Malware

  

   Does your head ever get super loud out of nowhere when you're trying to play candy crush before going to sleep? Sleeping a lot when I'm supposed to be awake instead helps. Though, sleeping a lot is probably not the best way to pass my time, but... overthinking is a flaw I have that if left unchecked, propels me into compromised perceptions. Like malware. But I think I just need to step away from stuff and clear my head. 

This happened a few months ago. Meltdown thing, kind of. I got past it, but it was draining. I feel like I wanna leave here and be alone on an island for a while. Eat gummy bears and play candy crush with infinity lives until zombies break out and destroy the planet. Or pull a Thoreau and just... live in the woods. And overthink. And keep a diary of all of my mad ravings. And that'd be my life, and it'd be fine. Ugh, and then some annoying hikers in their mid-20s would come across my cabin and want to vlog the encounter for their stupid youtube channel. God... what would I even do? I'd play dead lmao. And when they'd try to break into my cabin, they could explore everything and when they see my body, I'd break my "death" and screech at them like some rabid .... thing.... that just escaped out of a burning man tent. I'd scream incoherent lyrics from a BlackPink song, moving around in sudden jerks and pops, and then faint right in front of them. 

And then when they, mortified, try to draw close to see if I'm awake, my eyes dart open, and I whisper

 dOnT foRgEt To hIt ThAt LiKe AnD sUbScRiBe. 

and probably throw water on their equipment for trespassing into my house and filming without permission. That's harsh, but if that actually happened, I bet my life that they would post everything on a monetized platform. That's like, what people do now. Everything is monetized. Even interacting has turned into a transaction. People are putting themselves behind a paywall in order to be interacted with. It's not even a service being provided anymore. It's just... they exist on some platform, and feel that existing is enough to charge people to interact with them. 

Bizarre. I wish I thought I was that important but ... something about that way of thinking repulses me.

Speaking of predatory things! It's done! I finished Saga! Volume 1 at least. It's a book a coworker let me borrow a trillion years ago. Said I'd like it.

 I DO. I love HER. The Stalk. How predictable is this? VERY. I love her so much hnnnngg. And I'm THIS close to abandoning everything and creating a cosplay of her lol. She's so beautiful! Aggghhh. It's not fair. Why can't I be her T_T

Today though, because last night was especially stupid, I finally washed my desk mat.

Bath and Body works not only has great bath and body products, but they also work great for desk mats! Any mild soap works really. But I like yummy smelling gels that can really soak in there. They're safe to clean with warm water and soap, and just air dry. Only have to make sure to ring it out really well.

And earlier today, I made a batch of spam musubi.

 I've already eaten 4. They're so good I can't help it.

I also bought a 5lb bag of gummy bears. I don't like candy, but every now and then I'll crave something sugary and it's annoying that we don't really have sugary stuff in the house. OOPS. So this has been me. Also getting through Dark Souls III. It's fun. My character has a whip. She's a sorc, but I'm also giving her some mmpf in that whip lash. It's just really satisfying.

I hate when I get like this. I have to snap out of it. Probably be over it in a few days, but til then, all I wanna do is sleep this off. It's almost as if there's like... something that's keeping me up at night that won't let me sleep. Besides me. And my thoughts go racing. Out of nowhere. When all I wanna do is play candy crush. I just want it to stop. This haunting mental malware bullshit.

I also missed the turnip lady in Animal Crossing again this morning, so that's probably it. I'm sure of it.

welp. time to start a patreon!

Quarantini and chill

   Everything has come to a screeching halt. The burned rubber smell on the concrete is actually, in my case, the intensity of frosty tiger balm mintiness overpowering my nasal cavity, as it radiates furiously off of my wrist. My wrist? Why yes... my left wrist. The one that developed tendonitis from work. 

But it was worth it. Because now I have my museum, my shop, my upgraded house, a new island resident, a bridge, ladder, new fruit trees sprouting, made my dope Junji Ito windbreaker in the pro custom design thingie, my house has cute wallpaper and floors, and I'm pretty much all caught up with errands and tasks in Animal Crossing New Horizons. So. 

I am... like many (but unfortunately not all) people in the U.S., bound by law to stay home. This is how my dive into isolation began; 

These were night time pancakes. I got the recipe from a friend's sister who made them for us while we were in Hawai'i, and was craving some. They're the best fucking pancakes ever.

 There was enough for 12. And generally, I don't care much for pancakes because to me, they don't really taste like anything unless you put syrup on them. And I don't like syrup. Too sweet. But these are vanilla and are slightly sweetened and super buttery and they're amazing and mmpf.*chef's kiss*

Thank you, qorl. Your pancakes are da bess.

There will also be lots of photos in weird lighting because, my desk is my happy place. And I do most of my hobbies at my desk. So.

SPEAKING OF HOBBIES

 Before everything came to screeching halt, I'd been doing horrific visions in WoW trying to get the mail muncher mount. I've already given up on the K'uddly pet. He's like .02% drop rate. I'm over it. So, as I do with other stuff I can't acquire but want enough... I started making a clay version of it.

 I forgot about the wire frame part and had to maneuver that in there. It sucked. But now it's poseable. But, like I said... screeching halt. I had to get ready for my math class.

Oh, and my housemate had brought home lemons she received as a gift. And when life gives ya lemons, ya make 

 lemonade with too much vodka in it :D

All that vitamin C though. A great recipe for a quarantini. The sky was overcast, no sounds outside, our pool, desolate. 

It's perfect.

 I may or may not have been buzzed during my evening math class.

Everyone copes in their own way.

 *screeching halt*

Thursday evening.

Animal Crossing.

Leftovers.

Cool lighting in my room.

Everyone leave me alone forever.

I was in heaven.

Granted, I haven't played New Leaf. So like, all the Isabelle memes go right over my head... I never bothered to get a Wii. Um, Pocket Camp, Wild World, and og Animal Crossing.. those I did play like a coked out gremlin. 

Note* -  I don't own game consoles. I just don't want any. The idea that a console is made only for games seems backwards in comparison to a PC. Like, I can't go from my PC where I do all of my gaming, writing, browsing, photo stuff, entertainment... to a console that tries to mimic that except does worse because I'd have to get a keyboard to type to people on it anyway? If not that, then resort to speaking to them. Like, no. I'm good. 

Console exclusives... I can live with that. I mean, there are membership services that make it so that I can play those titles on PC anyway, so .... I haven't found a good enough reason to justify getting consoles. I rather upgrade my PC.

There you have it. I only fuck with computers.

Well, until recently. Lol, I was in zero rush to get a Switch Lite. But, seeing as how I'm virtually breathing nothing but tiger balm fumes because of my wrist, it's a good thing my Chicken is as snobby as he is lol. I'm grateful to him! But I'm being careful. He says this wouldn't have happened if I had preferred a regular switch because of the joy cons, but ... I don't like the Switch. It's chonky. The joy cons are... unflattering. The dock... exists. And I much prefer the comfort of snuggling in bed with my tiny Switch Lite.

If women are allowed to corset train to 16 inch waists, then I'm allowed to over-do it a bit with my wrist and play AC 8 hours straight. 

On Friday evening, we held our movie night. It was cute.

 There was a nice, cute, intimate vibe about doing this remotely. Hearing all our friends voices after everyone started joining was like.... awww :)  lol

This especially because, I don't... I'm..... not the most social person. I have discord, but never used it. I've tried to join servers to motivate myself to be more proactive, but they're overwhelming and keeping up with conversations is exhausting. So I just don't bother. It's probably why watching people on Twitch is just.... grossly unappealing to me. I just... I don't care. I don't care for the chat, or what anyone has to say. I rather be by myself, free of dialog driven obligations or opinions. I don't MIND engaging. Like if someone asks me stuff, it's fine. It doesn't bother me. But conversation becoming a constant throughout my day while I'm trying to focus on something is not an attractive routine to me.

So how am I doing throughout all this isolation stuff? I'm actually fantastic. While I miss Chicken because he has to work from his office set up at his place, I'm ... wonderful. No cabin fever, no weird pacing around or loneliness.

PSYCHOLOGY-ISH THINGS TIME:

So, I've noticed, in my adulthood, that often times, people don't wanna go home. And, to me, that's alien. Like, why not? I'm talking adults who have their own lives away from parents. And.... that's fascinating to me, because more often than not, all I ever want is to go home. I don't know their reasons, but sometimes I wonder if it's because... for as long as I've been able to... my area... my space where I spend a lot of my time... I made it exactly to my comforts and liking. My room is littered with ... posters, figures, craft stuff, decor... of things that make me happy and that I love. It's almost alive. Like, I turn around, and see my standee of my Guild Wars necromancer holding ALL of my convention lanyards from way back in 2012. Gifts, projects, even my bed is a reflection of what I love. So I come in here, and it makes me happy.

Ironically, I'm not a materialistic person. Experiences are my preference. But funny enough, those experiences often times come with a souvenir. One example I find intriguing was a coworker told me that they aren't a "stuff" person. As in they don't just have stuff. This was after I told them that instead of getting a Switch, I bought the Lilith statue lmao. They were baffled. Almost in utter disbelief that I would rather get a statue than a console. Which... therein demonstrates not only my stubborn commitment to my computer lol, but also my admiration for adorning my space with beautiful things. This statue marks the most awesome Blizzcon we've had. The people I know who worked on her. The inside jokes between me and friends. And her sheer beauty. I can add her to my spooky waifu collection (which is small because DESIGNERS ARE SLEEPING ON SPOOKS).

Anywho... I am under the impression that if people took the time to invest in making their spaces truly theirs, a mirror of everything that they love, maybe isolation wouldn't be as much of a challenge. But this... coming from a natural hermit... I could be way off. And perhaps I simply just don't understand not wanting to go home. I mean... I felt that way before, but that was in like... high school lol. 

My housemate is also pretty antisocial. Except she reads. And her deadpan humor sometimes splits my sides from laughter so it's probably for the best, because not everyone can appreciate sarcasm as a constant. Which is so unfortunate.

Anyway. Um. I don't think that was as psyche-y as I thought it was? Probably just me overthinking. Or making up stuff from details I notice to try to understand something. I'm probably entirely wrong. 

um either way. I'm great! 

I hope everyone else is doing alright. Shit is wack. I mean, I'm fine lol, but it's kinda lame that I can't just go sit inside Seoul Street's shop and chill with them. Or get galbi jjim at Sun Nong Dan. THAT'S what I'm most bummed about. But... oh well. 

BACK TO VIDEO GAMES and maybe homework :B

be safe peeps, and don't go out unless you have to gdi

Viral

 Everything is so.....Quiet from inside my room :)

I don't know what there is to say LOL.

The world is going crazy and... video games are finally gonna get the proper credit they deserve for being the amazing catharsis that they are. Introverts and hermits will evolve into their final forms, and esports will dominate... stuff. Because people can't go to watch ... not-e sports. WE ARE ALL LIVING IN THE WIRED. NO MATTER WHERE YOU GO, EVERYONE'S CONNECTED.

Everyone needs to watch that anime. 

So what have I been up to? 

lol...

 There was this one night where I was just googling stuff about old gods in WoW. And I think I had just finished doing The Underrot on an alt. And was thinking how beautiful that dungeon is, and how beautiful the Blood Trolls are and how much I love them and I wanna be one and I probably could be one, and how a few people at work were like   y o u    s h o u l d    c o s p l a y   o n e !  And I want to. So I did a costest to see how do-able it would be.

It's feasible. I'd just have to spray my hair white or blonde, wear tusks and sfx ears and I'd have it down. Look how beautiful they are. He's on his knees, looking up at her, that's so cute. Only thing is... I'm not that bold to show that amount of skin. So I'd probably do a body suit or something.

Idk we'll see.

So before everything got top tier crazy and were just kinda crazy, we went out for shabu shabu. because... we could.

It was a not-that-cold Friday night. So Chicken brought out the miata and we went for a drive with the top down. Night drives are one of my favorite things, but when the top is down and you can see the moon and the stars and everything is still and quiet.... man. Shit is beautiful. Never get tired of it. Daylight SUCKS

We took up 3 tables. This place is usually really busy. We waited a bit to get seated, but I think it was only because our party was so big.

 Gahh, so nice. Just... nice. Like... legit nice. Didn't have to be awesome or amazing or earthshattering. Because it was  n i c e. Get me? The peeps. The homies. Just chillin. Eating shabu shabu. After work. On a Friday. Ahhhh *sigh*

 Good shit

 I made us take this stupid picture and I'm not sorry :)

 Went from learns to "who can write maintenance the best but with their left hand?"

 They're watching Code Geass and I had to tell them to make the whiteboard SFW lol

 RAW MEN!

 He's so proud! :D

As he should be. That game is gonna go crazy when it comes out. I'm calling it now, it's so ridiculous lol.

NEW HOBBY I think. If I can get enough stuff to play with and if I can stay up til 5am more often doing this, then yeah totally.

So, Chicken surprised me with a Switch Lite! Someone at work was selling hers, and he jumped at the opportunity because he knew I was gonna get a Lite. He beat me to it :P. But this was especially awesome, because I rather adopt anyway lol. He's so good to me, my Chicken ^_^

But Chicken also knew that I've been wanting to change the shell casing on his Switch lol. Just never got around to it. He then tells me that a new shell was arriving in the mail the next day with tools for me to tinker with. I was ecstatic. (Because Cynth doesn't do teal.)

 After spending all day Saturday doing homework, I finally was able to start the surgery. He set me up so well with everything I would need to operate. Chicken spoils me so much T____T. I offered to pay him for it but he just glared at me, and my ego took a seat.

PSYCHE THINGIE: I don't like being given stuff. It's a weird complex I have. I rather drag myself through mud to find solutions or rewards for myself than to ask for things. It's... I need to balance that better. Like... idk how to describe it. But... the whole "I'm baby" thing... like..

I'm baby, but you need to sit down first, and then I'll be baby. As opposed to just helplessly being baby 100% on his lifeline. You know? That to me is just... like what Catwoman says to Batman at the end of Batman Returns?

He's like, you're baby if you want to come live with me, and she's like, I AM baby... but not because you're telling me I could be. And then skips away into electrocution lol.

 The POINT IS, I NEED TO CALM DOWN because Chicken is good to me. The end.

 This thing was tough to open lol. I'd say the kit is non negotiable. You need it for this job.

 Note: I went into this BLIND. As I do with most things until the very moment of. True to my brand, I like figuring things out for myself without help, but followed a guide on youtube that made things much less complicated. Even though it was still very complicated.

I was SO afraid to accidentally break or fry something. There are tons of exposed little bits everywhere. But... the risk is worth replacing that grotesque color.

The whole thing took a little over 4 hours. Mostly because I had no idea what I was doing. Another run at this (which I will have to do because the + button doesn't work) should take me much less time.

 It turned out so awesome!!!

 This is sick. It brings me back to my childhood. I had the purple N64 with the matching controller, AND the purple Gameboy Color. So this is like.... personal lol. I'm so happy with it. It's my baby and I gave her a make-over and she's beautiful and she's mine and I love her and and and and ^_____^


 Um we also had to go get Meet Fresh because Black Ball was too far away :(

Also hi. One of my favorite artists recently posted one of the most badass pieces I've seen and I was like omg please put this on a shirt I'd totally get it. And, idk if she had them up for a while, but I went to check her Etsy, and THERE THEY WERE. Shirts, hoodies, and crop hoodies.

Besides this... everything else is on hold.

This week is gonna be weird. School is weird too. Everything is weird. All I know is... Animal Crossing is coming out soon, and I'm gonna get it lol. I also wanna play Nioh because Nioh 2 is out and I wanna play it T_T. 

Man, a week ago all the other grocery stores were dead because everyone was going to Ralph's and Target. Meanwhile, Vallarta and 99 Ranch had tons of produce and product. People finally starting to go there now too. It's good and bad at the same time because like... you know. I'm not. I'm just glad I have my things. I'll be fine. 

It's gonna be so quiet for a while. I kinda like it. I think the world needs a break from humans trampling all over it 24/7. Imagine if everyone was in their houses. Think of all the garbage that'll get swept away from the streets. No traffic accidents. No boisterous drunk people offending humanity by just existing on the street unsupervised. And tons of other stuff I'm sure, but just imagine. I like to think that this is nature's way of telling us to calm down, because she can wipe us out like nothing. That we need to chill with the fighting and the threats and the arguing.... everything. The only thing on the news lately has been COVID-19. There's no room for anything else. In the grand scheme of things, compared to global relations in the recent past, this feels like a hard reset.

Dr. Manhattan is watching from somewhere. 

Giving Thanos that nod of affirmation.