Blizzneyland

    One of the coolest things about Blizz is the events team and how they put things together for everyone to enjoy. A show of appreciation for employees and their loved ones. Among the awesome opportunity to kiss a llama on campus, I was also able to visit Disneyland- which I could already do, but this time around, it was with everyone from work. 

It wouldn't have been nearly as amazing or magical, had it not been for Chicken.

My dear Taurus is a lover of lavish comforts. 

I'm also an earth sign, but also a hobo and a lover of sub-par, simple pleasures.

So when Chicken booked us (just barely before they sold out) a room for the weekend at the Grand Californian Hotel, I just about shat my entire soul out.

My entire soul.

 He did this same exact thing last year for the company holiday party- except at the Disneyland Hotel. And, yeah, I shat out my soul then, too.

I will never get used to it. Ever. 

My parents worked hard to give me a good life. Even though I was an only child, and they spoiled me, I watched them work hard. And that will always stay with me. I overcompensate for that by not allowing myself to feel entitled to ANYTHING.

So when my Chicken spoils me this way, I appreciate the absolute living shit out of him. And I'm so proud of him. And happy to have him in my life. Because he's just so awesome to me, and us. 

We didn't go into the park until around 3:30ish. The event wouldn't start until later after everyone left the park, so we took it easy and enjoyed the day. 

There's a wine place in California Adventure we hadn't tried before. I had the sparkling wine, he had the draft. They were incredible!

As it got darker, we walked back up to our room and rested a bit before walking over to Disneyland. It was really, really, really nice to be able to walk right into the hotel from inside the park. Like... damn.

 Observe the Hei Hei shirt because Chicken.

 The most awesome thing about this was seeing everyone from work, at Disneyland!!! 

The coolest part about my work is that I get to meet and interact with EVERYONE. It's the best perk. So everywhere we went, there were smiles and waving. And it felt amazing. Everyone was happy and the energy was incredible.

Around 9:30, Jack Sparrow came out on a boat and introduced JAB. Or Jabby, as I like to call him. 

Ah, so cool. After his speech, Fantasmic came on, and it was so beautiful! In all the times I've visited Disneyland, Fantasmic isn't really something I bother to watch because I'm probably crouching somewhere, viciously gnawing on a turkey leg and snorting a margarita. 

So for this one, we stuck around.

 Goofy's such a slut. Good for him

 The SHORTEST WAIT TIMES OF MY LIFE. Every other time we've gone, it's been stupid wait times for Space Mountain or Haunted Mansion. However, that night, some weird ass alternate dimension shit somehow... transversed (is that a word) into this reality, and the lines went straight to the churro stands. But there was no wait time for Space Mountain. Or really any other rides. 

We had the park to ourselves, but we are a hangry people, with mighty needs. Of sweet cinnamon sugary warm bread noodles. 

Also, they were free. And I can't imagine the insanity that went into producing unlimited amounts of churros all night, but damn those cart vendors did it. And I applaud them. 

I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THEY WERE FREE. NO ONE DID. It was in print on our brochure for the event, but lol no one reads that xD. But a little after 4, we finally decide to get some churros. 

I go to pay the lady and she looks at us and goes, 

"are you here for Blizzard?" 

I'm like yeaass? 

She's like, "do you have the wristband?"

"*sloppily shows wristband*"

It's free then! Here you go!

gorl  W H A T

She hands me the two churros.

I turn around and look at Chicken. He starts smirking and says, "oh yeah. They're free lol"

He forgot -___-

From that moment forward, I made it my duty as a responsible, concerned disneyland go-er to tell everyone from work who I talked to that night about the free churros. Many of them nani'd harder than I did, but at least now they knew. Definitely by the end of the night though, everyone knew.

We stayed up late and ordered room service at 3 am. 

The next morning, as we were going through security to enter the park, one security guard noticed we were both wearing Diablo shirts. Chicken went on ahead past the bag check, and he asked me what class I liked, followed by a bit a small talk. 

The second security guy was at the metal detector. He also noticed both of our shirts. 

He complimented me, then asked if I had heard about Immortal. 

 "what did you think about it?", he grimaced.

I said to him how during Blizzcon, I played it 4 times and found it really enjoyable and polished. And how much I was looking forward to it. 

His arms were still crossed, but his brow was no longer furrowed. He nodded, almost stunned as I smiled my response. Then added, "yeah, a lot of people are talking about it. It's definitely different" I said, "yeah I'm looking forward to it" and merrily skipped away.

We ended our Friday park visit with an evening at the Napa Rose. 

Our bartender, Joe, was such a delight. He also knows how to give you exactly what you ask for. And sometimes, even when you don't know exactly what you're asking for, and he knows it, he's got you. 

 I have no idea what I was drinking. But I told him I like sweet, strong drinks. He asked me if I wanted to get drunk lol, I said I wanted to be really really giddy. And man.... I was LAUGHING

We met up with someone from work who was also staying at the Grand Californian. 

Best evening

 and then after my third drink, I was walking back up to the room and looking into the toilet bowl. 

I didn't succumb and held my liquor, but Joe's drinks hit me like a truck LOL.

All good. Disneyland magic doesn't just fall apart so easily. I think the only thing that can really defeat Disneyland magic is a large family that can't agree on anything.

On our last morning at the hotel, we decided to go the early morning magic hour thingy. Where you show up at the park at 7AM and get a bonus hour. It's exclusive to passholders and hotel guests I think- something like that. I will say, it was pretty nice, despite it being fucking COLD

We went on haunted mansion before our breakfast reservation. This place has taro pancakes!!! 

We left shortly after, and like, napped or something. Since Monday was a holiday, it was like we still had a weekend left after our mini vacation.  

So fun. Also, Disneyland is terrible if you're someone how prefers to spend responsibly. We suck.

SO, Instagram is creepy in that it somehow knows I like food, like, a lot. And a sponsored post came up on my feed of this place with pictures of really bomb ass looking noodles and boba tea. And I'm like, omfg that looks amazing??! 

But, I hate sponsored posts, so I ignored it. 

Months later, I'm at Chicken's place and we're trying to pick somewhere to eat, when I remembered that fucking post from instagram of those bomb ass noodles. And couldn't for the life of me remember what the place was called. I searched for like, an hour, trying to find anything noodle related in the area, to no avail. 

THEN, months later, the POST COMES UP AGAIN. I recognize the noodles and I think I like, screamed. I immediately clicked on their stupid ad and looked the place up AND 

THERE'S ONE NEAR MY HOUSE

 AND AND AND

AND

This place is SO good. It's like, dope low-fi chill food lol. They have soups, noodles, fried rice, and boba tea, a little bit of everything. Comfort food. I love it so much. We went twice in a week. oof

 dis muh face

PIERCINGS YAY

so, dis GORL SO COURAGEOUS asks me about piercings (from work) Imma call her Flower ^^

because she's been wanting to get a new piercing for a while, but hasn't. I understand that lol. Until one day, we plan the day annnnnd we go :)

 She did so amazing. Not a single flinch. And our piercer was also great.

 For moral support, I also got another piercing. The last time I did this was when someone wanted to get her nostril pierced, and she was scared shitless, so I said I'd get pireced with her. And now it's just... idk. But then, she wanted me to go first. This time around, Flower wanted to go first. And she nailed it!

Now both my traguses are pierced, yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

super crunchy. would not recommend. bitch to heal. it's fine now, but those first few days really suck lol. 

 food truck rush day is da best day at work evaaaar

  Also saw my bff yesterday after work. It made me realized how much my relationships have shifted over the last few years. Keep your loved ones close.

All this aside, the new year has been a bit turbulent for me. Mostly ups. But there's this constant weight that pulls at me. It was supposed to be over at the end of last month. March will be unfathomable for my little hobo brain. But significantly better. 

I sleep nao ^_^

10 Years

So, this was written a few weeks ago. I honestly wasn't sure whether or not to publish it because it seems kinda repetitive with the "love yourself" stuff that's in currently, but maybe this could help someone? I wasn't sad or going through anything. Just an observation ^_^

   There's this meme thinger where people post a photo of themselves from 10 years ago to compare what they look like now. I did that. Nothing's changed for me. But then there's another where people talk about where they were at 10 years ago. This can regard anything. 

And I wanna take a moment to reflect and stress the lessons I've learned in those 10 years up to where I am now. 

This goes 11 years back, actually. 

At 20 years old, my motivation for moving out was the romantic long distance relationship I then had with an entertainer. Our relationship was kept alive through video games, the only medium where we could "be" together in. I moved across the country for my lover. But, I had no real plan set for myself, other than the idea of being close to him. For me, back then, that was enough to uproot my life across the country.

My life, I found out quickly, became revolved around him. Not because he insisted it, but because I had made him the center of it. Everything he was involved with was something that I held onto for myself, and while I wanted to be his cheerleader, it was really all that I had. Without him, I had nothing. And that's so fucking depressing. It's not a me that I'm proud of. 

Granted, through him, I met many many people who I've made incredible bonds with. To this very day, we still keep in touch. And those memories will forever be cherished. But, for almost 5 years, I followed him around like a puppy. Aimlessly. Without a direction of my own, or any real definition for myself.

This is the romance that I thought I wanted to have. To sacrifice my all in order to achieve a life with this person. I thought I was doing the right thing, but it was a disservice to myself and my dignity. But at the time, nothing else mattered. Juvenile mentality. If I could travel back in time, I would punch myself in the face.

Eventually, I exhausted myself trying to keep up with an idealized "Love" I thought was supposed to be all or nothing. It left me feeling neglected, sad, alone, bored, and ultimately just feeling really crappy about myself. And that lead me to breaking it off- which at the time felt like the hardest thing to do in the entire world. I had to sever my mental life line. My vein of shitty happiness, which wasn't even happiness, it was just shit. I'd resent him and be mad at him because I was bored and wanted validation from him constantly- I was so insecure! I demanded from him to include me in things- I wanted to be involved in his career. While he did include me in certain subtle ways, they weren't enough, and my self-esteem would plummet when he'd try to reason with me. I was so young.

How embarrassing. My early 20s were a mess. 

In hindsight, this is probably the period in my life where I learned most about what it means to Grow and mature as a person. There was still an infantile view of the world and how Love is "supposed" to function. It wasn't until he moved out and I had time to myself that I realized how much I had let his life overshadow my own. And it was my own fault. I was so in love with wanting to be in love, that I fucked myself over. By this time, I was 25, almost 26. 

In that time that I was single, it wasn't long before another relationship found me. He was 6 years younger than me, and really liked me. I was put off by the idea of dating, but eventually, ended up being together for almost 2 years. During that time, I found myself wanting more independence, because I saw some of my romantic old world habits in this younger lover. And I found myself, in small ways, becoming my ex.

by 27 I wanted to go back to school and do something; but for myself. I moved a few times, but remained within the same area. But when the commute to school became too much, I finally took the biggest leap for myself and moved to Orange County. I transferred through my work, and attended school until math kicked my ass, and discouraged me enough to withdraw from the class and never return. During this time, the people I encountered taught me what it meant to be a trophy, but also taught me to be devious. With this, my confidence grew. I went after what I wanted, and while things may have gone differently than I intended, at least I would have results.

by 29 I mutated into this adorable, callous, executioner type that just wrecked everything in my way. I held onto the friends I trusted, anyone else no longer existed. I became focused on my work, my life, my family, and GAMES

the spring of my 30th year, I started the most incredible journey. From there, everything has been nothing short of a blessing.

What I learned in the last 10 years - Put yourself FIRST.

We muse and romanticize what love is or what it's supposed to be and become so obsessed with it that it ruins us. These ideas of what relationships are supposed to be vs the partnerships that enrich your life are crazy different.

It's so important to find yourself, and learn to love yourself. It doesn't make sense, and it sucks because it's been said to me a million times in my 20s- by that ex, but I didn't understand. Not until I felt comfortable on my own. Being able to support myself and being on my own, alone, and realizing that life goes on because it's mine and I dictate how things will be.... was a realization that changed everything. Depending on others for happiness is a mentality that can turn extremely toxic if we're not strong enough to hold our own. And I wish I knew it earlier on. But I know it now.

While I am in an amazing relationship now, I wish that being single wasn't so looked down upon. Because it's okay to be solo. They're the most sobering and liberating times in our lives. We are in control and answer to no one.

And when that dope person comes along, and you're both at that point, you become partners. A team. And when you both bring your awesome lives together, it creates this awesome new thing that is like, a mod you add to your game.

Like, your life is this game you love. And it's fine, and you play it and do stuff and get quests done and whatever. Gear up, level up. Right? And then you get a mod for whatever. It doesn't take away from anything you've achieved, it just enhances something you're fond of.

That's goals. That's a dope ass relationship.

If you can relate to the stuff I was writing about from my early 20's, right now .....

THIS AIN'T IT, CHIEF.