Holiday | 2013

    Holidays. They're over now, yes. And this will be incredibly outdated-- as I've basically slacked so damn much throughout the entirety of it. But here you are still, about to begin the reading it all. Thanks :P


This will probably be in increments, and this entry will mostly be a photo dump.

I will elaborate a bit though. 

A couple weeks ago, in celebration of Fetts' latest completion on ... a thing, Lauren suggested we go out and do something nice. We did exactly that, and feasted on delicious seasonal pancakes at none other than IHOP.

I had been struggling monetarily for pretty much the entire duration of the holidays. 

If anyone has any clue what that's like you understand how every little thing has to be calculated, and you become meticulousness incarnate.

It was annoying.
Especially annoying during a holiday that is so centered around gifting. Many of us like to tell ourselves that it is, but then secretly resent our close ones who actually execute that belief system.
Anywho...
so...
This had made me into a Grinch. I didn't wanna go out anywhere, or do anything, because everything costs money. My priorities were bills and rent. That's it.

That's when Fett comes over to pick me up, and drives us somewhere a ways away from here. Once we get there is when he morphs into his final form: The Map.

My jaw drops.
Where the fuck were we?
"Don't worry about it"

 I still don't know where exactly "Candy Cane Lane" is. I've heard people mention it being in Burbank, but the drive was longer... so it couldn't have been there. And I've heard people mention Woodland Hills, but I dunno. I could Google it-- but rather not spoil it I guess.

 Candy Cane Lane is basically a magical wonderland of all of the Christmasness all up on houses for blocks and blocks and blocks and blocks. It's like literally magic and I literally died.

 And there was so much traffic, but it was to be expected because it was the first night. Everyone was driving very slowly, but also miraculously very respectfully, and quietly.

That truly was...

 a Christmas miracle.

 of course this one doesn't participate.

 ew.

 At the most extravagant house was a gathering of a small orchestra that we guessed was from a local High School. There were tons of people gathered around taking in the holiday spirit and view of it all. It was definitely a splendor I've not witness before amongst neighbors and common folk coming together like this.

I left there inspired and feeling rejuvenated. I had to make Christmas count this time.

And then...
and then and then and then...

like a week or two later, I don't even remember, Fett tells me that myself and Lauren have passes to join him and his friend at Disneyland if we so desired. UH, YEAH?

So. That was a thing.
That morning we went over to Fetts and left to his friends house from there, then split for Anaheim.

ouch my eye is burning again. I'm starting to think it's the red liner I use. hm.

Anywho, we got there and CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS! :D
We had, Lauren and I, officially visited Disney during most of the themed thingies. :DDD
Something I never thought would ever happen!

 oh, shut up.

You knew this was coming.

 This was in the waiting area to watch the Bug's Life show. I liked it a lot, it reminded me of Maraudon in World of Warcraft :P

 California Adventure of course was also a thing. 

It's so beautiful at night with all the lights ^_^

I didn't take as many pictures there that time, just because I don't want you guise to get tired of Disney, I guess.



Anywho. I just unloaded a crap load of photos off my phone for part 2. Yeah.

If I wasn't tired and hungry I'd keep going. Bleh. I miss working not 6 days a week. >_<

WELL, GOOD NIGHT. :P
Stay tuned for Part 2

Add on

   When he strokes his fingers down your form and glides them over the ugly scars and the area where you've put on weight
looks you in the eyes after your make up has come off,
then goes on to kiss you with abandon,
overlooking every flaw you've ever damned about yourself that has bled into so many prior aspects of your day to day life...

It's nothing at all like my not wanting to be seen as I am in my own skin for fear of being put down again-- how that had bled out into my daily routine, losing motivation in all I did and not wanting to try anymore. Feeling ugly, gross, undesired, and seen as a chore.

I have been doing well- better on my own. But he has become an add-on to my life that has amplified my burst damage towards everything life has thrown so far. I just got hit with 3 bombs that could change my life drastically moving forward, depending on how things pan out with my family. I don't wanna talk about it, but it sucks.
Despite all that I look forward to things, and feel refreshed. I can't believe how much it's changed my outlook.
It's like... okay it's like I'm World of Warcraft, and I have my own UI, and I'm fine as I am. Like, I'm good. I do what I gotta do and it works, but then like Combustion Helper gets installed and suddenly I'm like... damn this is NICE. Like I know my rotations and when to go for the crit prompts, but CH just makes everything so much nicer, and I want to do better because I have this add on now that's enhancing what I already have, instead of telling me how shitty I am.

Best analogy ever?

Like I know I'm not shitty, far from it. Except when someone in particular either encourages that or deliberately belittles that, it can do a lot to you on an emotional level, which can manifest either really positively, or really negatively.

Climbing out of one side of the spectrum, to a neutral field, then finding myself in the completely opposite spectrum has done all kinds of wonky things to my self esteem. My cynicism has evolved into a Charizard, which undoubtedly tests his patience-- though he seems to have zero qualms with my constantly pushing him away. It's like I'll put walls up time and time again, and he's just like nope. He tells me to shut up, smiles at me, and goes in to exactly what I feared he wouldn't. Wall gone. I wonder how transparent I am to him. He says he can read me easily, and enjoys challenges? And like, leaderboards? I dunno, he's an achievement whore on XBOX 360 so.

I guess what it comes down to is... I'm seeing someone who has breathed a life into me that I thought I didn't want. Because of that, I feel better about everything else in my life. It's stupid, and cliche, but wow... it's a really nice feeling.
And like.. I hate my scars. And I gained 3 lbs again I think-- or at least that's what it looks like?  Or maybe I'm just bloated? idk-- he doesn't care! He still wants to hug me and be with me and kiss me and that's a big deal to me, lol.

That sounds really, really pathetic, but hey... until you've lived both ends of the spectrum... stfu. :P

While I've been here in Harrisburg I'd wake up in the middle of the night, like right now, it's 6AM, and he'd be awake and we'd have things.

I'd like to preserve these things because... they make me happy.

STFU.

  

a fortnight




I cannot wait to be in LA again.

PS: Don't worry... there's a ton of shit coming from the last 2 weeks!