WHO WANTS TO KNOW

 

   Man. Did you guys know that if you, just maybe like exactly 14 seconds before the flu virus infects you- as you see it coming at you- you can Just Gotta Take Responsibility, and it goes away? Just.. gone. It's probably the most solid advice I have ever got in my life.

I think, definitely, in between traveling with my loved ones and genuinely enjoying life, I'll totally reflect on that and just banish the flu virus as it knocks on my immune system and asks to come in.
Well, silly me. And boyfriend. And housemate. and the nurses who helped me. We just... we're simple minded folk who don't know any better. So we all got the flu :(

According to the nurses, this years' strain was beefy. Nasty little fucker that still managed to penetrate immunization defenses. I think we got it while we were flying home from Europe. 12 hour flight, stale air, babies everywhere, coughing... bleugh.

 I was out of work for a week. During that time, I was at home in quarantine, which felt like the longest physically demanding week of my life. My housemate also had the flu. That was a good time. We'd sing duets of coughs, sneezes, miserable groans, and exchanges of our woeful existence.

I was very fortunate and lucky to have incredible loves bring me and have delivered some yummy noms.
Note; The flu is new to me. I don't recall having gone through this level of suckage while ill. I've definitely had the cold, strep throat, fevers, all of the "I don't feel good" boxes checked off, but the flu is a beast I was not prepared for. It's HORRIBLE. My god. It lingered for a total of just short of two weeks for me. Well done, flu virus. Well done, indeed. But next year, I will see to it personally that your efforts fall short... for you are no match, and will be so utterly at the mercy of  jUsT tAKe rEsPoNsIbiLiTY



Little updates.

I officially have a craft area now. Chicken took it upon himself to surprise me with this awesome desk light so that I never have to, essentially bitch about the lighting in my room lol. This is great. Now if only I can get over my insecurities with clay and just do it, we'll be in full swing!

The worst thing about this is that I can't just think of something and execute it. Like, with photos that I want to do, there's more room for trial and error. With clay, it's almost endless aggravating trial and error because I'm dealing with a 3 dimensional object, that I'm creating with human hands. And tools. But when perfectionism comes in to play, it's cruel to passion. I struggle a lot with that sculpture you're seeing in the photo. I took on way too much for my skill set. But.... learn and grow! Important value. I wouldn't trade this for anything else though. I like clay. I like holding things, and working with my hands. Feeling the texture, shape, size, layers and crevices I made... I love holding it in my hands. It just sucks sometimes lol, and I say that lovingly.

The other night, Nyl (my housemate- that is what we shall call her) took us out for the evening. Our first stop was the public library.

It's been a long time since I've been to one. With the internet making books so easily accessible, it's eliminated my wanderlust for those quiet little sanctuaries. But I really liked being there. My camera was being weird that night for whatever reason, so some of these pictures will look wonky. If you can't notice it, great.

For dinner, she wanted fries.

 Best fries; tikka masala poutine

I've had poutine in Canada, and it was yummy. But it was not

tikka masala poutine yummy.

When work has a sidewalk sale and the bags you get there are massive:

ALRIGHTY. Weird talk time

So, this book was suggested to me with the description of it being so beautifully written that the reader almost forgets and empathizes with what is being read. Additionally, it's gained the reputation of being a renowned piece of literature of the 20th century. To that, my response was basically a summarized; what the fuck- that's so messed up. I can't fathom that.

I like challenges. Give me the challenges.


To preface; look

 What I will say is that this book has completely enraptured me. And that it takes a beloved memory, and hauls ass with it into an extreme. It is extremely beautifully written. I will admit. And it's challenging me a lot lol. But, I really like it. I recommend it. There's much let for me to read, but so far, it's been very captivating.

This last weekend was Wondercon. It'd been a while since I cosplayed, and wanted to do something. But this time I just went with a thing I personally really like but was comfortable and subtle enough that it wouldn't be insanely loud.

Chicken is a Stargate nerd

Yay!

Uhh.. so yeah this was literally just a cosplay of a vinyl toy that went up for pre-order last year but I totally missed out on it T_T

If anyone is familiar with 

Luke Chueh stuff, he came out with the white and gold one a little while back, and most recently the black and gold edition. It's cute.

No one recognized it lol. Not even the dude who was selling Chueh's stuff at his booth. But that was to be expected. It was cool though. The only thing was that I kept wanting to drink out of the cup, but couldn't because the stuff in that would've been nasty.

The coolest thing... Luke acknowledged my cosplay via social media. And it made me happy lol. It's the most insignificant thing, but when your muse notices you, it's like.... ahhhhh.

Happened when Charles Band liked my Leech woman cosplay, when Junji Ito acknowledged my sculpture, and now with Chueh. REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Makes me feel less crappy about my artistic endeavors, haha


Putting the cosplay together was pretty simple though. I already had the jacket and gloves. Just had to make the helm and drink prop.

 The drink was made twice. I messed up the first time (and spilled it)
The "boba" pearls were just little balls I rolled out of yellow clay and baked.
The "liquid" was translucent slime made from clear elmers glue and slime activator. All found for super cheap at wal-mart.
The black was done with gel food coloring I already had at home, but can be acquired off amazon.

The first drink prop I didn't like because the boba pearls looked too yellow and didn't match the gold on the helmet very well.

Soooo, after an accidental spill (which was for the best anyway) I rinsed off the pearls, let them dry and gave them a quick coat of gold acrylic paint. Unfortunately, the paint didn't hold well within the element of the glue. It began to peel or melt off. But, by that point I called it and it was done and that was that lol. Turned out okay, methinks ^_^

 The con was fun. We got to relax and wander. I missed it!

 Thank you for putting up with my weird interests lol

Also this booth is beautiful

 Rococo Nightmare before Christmas cosplays were incredible. They were in the middle of a shoot, so I didn't interrupt, but omg T_T so beautiful!

Aye Howard

 SO CUTE I LOVE THEM

This show was one of my favorites growing up. I'd watch it with my fam while eating dinner. Ahhh

 Dinnnnooooooooo

 Was a fun weekend, ended with milkshakes and amazing company ^_^


Earlier this week, we had an appointment to make in Hollywood.
 It literally started out as someone from work saying he went out to Cloak, and people there asked if he knew me, and I was like wtf is Cloak? He said it's a club. I looked it up. Members only. I was gonna just let it go at that, but decided to try to sign up anyway- totally not thinking I'd get in.

WELP. Fast forward to earlier this week aaaannnnnd, I'm dragging Chicken with me back to my Hollywood club days. Poor thing. 

He got black clothes just for this event, precious boy.

Note; Chicken is not goth. At all. He's .... a very quiet, tech motivated geek who is afraid of big groups of people, loud places and bright lights. So for him to be there with me was a big step out of his comfort zone- also I wasn't expecting to get in, so this all kind of was a little bit out of the blue. I don't go to clubs anymore. I would, if my best friend and I went together. But the zest for that lifestyle is pretty much gone. Still, Chicken's been great about tolerating (and even accepting) my weird thingies when they pop up.

 When I parked and we go out into the street, it smelled like pee.

Um, so we were supposed to be there before a certain time, and we were. But apparently too early. The event didn't start until 10pm. We were there around 9:15pm. I figured if we arrived early, we could leave early because we had work the next day. But... I forgot how late clubs open.

So, after apologizing too many times, we got dinner at some sushi place.

Was one of those places where presentation matters more than anything else. Our Hollywood fish was not as glamorous as our usual sloppy all-you-can-eat sushi joint, but it looked cool I guess. 

Jesus. 

SO. We went back a little after 10pm. First in line. Chicken jokingly said that it'd probably still take a while to open- "fashionably late." It was a joke, but he was right. Unsure of what to do, I asked the door guy a question regarding meeting someone. His response was a dry "depends. who wants to know." as he took a puff out of his oversized cigar, not even looking at or addressing me.

This..... LA Weekly, Ministry reject looking fucker gave me the shittest attitude because I asked him a question. And shrugged me off pretending I didn't exist. I wanted to respond with "your low budget background music video extra" but kept my cool. Said what I said and left it at that. 

You know what. Maybe he had a bad night. Maybe he's a cool dude, and was just in a bad mood that night, and I was unfortunately the target of that projection. But... I deal with projection every day, and I'm exhausted. okay. If you're pissed off, deal with that shit at home and leave it there. Ya look bad, man.

THAT ASIDE, 

Everyone inside was awesome and really nice.

This little gift we each received was really nice too. 

The place was beautiful. We mosied over to a booth in the corner and watched as people began to arrive and fill in the emptiness of the venue. 

We basically were just gremlins in the corner. Then, out of the darkness and smoke, emerged a familiar figure. He looked straight at us. My jaw dropped. His jaw dropped. Annnnnnnnd joy consumed me while I succumbed to the familiarity in Taliesin's bear hug. Ahhh it was so good to see him! He gave Chicken the biggest bear hug too. We chatted for a bit before he made his way elsewhere. And we resumed our gremlin station. Shortly after, Erika stopped by to say hello. I can't stress enough how nice it is to see familiar faces in a completely alien place lol. It's a massive relief. She looked incredible T_T 

And finally, I recognized someone from work! HUGS. HUGS EVERYWHERE. She brought us over to her table and we cozied up there until we left around midnight. 

The night started weird-ish, but ended on a great note. It had gotten extremely crowded so we had to just kinda aggressive wiggle through the crowd, but finally made it out. The line to get in was insane outside. We were ready to split. 

I was in bed by 1am. I had to be up for work at 5:15. 

Suffice to say that everything that day was awful, at least through my mental processor. As soon as I got home, I laid down on the couch, played Candy Crush on my phone before I began dozing off. Then moved to the other couch in the den, and passed out around 5pm. I woke up at 12:32 AM. Got up, washed and went to my room and passed out the entire night. Until I had to get up at 5:15 again.

So. 12 hours of sleep was nice.

This week, Chicken surprised me with the arrival of the pre-order he made for me as a Christmas present last year. She FINALLY came in!!

Kotobukiya came out with a Pinhead and I... I can't. She's so beautiful.

These pictures of horrendous but I was just excited to open her and set her up. But the DETAIL. Ohhhh my god. SHE'S BEAUUUUTIFULLLL.

One of these days, I'm gonna try and capture some nice shots of some of my horror figures. My room is just the worst background because there's a lot happening. It looks extremely busy in photos, so it's hard to have the subject be the main focus. If I had a better eye with a camera none of that would even matter, it's just a crappy excuse but... I suck lol

she's soooooooooooooooooooo pretty omgggg

Anywho. lol.... patience is a virtue. It really is! I'm learning that a lot lately. I like to think that patience is a strength of mine- but when it comes to upholding that when someone projects on me... that's a new challenge. I'm well aware that those moments are rarely about the target, and more to do with the person who can't hold it together. My challenge is meeting that with sympathy instead of a freezing dismissal. But it's hard because I don't care lol.




:D

Honestly I don't even know lol

  Soooo...

Honestly, I'm probably just gonna ramble. Or not, idk. Just... I wanted to somehow capture this moment because I'm so at peace right now for whatever reason.

Like... After getting home from Italy, one day into work, I had to go home early because my sore throat was getting a little weird. It was getting worse. So, last Wednesday, the flu hit me like a TRUCK. I could be very mistaken, but I don't think I've ever gotten that sick. I've had colds, but it's not often that my body succumbs to illness. At most, I'm croaky 2 days tops and it's gone. I've even been so bold as to kiss Chicken last year while he had the flu~ nothing came of it. 

Apparently this year though, whatever strain that was.. it was nasty. People who had been vaccinated even fell to its shittacular effects.

But now I'm gooood! And it's a friday night. I'm sitting here, contented, with a happy tummy full of mac n cheese. Won a few OW mystery hero matches, and listening to Lo-Fi.

Ah, and Sekiro will be in my cluthes on Tuesday, courtesy of Chicken ^-^

He's getting it for PC and PS4 (for himself) to compare how they play. What a scientist.

ANYWHO. I'm gonna do one of these thingies. I used to do them all the time when I kept a Livejournal. Also I'm in a really good mood tonight and.. I just.. idk.

This is dumb lol

• Are you “with” the very last person you kissed?

like boyfriend-girlfriend!??!?!

• Ever dated/kissed a someone with the name Casey, Tyler, Ryan, Jordan, Colton, Rebecca, Samantha, Lauren, Taylor, or Ashley?

lol, yes. I dated a Jordan in high school. He taught me how to assemble computers.

• Was your last kiss, standing up, sitting down, or lying down?

Tippie toesies! ^-^

• Are you happy with the choices you’ve made?

Si! As dopey as it sounds, I'm good now because of those choices. The past happened, aaaaannd tomorrow is a new day- new chances to do things and move forward. Always move forward :D

• Are you excited for anything?

Mi familia! I get to see them in April after several years. It's going to be monumental for all of us.

• Do you hate the last person you kissed?

Wait... wat

• You’re stuck in an elevator with one of your worst enemies, what do you do?

Smile at them

• Will this weekend be a good one?

It can be!

• Are you mad at someone right now?

Nah. Negative feels can be so taxing. Let it goooo

• Do you like to listen to the radio in the car?

Spotify? Spotify, yes.

• Do you sleep with a fan on?

There is a small rotating fan type thing in the LED light I use to get to sleep :3

• How is your hair right now?

It looks like.... spiders. And it's glorious

• Have you ever broken up with someone for someone else?

Yes! High school.

• How many windows are open on your computer?

3

• How tall are you?

5 foot, 2 inches

• Is something bothering you?

Yes, actually. It bothers me a lot that many folks cannot bring themselves to think beyond what is presented directly in front of them. Many articles, new stories, rhetoric, fear mongering, and emotionally charged arguments are often taken at face value without further assessment, and mobs form because these scenarios trigger in many people a sense of wanting to belong to a movement that plays to pathos.  Ethos and Logos aren't even a fleeting thought.

They look stupid and their refusal to consider multiple perspectives or possibilities absolutely annoys the living hell out of me.

:D

• Have you ever taken a shower with anyone before?

It's why yummy smelling shower gel is important

• Have you ever laughed at something that wasn’t meant to be funny?

Probably

• Have you ever told someone of the opposite sex “Fuck you”?

Yeah. I was young :\ Wouldn't be caught dead doing that now

• Do you like to cuddle?

Is there foods?

• Have you done anything sneaky lately?

Sometimes I take my time to clock out just so I can get an even number on the logged time reports

• Is your hair clean?

Just washed it!

• Last night, did you go to sleep smiling?

Doubtful. My brain is really loud

• Were you happy when you woke up today?

Happy like tired, yes

• What are you drinking right now?

Water! mmmmm

• Do you wear your seatbelt in the car?

How is that a question why is that a question WHO DOESN'T?!

• Does someone have feelings for you?

I'm sure different people have different feelings towards me, and that's like, so nice

• Have you ever been cheated on?

It's been said. He said he didn't, but I think he did. idc anymore lol

• Are you hard to please?

No I'd be happy with cheese

• What are you craving right now?

Cheese

• How are you feeling right now?

Reaaally relaxed

• What are you sick of?

Misery loves company. Social media hasn't grasped this understanding 100% yet, but there absolutely is a correlation. And it's not because people see so much negative content. It's because they contribute to it as they eat it up. And they're not realizing it because it's under the guise of communal support but what it does is breed a culture of gripping onto our insecurities and undesirable traits and using them as a tool to attack and reject the very healthy concept of acknowledging that sometimes, our fucked up habits (obsessions, validations, pandering, drama) are not great for mental stability and no one on the internet is going to help that. We need to own ourselves fully and handle it.

:D

• Are you missing anyone/something?

I miss moments more than people, I think

• Relationship to the last person you called?

her daughter

• Could you date someone shorter than you?

Honestly, I'm not sure. I'm little, and I also like to feel really little. And enveloped. It's something I love about my self- my momma gave me her littleness. It'd be a challenge for me to readjust that mentality. But I guess if I liked him enough, who knows?

• Is there anybody you just wish would fall off the planet?

There's no way that could happen, but.. if I had to choose. Yes.

Poachers

Bull fighters

Cock Fight organizers and competitors

Dog Fight dudes too

People who force their pets to continue breeding for the sake of business

 Whale "research" fishing boats 

Dudes who fish for shark fins

the dudes who kidnap young girls and force them into marriage, um the people who throw stones at victims buried up to their chest in dirt, people who abuse animals, trophy hunters, and basically anyone that imposes themselves to harm an innocent creature or being.

They can all fall off the planet. That would be good.

• Do you wear glasses?

Used to, got lasik! Felt like I was in an X-Files episode and I could smell my eye burning. Was pretty neato

• Where did you sleep last night?

My beeeeeed

• Do you straighten your hair?

yehsuredo

• What color shirt are you wearing?

It's black

• Do you have a best friend?

Ya his name is Ponies and he's an author and writes dope

• Do you wish you had the chance to go back in time and change something now?

No way

• Who is the last person you got a text from?

Kaiser Permanente lol

• Are you excited for winter?

Not currently

• When are you at your happiest? 

When food coma takes over

• Is there anything you wish you did today? Why haven’t you done it?

Come up with a design for a small clay thing. I have an idea, but it's not good enough lol. I suck at being creative T-T

• Do you prefer to spend your time indoors or outdoors?

In my room :D

• What were you doing before you started this survey?

Playing Overwatch

• Can you honestly say that you love yourself?

Yeah! Took a while to achieve this mentality, but yeah. I gotta be good to myself through eevvverryything. There's always something to learn everyday, and I love that. Gotta be my own number 1 fan so I can grow and be the GREATEST POKEMON MASTER 

of Gastlies tho

• How many people have you kissed?

Oh jeez. I could count, but rather not xD

• Do you just feel awkward when you dance?

The opposite, I love dancing

• Do you think you spend too much time feeling upset?

LOL NAH

• Is there anyone you would seriously punch right now if you had the chance?

That list of the falling off the earth people? Them. I would punch them. Though the impact may be a different story.

• Do you own a pair of uggs?

Negative

• What are your plans for tomorrow?

Clean, work on clay stuff, game, read the graphic novels people from work gave me

• Has the person you have feelings for ever told you that you’re attractive?

Yessir

• Can you get over people easily?

Depends. I'm quick to cut myself off if anything feels off, but that's not to say I do not miss the moments shared with those people. So, I guess .... kind of? lol

• Do you believe that there are certain circumstances where cheating is okay?

I don't think cheating is going to ever sit on the positive end of the moral spectrum. The act of it is however brought on by catalysts that can be measured differently. Sometimes it's malicious, vengeful, sometimes it's brought on by feeling neglected, sometimes as a way to get attention from their own partner, or sometimes as a way to get out of something, or to validate a situation or themselves. The reasons are endless. While I don't think it's "okay", I also understand that it's not always as simple as just cheating. The heart is a fickle little bitch.

• How was your weekend?

It's starting off nicely

• Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you?

Yes! She used to be a corrections officer who arrested my molester when I was 9! Her name is Darlene and she actually was like a favorite aunt to me. She got me a puppy for my 10th birthday. I named her Ginger. She lived to be an old lady pupper and I miss both Ginger and Darlene very much.

• How do you feel right now?

Feeling aight ;)

• Do you hide your feelings or show them?

I like to think that I hold myself together pretty well. Making a spectacle of myself is not cute

• Do you like to have long hair or short hair?

Loooooong

• What is the last thing you cooked today?

MAC N CHEESE

• What do you always take with you?

Sunglasses

• Last person you drove around in a car with?

My housemate! We went to get dinner the other night in China

• Do you think relationships are hard? 

Not if you're feeling good about yourself and your life- put out the energy you want to attract, 

naw mee?

• What are your plans for this weekend?

Wasn't this already answered?

• Any friends who are constantly venting about their significant other?

Not anymore! lol

• Have you ever been ice-skating?

Yessum. Ish fun

• Does the sound of rain at night help you sleep?

It's the besssssss

• Have you ever seen an albino person, in person?

Yep. He looked cool

• Do you like Fuze drinks?

nani

• Did the end of Hamilton make you sad?

Never saw it

• Have you ever worn a pair of scrubs?

Nope

• Do you obsessively apply lip-gloss or lip balm?

Not obsessively, but it's a habit. Soft lips!

• Anything in your room that you’re hiding from your parents or someone else?

Well, I have a drinking horn hanging on my wall. And there's something in there that looks like decoration- my coworker know what it is

• Do you think you’d have what it takes to shoot someone if you had to protect yourself?

Absolutely!

• What’s your most noticeable flaw?

I have a mustache lol. It's not a big deal, I'm just really fair skinned so the peachfuzz is more apparent xD

• And what’s your best feature?

I'M SHORT :D 

also my eyes. 

My grandma gave me her eyes and for that I am very grateful. 

Gracias abuelita, te extraño

• Have you ever walked into a massive cobweb?

Probably

• When you can tell that someone’s lying, do you call them out on it?

Nah, just let em go on see how far they go lol

• Have you ever hallucinated?

Sleep paralysis counts right?

• Do you find serial killers fascinating?

I do! They see and process the world and our interactions so differently

• Do you like Musicals?

YES

• Is your hair damaged?

Probably

• Do you live with anyone that you try to avoid at all costs?

Nah. My housemate is probably like... perfect lol

• Who was the last person you threw out of your life?

Who cares lol

• Are you wearing socks?

Yee

• Do you regret something you did yesterday?

I regret not taking the exit my gps suggested that would've saved me 15 minutes

• When was the last time you cried?

On the airplane flying back home. HE JUST WANTED TO FIND THE BLUE FAIRY SO HE COULD BE A REAL BOY FOR HIS MOM OK

• Why were you crying?

BECAUSE MARTIN IS A LITTLE SHIT AND DAVID AND TEDDY ARE PRECIOUS AND DESERVE LOVE

• Whats the last thing you ate?

..... mac n cheese we already discussed this

• What kind of bottoms are you wearing?

pants. they're black. and velvet :3

• What do you hear right now?

Lo-Fi

• How many hours did you sleep last night?

6ish?

• Is something bothering you right now?

again?

• In the past week have you gotten sick?

ha. haaaaaaaaaa hahahahaaaaaaaaa yeeeee

• In the past week have you felt stupid?

All the time

• In the past week have you got your hair cut?

Nu

• What were you doing at 9 AM this morning?

Probably screeching at someone

• In the past week have you felt sad?

Sad that traffic was so shitty yesterday

• Has someone disappointed you recently?

Not yet, but there's always tomorrow

• Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?

That perspective is weird to me now. If I was like, 17, I'd probably think differently. But now it's more like, how good of a team are we? Not so much if my time is being wasted or not. No relationship is ever a waste of time- that's such a sad way of thinking. So I guess, yes they're all worth it. It's how we grow and learn about ourselves. About what we want and don't want in life in regards to a partner. Does that partner compliment your life? If yes, awesome. If not, learn from it and move forward. It's always worth it

• If you could pack up and move, would you?

Not right now, I love where I live

• Do you hate when people smoke around you?

I find it repulsive but I don't linger about smokers if I can help it- it's not an issue

• Who have you texted in the last 24 hours?

Chicken

Ah, those are fun to do. Satisfying. Mostly because reflecting is like, fun for me. My brain is loud :|

Should produce more pictures like this one. It's become my favorite.