back to our hotel. SORE FEET.

I love this shirt so much omg.

M a r c h  30, 2013  | Friday | Day 2 

 We woke up and headed back around 10ish. Trent was all about panels that day, while Chris and I wandered around looking for loot, (and for Harley's Joker). One of the first cosplays I saw that morning caught my eye and made me think of my dad.

El Chapulin Colorado! He's from a vintage Mexican comedy show. My parents and I used to watch it all the time when I was little. My dad loves it. When I saw him, I squeaked with joy and showed as much appreciation as I could that he was there. It was awesome!

...RIGHT?!

Cubone! ^_^

CUUUUUUUUUUUUTE

 

Those guys are awesome. They really commit to their characters!

you guise it's fucking BILLY, THE BLUE RANGER.

 IIII'M SOOO HAPPPYYY

 MMPF!

Look who it iiissss!

 I found him! I waited a little bit before I approached him. Everyone and their brother was trying to go in an capture him. At this Con he was here with Harley Quinn! They've worked on the costume for a few months now. The detailing was really cute ^_^

He told me that he saw me on Friday, when they were out of costume, and he said hi to me. I didn't hear/see him! D'oh! I was actually looking forward to seeing him on Friday. Oh well! YAY SATURDAY HELLOS

Can I keeeeep him?

^_^

GUESS WHO ELSE I SAW?!

Kent! Bar Sinister's MC. It's funny, we run into each other every now an then at the weirdest places. IT'S SO SURPRISING THAT WE FOUND EACH OTHER HERE.

JK, no it's not. haha <3 br="">

 LOVE HER. I saw her walk by at the food court and my jaw dropped to the ground and died.

Then I found her again! ^_^

Professor Putricide thinks I'm beautiful ^_^ heheheheheheeh!

 eeeeeee! ^____^

 GIR

SQUEE

I like him. He's awkward ^_^

 He was cosplay Ganon from Wind Waker. le sigh

 Yup. Crushing.

So... these guys were there. They caused a lot of commotion and at one point, some chick flashed her boobs.  I felt bad for them because people started getting really obnoxious. Like there was this one chick who kept yelling out something about a spaghetti monster. It was more like shrieking. Over and over and over again. People were shouting other things, and it just became this loud, obnoxious environment for a little while that was just as off-putting as the sign holders.

This guy looked really cool. He said I looked familiar. No idea!

 After a while we went back to the hotel and napped. The masquerade was at 9 I think, so we headed back there to check it out. It was basically a costume contest, but only cosplayers that hand made their costumes could enter. It was pretty neat.

We didn't stay long after they were all called out. Chris was sore, and we were hungry. So we split. 

Denny's.

M a r c h  31, 2013  | Friday | Day 3

 The Deadpools were hilarious all weekend.

I love them, lol.

 I remember you!

 I took this one for Autumn.

 SIGH.

 He asked me a riddle! I probably answered it wrong, but I got a free t-shirt out of it! :D

Best taco stand ever. mmmpf

Oh, internet...

 D'awww.. I messed this up. The sun made it difficult to see what I was aiming at. OH WELL THEY'RE ADORABLE.

 There were a group of chill dudes that were having a discussion with one of the 'missionaries' and everyone was respectful of each other. It was good brain food.

 He hit on me when I asked to take their picture, to be part of the community! WEIRDO.

jk, idgf.

The eeennnd....

This con I came prepared with savings! lol
It was cool though, and I was glad to support the amazing artists that set up there. Now I just need to get some frames to hang up all this awesome stuff!

Those are the ones Chris got, lol. :(

Aren't they adorable!?

It was such an amazing weekend. I'm sad it's over but so so happy to have all these memories! I'm glad to be home, and I sort of am looking forward to work again. I also have commissions and more charmsies I wanna finish, so woohoo! 

As far as San Diego Comic Con goes... I can't go. I'd love to go, but the tickets have all sold out, and they are being scalped for far too much money :(

It's unfortunate... but on the bright side, it gives me time to design and maybe put together a cosplay all of my own for next year! We'll see :D