Change

 Stuff is happening. Change. In the house of  Cynth.
Come August. Also

It's extremely stupid to type "homerow" with unreasonably long nails. I say this, as I struggle keeping a- nope. Can't do it. There's no cadence to it, just awkward misses. I like to think myself a pro at typing but these invasive keratin nail-bed parasites are complicating even the most mundane tasks.

Why tolerate it? uhh... I mean. idk. but like have you even seen Bib Fortuna and Armand?

Look at that swagger. It's the nails. I'm sure of it. That's me. I want that swag. The fingerless gloves and the rings? Mmpf.

In an interview with Antonio Banderas for his role as Armand, he elaborates on how he had to grow his nails out and how uncomfortable it made people who happened to notice them. Those are his natural nails. And I thought that was so badass. I wanna be badass.

So here I am, with extremely long, natural nails, complaining about it. I've peaked, I think. Yes. During quarantine, while everyone else is doing their thing, I'm reaching for that Bib Fortuna/Armand aesthetic by meticulously caring for and growing out my nails. *chugs wine* everything is fine

Gradual changes amid this pandemic begin with gradual steps.

Boyfriend's mom had the cutest driving sleeves in her van. I want a pair, too lol.

And his sister gave us delicious sour plum jam that she made. Gotta eat it with all of the toast and pancakes. I attempted to make puffy pancakes this morning and failed lol. Not really, they just weren't up to my puffy standards, so tomorrow I shall try again. But they were good.

Birthday things!

Commemoration for birthday boy Lifa was in full effect.

BBQ time. And I gave him the gift of Seoul Street. lol

The other night, Chicken and I went out for a late night drive down the pacific coast highway, (i melted from the beauty of the tranquility and lights that the night sky brings), and I thought; omg how do I not have my scarf right now? So, I fixed it and made myself THAT girlfriend:

Accessory high-maintenance girlfriend mode: ACTIVATED

 I felt so obnoxious lol. It's fine. 

Friendos said I looked like Audrey Hepburn. I can live with that. Next time we go to the car meet, I'll bust the Hepburn out 10x.

Honestly, the 50s thing always felt out of my reach, because I'm super minimalist when it comes to dressing up, pero I can see myself doing this more often, because pants. Instead of a hoodie, I'll wear a scarf lol. This is it, this is a fashion rite of passage. Right here. It's happening.

 HAY JOHN :D

Thank you for the yummy aloe water stuffs.

We went to Seoul Street two days in a row. It's fine.

 BDAY BBQ. 

It was just us, but honestly couldn't ask for anything more.

Dat spicy sawz. He incorporated Seoul Street's ghost pepper sauce into it to dress his burgers. Was bomb.

 LOOKIT DEEZ MENS DOIN A BBQ

Charcoal and propane- no discrimination in this house.

what a YEM.

 Chicken prepared the chicken. So gooood. Reminded me of seasoned rotisserie chicken.

 Bday boy brought cigars. 

Cigar +  beard = perfect trope to photograph

He's actually a nerdy teddy bear, the juxtaposition was lolz.

 space cowboy

And of course... we made s'mores. I impulse bought stuff for s'mores because I'm a child, but it was the best decision ever.

 S'MEESES

 Hard pass on the s'meeses, but indulged in many a s'more that eve.

science rules

 "this is how the Hawi'ian islands were formed"

 We're all trash. Look at his shirt.

I gotta get him a Toga statue lol

Still playing Overwatch like a gremlin. Was thinking about it the other day.... how my favorite mode to play is Mystery Heroes. And how much more fun I have switching heroes instead of maining one character for hours. Thought about it some more, and realized that I like and excel at multitasking, or flexing roles. In life in general. 

I see it in my hobbies and how I enjoy things. Idk if it's indecision, but I often find myself bored of one thing, and without hesitation start something else. Sort of a jack of all trades kinda thing. I'm not sure when that particular trait took root in me. But my hard preference to flexing heroes in Overwatch kinda had me thinking about it lol. While I'm glad of my adaptable skillset, it also feels messy to me. I also like direction. But I can't gather my thoughts for shit lol. I think that might have to do with skipping from one thing to another- kind of a "what do I do now" thing? Maybe? idk. lowkey a Little, lol. uwu.

Also, this Zarya skin is beautiful and will probably be the skin I'll use on her for all eternity. 

✊

"Sandwiches"

There was a promise I made last month; that I would keep my mouth shut until it was announced. And I fulfilled that promise, so now I'm gonna go off.


The first entry where I ever mentioned them: 6/27/16

"idkwtf i was eating
it was from Seoul Street. Was some kind of Korean street food place
whatever
it was awesome" 

The rest is history.

Hi, welcome to my blog, where sometimes I go on tangents about how amazing Seoul Street is.

It's been a decent 4 years watching them grow.

 

I've gone through old entries trying to find some photos of them to share. Just because I'm so fond of them.

 

I came across Seoul Street at the night markets. Their booth was tall, their signage colorful and stood out among the rest. And the food on it look bomb. 

 

 Over time, as I kept revisiting their booth every time the night market was around, they'd remember me, and I was more than happy to be their patron.

 

They were at cons too. I think some of these are from K*con.

 

But every chance I got the opportunity to share their food with other people, I'd take it.

 

  

Until one day, they finally did it. 

They took root in their own little shop, in Irvine. I couldn't believe it. And when they told me, I was ecstatic for them.

 

 

We came to support them as soon as we could. And it kept going like that for a while.

 

 

So what was I keeping my mouth shut for?

Last month when I went to see them, they told me news about having to pick up and leave.

After all their hard work and dedication in trying to find a location they could settle in for a while, they have to leave. I was gutted.

Why?

The owner decided that it's a better idea to have a deli shop, that sold soups and sandwiches. And their type of food just wasn't gonna work out.

I just look at them with a skeptical glare... and they nodded, reaffirming my thoughts.

What's worse is that the business that was there before them sold sandwiches and soups.... 

So this guy, this old white guy (i don't do this usually but there's no sugarcoating it) is kicking them out because Asian food isn't good for business during COVID-19. To put it bluntly. That's exactly what's happening. There was no room for negotiation, nothing. No offer for renewal. He just wants them gone, to be replaced with "American" food. And I wanted to run over to the leasing office and be rude, but they were closed, and I don't do that, but I wanted to. 

Chicken was there with me. Disgusted and at a loss for words. It was unbelievable and yet not surprising at the same time. I was so angry for them. All they can do is try to stay strong in this and leave with the hope that the next thing will be better. And it will be. But to leave like this is a gross reminder that people are infuriatingly really, really stupid- not just ignorant, because ignorance at least can be remedied... but to willfully remain ignorant, and to perpetuate divisiveness over business and property like that? To dismiss a family owned business who are Korean in the middle of this pandemic... that's so fucked. The Kims don't deserve that. 

They told me not to say anything. We were one of the first people they told. So... I didn't. 

The drive home was bitter. Angry.

Today, Chicken told me to check Seoul Streets instagram- as they finally made the announcement. I've been off the social media grid, but opened the browser to check in, and read it.

You can see it for yourself, if you've ever had their stuff and know how amazing it is, and how amazing they are. They don't go into the detail that I do, but know that it wasn't their choice to leave Irvine. But it's also really great to see that they are relocating to another location in Long Beach, and are expecting to return to Irvine as well. 

I made this post as a reminder that behind closed doors, racism is happening in all kinds of ways. Some you see and hear about, some you don't. And it pisses me off especially when it happens to people who are kind and hardworking. What did they do besides feed happy bellies with their delicious food? 

Fuck that place. Fuck that guy. The leasing manager at that strip is a racist POS and they deserve better. 

So.

Looks like I'll be checking out Long Beach next month. But not before I get my Seoul Street fix this weekend. 

I implore you, if you are in the area, check them out. You won't regret it.

Lives

   Perspective can be powerful. I don't think we really understand how much so. It's the perfect tool to demonstrate and capture another experience. If only we were open to seeing it.

But like many tools, it must be used correctly in order to be effective. Otherwise, perspective can be lost in the shadow of zealousness.

How then, can we utilize perspective. It's so powerful, it should be easy. But nah. It begins with Listening. Not just hearing what is being presented, but stopping ourselves from thinking for a moment, and take it in. Sit on it. Think on it.

My brain likes to break things down and dissect stuff, so lemme break this down for anyone who happens on this, and isn't clear on what is going on right now.

Listen

Then... understand. Can you understand why? Understand the foundation?

Common misconception; understanding doesn't mean you agree. I understand what Surgeon General Shiro Ishii was trying to accomplish at Unit 731 in World War II. End of statement. That's as far as it goes.

Agree or disagree, that is your right, but these are two huge factors when it comes to something as simple as gaining perspective.

And then on the flip side.... presenting perspective... well like I said... our zeal could ruin it.

So lemme do this.

All lives matter. "All lives matter!" they say. Which isn't incorrect. In fact, most, if not all people can agree that yes... peoples' lives matter. A life is a horrible thing to lose, especially in such wasteful ways. And, since we all agree, lets take a look back a little bit... just 60ish years ago... some lives mattered a little more than others. And by a little, I mean a metric tron. It's been a long time since then, hasn't it? That's someone's grandma, or great grandma- grandparents, whathave you. Where they grew up in a time where.... lives were valued differently. 

Generations go by.

We pass on what we learn down to our kids. 

And a lot has changed. Then things seem like we're headed in a new direction, turning our backs as a collective to barbaric practices of our past. And yet lives can't seem to fall into the same column of value.

One could say, well.... some lives are not ones of value. Some are lost to our own worsts creations and vices. And this isn't untrue. And it's very unfortunate. What's even more unfortunate is... I would say, some are even born into those environments. What fault of theirs is that? 

And generations go by.

We pass on what we learn down to our kids.

Those lives' value somehow dropped before having a chance to be a seen as a human first and foremost.

And other lives values go down... on the basis that..  their upbringing and culture is different than yours or mine. Hmm. Their life matters... but not as much as someone who, at first glance, looks like you. Perhaps you are of latin blood, asian, middle eastern, polynesian, or white heritage. and they are Black. 

and while all lives matter, because they do, somehow... our lives are not all on the same plane of value. Why is that? Until we can assess and figure out why that is... the question will never go away. Why is it that my life carries more weight than descendants of those that not even a century ago were treated as expendable property? I wasn't even born here.

Black lives carry a different weight than non-blacks. Why? That is the question that demands an answer. There is a stigma in Black history that some of us have carried with us and let that rot our perception of how we look at other human beings. It happened, and there is a lot to heal from still. But as much as we want all lives to matter equally, the fact of the matter is.... they do not. They matter, but not equally. Not even close.

Right now, we need to understand this. Understand that Black lives need to matter just as much as everyone elses. That means.... profiling cannot be used as a tactic by cops to size up civilians. It needs to be re-evaluated and combated with updated training on case by case de-escalation, and not treating one person based on collective statistics.

We must rectify this. We cannot let a force to protect communities have weak links. The chain has shattered. At George Floyd's expense. His life had no value to those policemen in those 9 minutes. Why? What was their thought process? What in their hearts made them believe that this was the way to go about it? Protocol? Or did they see him as lesser because of who he was?

Right now, we can be vessels for those whose voices trail off... and get shut out. Right now, it's important for us all to understand the values we hold with our appearances, the color of our skin, our upbringing, the lessons we've learned... and to make sure we are all on the same plane. Listen. Understand. Have perspective.

Black Lives Matter.

cynthx

  I don't even know where to start. Frankly, I'm in a bad spot psychologically, but refuse to succumb to it. So here we are.

Overwatch has been cathartic. It's easy to get lost in, even for a short while. But at the same time, I'm able to express something I feel strongly about too.

Make no mistake. This emote isn't new. Neither are any voice lines that seem to fit right now. But I equipped them. And it just feels really good playing her right now. Take from that what you will.

I've gotten some requests on bnet. And while I'm not claiming to know why, I attribute it to when I temporarily deactivated social media accounts.They're back again, but I will no longer be using them. Seeing as how cynthx is linked across all of my accounts and has been forever, they'll become placeholders.

as far as requests go, i'd appreciate it if you let me know who you are. otherwise it'll just sit there.

so here we are.

i'd advocate for mental health, but that only seems to matter to people when it's trending.

um getting in touch with me. if you have my contact or we're mutuals on platforms other than social media, awesome. if not, i don't know what to tell you.


It's been a while. Classes are done for now. I have all this free time now. And I'm listless. but a few things are cool. Like, I've been wanting to dig up old unfinished cosplays and add on to them.

This was my disciples cosplay that I started a while back, but when it came to making the chest plate piece, I kept messing up and wasting worbla. So called it quits. I tried using foam at first, but I wasn't able to manipulate it to do what I needed it to in order to keep its shape. Admittedly, I'm an armor crafting nub. Same with sewing. Shit is hard lol. Especially when you don't have a good command of geometry or 3 dimensional foresight, guesstimations, etc. I'll watch people make 3D shapes out of foam, even tiny ones, and they have all the sides mapped out in their head, including what edges to bevel to make it all sit together. Yeah, I can't fathom that.

When I made my Gastly pillow, I was trying to figure out how to cut out a shape that could be sewn into a sphere before looking anything up. It was so unfathomable to me. I couldn't comprehend it. Looked it up. mind blown. idk how i passed geometry in high school. 

Umm too much animal crossing led to a busted joystick on my Switch Lite. apparently that's a thing? "traveling" they call it. When the board registers a command to move your character, but without you ever touching the joystick to make that command. so i took it apart

Some people were saying it could be from dirty circuits. this didn't make sense to me because i had just replaced the casing, but tried it. didn't work. i also noticed the battery had swelled. irrelevant, just another part to replace. it's been a few weeks now. no more traveling. i'm not sure what changed, other than turning it off now when i don't play it instead of leaving it in sleep mode.
still need to replace the battery though. bleugh.

Speaking of replacing batteries....

mousepad on my laptop got chonky. my laptop looked busted. it worked fine, but again... battery swelled, which made the mousepad come up and pulled at the casing on the edges. yuck. so. took her apart too.

look at that chonk!

 Not okay. Can explode if neglected and continues be plugged in to charge. Then you yeet yourself extra hard since by that point.. can pretty much kiss your laptop goodbye. So yeah, if your laptop has a slight raise to it when it used to be sleek and flat, it means your battery swelled. Change dat bb asap.

 look at this

what is this

why

tsk tsk.

Taurus season has come and gone, but within it was the boy's special day. Social distancing was peak, but we still wanted to do something for him. So a few of us drove over and surprised him with food, pastries, and balloons at his front porch.

Some left, and 3 of us stayed to spend some time together inside; a company that was much needed.
He likes country music, so I got him a fancy hat that came in early. And he donned his dope Jason Charles Miller tee I got for him after Jason's show at Anime Los Angeles.
He's so hard to shop for because he's really into tech and a massive hardware geek, so he has every gadget and upgrade there could possibly be. but he doesn't have enough country stuff. so voila!

We also went to visit our friends at Seoul Street. It'd been a while since I had seen them.

We bought too much food. It was perfect

While in lockdown, making the effort to get ready every day had become almost non-existent. I wanted to just stay in pajamas all day and be a potato. While playing games, but a potato none the less. So... I've been trying to get back in that routine. It's a challenge! Especially when I never leave the house.

slowly. very very slowly.

 I've also been trying to flex other artsy muscles. I don't draw.

 Recently, I picked up VirtuaVerse. It's a pixelated indie point and click with a shit ton of puzzles. Can probably guess but it's very "cyberpunk" if you will. I'd been following it for a while after someone at work told me about it.
Anyway, there's a part where you come across this android character. And I fell in love with her immediately. So much so that she inspired me to try my hand at drawing her and using the new watercolor set I impulse bought. Um, I suck at color theory and don't understand how to see or capture light sources, but this was my go at her, and I'm happy with it.

VirtuaVerse was fun. If you're down for an indie game, that's definitely one to try. It's also quite beautiful.

And in another artsy muscle flex... I resumed a small project in my clay backlog. The more detailed it gets, the more frustrating it it because I have to use different clays. But it's gonna come out sick. I just have to stop being a baby.

Yes, it's Emil.

 New guilty pleasure:
Jack in the box's cheddar jalapeno poppers. I've met my perfect 1am snack. No more fries, no more nuggets... I just want these cheesey little babies. And then stop by the 7 leaves right after to pick up dessert?? mmmmpppf! *chefs kiss* it's heavenly.

Though... now that curfews are in effect, I'll have to wait to venture out. It's okay, it's worth it. 


The most amazing thing ever went down on Saturday.
There was a livestream hosted by Nostalgic Nebula with the original cenobites in Hellbound: Hellraiser II, where we all watched Hellbound together and got to chat with everyone. Including the composer Christopher Young and screenwriter Peter Atkins. Clive Barker was in the chat as well. But it was so surreal to be able to interact with them.
Like, they always say don't meet your heroes....

(um... well. yeah. there's truth to that actually.. that I think about it more..) BUT THEY WERE SO NICE and Nicholas Vince who plays my husband (Chatterer) kept smiling at my stupid fangirl remarks. It made my heart happy. Barbie Wilde who plays the gorgeous Female Cenobite was there too, Simon Bamford who plays Butterball, and Doug Bradley- the legendary Pinhead.

This was also where I learned about the Frida Theater in Santa Ana that hosts events where they play oldschool sci-fi and horror movies and set up cool events and stuff. I had no clue. They're now on my radar to check out in the future. Maybe be an excuse to bust out my Leechwoman and Julia Cotton cosplays again :D

I've been really bad though and haven't been reading. Like at all. Well... not books. So yesterday I picked this guy out from my shelf to re-read without distraction. The human condition right now is being tested without mercy. I felt this a welcoming escape.

And finally, it's shameful to admit, but I've never read this precious manuscript. The book that was, before the movies were ever a concept. It came in today, and I'm gonna eat it. Someone recommended this to me years ago.. someone from work. And idk why I didn't just get it. But here we are.

I'm in a queue for turnips that are selling for 609. It was 150 people long. I got in at 1:50pm. I am now #39 and it is 5:32pm. 

ahh. lol.