Sparkles

YAY.

This week started out so stupid. I cried. Normally, I get myself to cry from watching feel-good videos on YouTube, or playing really intense games, or watching movies I know will make me cry. It's cathartic to cry. But seldom do circumstances drive me to a point where I feel that everything is out of my hands and I've zero realistic options to exhaust to overcome a road block. But that was Monday.
I was in the mindset that up until that point, everything was working out so well... so balance needed restored. Emotions high and unstable, my mind raced at all of the possible outcomes and every other necessary course of action I could take to rectify my situation. Every. Possible. Outcome.
Am I gonna talk about what upset me? I'm not sure yet. But... in the midst of that, it dawned on me how Dr. Manhattan LITERALLY FATHOMS EVERY POSSIBLE OUTCOME EVER. And he's not going crazy. So. I can get through it.
Also my wonderful fiance turned into an emotional support Chicken and accompanied me on errands, just so that in my jeopardized state, I didn't put myself in danger while driving. He conversed with me, and helped me rationalize and compartmentalize my emotions. WHAT AN EARTH SIGH uwu
It was like... that scene in Sweeney Todd when he had judge Turpin in his chair ready to go, and then the kid busts into the door and ruins everything. And Mrs. Lovett is like "easy now, hush love hush, I keep telling you what's the rush?" and he's like "WAIT? YOU TOLD ME TO WAIT"

that. Kind of. So many analogies!

So basically I thought that school and work blew up in my face at the same time. Mostly school. Another year has gone by and things got complicated, but I spoke with a counselor and she was like "easy now, hush love hush, all good things come to those who caaan wwwaaaiiiIIIIT" and I'm like, hokay..

A few days following my breakdown, everything is wonderful again! And I can breathe. And everything is going well. After 4 trillion exhausting emails with my school, Jollibee, a new tablet, and a re-homed medical anatomical model, Cynth's mental state has once again stabilized.

What did I learn throughout?

• I shouldn't try to think of all of the possible outcomes for how to navigate a solution to one road block, because I am not Dr. Manhattan. I would go crazy. 
• It's important to stay in the now, and take things one step at a time. 
• Embrace "I did everything that I could" instead of "I should do more RIGHT NOW because p q r s t u v w x y z that hasn't even happened yet BUT IT MIGHT" - while sometimes that could be the case, it also can work against me.
• Jollibee is always worth the longer trip
  

 
I'm trying to multitask by writing this and watch BEASTARS simultaneously because my friend called me out on it. I normally wouldn't care this much, but she voices the wolf chick LOL soooo.
Off to a great start, I forgot to change from sub to dub.


Oh no. I'm never gonna get this blog post done. The art's cool...
damnit lol.

FOCUS. ALRIGHT.

Tomorrow is my first day of work. Excited is an understatement. There's much to learn, but am going into it completely as a blank canvas to paint my brain with all of the things.

[I hope there's a bat person in this omfg]

Can you believe this is only the 2nd time I've had Jollibee? The first time was years ago at Fanime, when my meal was rudely interrupted by an erratic phone call. Her verbal abuse and berating is more memorable than the meal. But this time... was heavenly. The best thing ever. But it kept being put off because things kept happening. I didn't get to eat until hours later. But I want more

This was Monday, after I broke down and cried for approximately 4 minutes. And was a stressed out wreck the remainder of the day. But I had to drive down to OC to pick up my anatomical model, and some stuff at our old place. The night before, I had a craving for Jollibee. On our way back up, I vowed to make sure that craving was satiated. Thanks to Chicken, the drive was less taxing. We were in the car for 2+ hours from making multiple stops. I'm so grateful to him.

A buddy I met from Blizz was selling his model. He used it as a reference for art- that's so cool lol. I saw it and immediately needed it for my anatomy studies. THANK YOU CHRIS
He thought his kid lost the magnetic weiner, but it has been found! Lo and behold! Gaze upon the medial cut weiner in all it's glory ^_^

And then... not only did Chicken treat me to the model, but he insisted on getting me a new tablet for my language class.

This has been so helpful with my assignments.
My last class we didn't practice writing at all. Just speaking, reading, and recognizing characters.

It's so haaard lol. I'm trying! But I really like using the tablet ^_^

Annnd unlike anything I've ever told myself I'd attempt, I'm already on my 4th book. I usually read 4 novels a year- outside of manga or graphic novels LOL. Too many video games. But I think I found authors and genres that I really enjoy.

His fam got so much yummy food. This last week started dumpy, but sprinkles of good are coming in abundance.

[BEASTARS so far is good. 5th episode now. I find myself resonating with Haru. A lot. Her voice is really nice to listen to.]

Annd since I start work soon, Chicken's mama got me these N95 masks. Ahhh, she's so ... I love her lol

His parents also taught me a little bit of Taiwanese and say little phrases to me sometimes in Mandarin, sometimes in Taiwanese. IT MAKES MY HEART SO HAPPY

Happy sprinkles. Everything is going to be okay. Because... because.
I am not Dr. Manhattan. And that's a good thing.

(having a framed photo of me in cosplay on his desk is such a #cosplaybf thing to do. We could be married and I think I'd still use that label lolol)

For shits and giggles, Chicken decided to roll for Ganyu a day before the banner changed. And he got her. Not only did her get Ganyu, but he wanted Xiangling, too. Guess who he got? 

Xiangling.
And when the banner changed, he got Diona.

It's fine, I'll wait for Hu Tao. And I'll roll for both her and Qiqi until I get them both, level them, and my life will be complete, and I can die happy. My funeral director waifu and my sweet jiangshi loli. Probably with Beidou and... idk. Idk yet. Yeah. SIGH. Their lore is so cute I NEED THEM.

Okay. Well. So far, BEASTARS is cool. Lauren said it's like Zootopia for adults.

This month is Lunar New Year. We got stuff to decorate with. Gonna look so cyoo. And BlizzcOnline! That's gonna be a treat- for so many reasons lol.

HAPPY SPARKLES

I gotta prep everything for tomorrow. Big excite.

This would've taken less time to finish if it weren't for watching BEASTARS. So distracting, haha.

ALRIGHT.
Happy Friday!
I go eat yummy stuff nao.
Please wear a mask
HOKAY BYE

Good

 DIOS MIO.

It's Friday already. Alright cool. Big breaths. A lot's happened. I need a list. Here we go.

• Moved
• Semester started
• Work interview
• Hair situation
  

Currently I have this open, my homework app open, and am organizing my stupid journal. I like feeling like there's a lot on my plate to cross off, but completely forgot how annoying moving is. But we're finally getting everything organized. It's embarrassing to see how much of our stuff is for our gaming stations. And/or work and school stations hehe. Ahhh okay.

So as mentioned before, we've moved out of Orange County and nested nice and cozy closer to LA. A lot of things factored into that decision, but we're here now. And my plants couldn't be happier.

split ends are so satisfying to split omg.

OK. SO... school has been a shit storm. Kind of. This semester I was supposed to start Mortuary stuff, but that got canceled becauuuuuse........................   COVID-19! Who knew!?? That bummed me out... like you don't even know lol. I blew $100 on Genshin Impact that same afternoon after getting the email just because I felt I deserved some kind of emotional band-aid. It was the one thing I most looked forward to. And... yeah. It's not gonna happen because... of other people. Feels great.
It's not completely wrecked tho. There's still the Fall semester but that's... end of the year. So, since I'm finished with all of my classes for eligibility, I'm gonna continue my language studies this semester. Resentfully, but y'know. With hope. And a positive attitude. YAY

SOMETHING GOOD HAPPENED AND I CAN'T 100% DIVULGE FURTHUR BUT IT'S GOOD
I did a lot of research and searching and and and and got a few responses about work but but but it was like... the happiest thing ever because there was this one place and it's perfect and the people have beautiful souls and are so sweet and philanthropic and are just GOOD. And they recognized that I so very much want to contribute to that and be a part of that and AND AND AND


I had an interview. And it went so well. And one of the owners said he really liked me. And the other owner said my outfit was cute. And. in my pocket, I kept the talisman that Chicken got me that was blessed by monks for all the best fortune and luck with school and career ambitions. And and. I just.

I COULD MELT. I wanna just hug everyone. And throw love. Everywhere. Just. Warmth. Joy. Good. Positive energies. LKGHDLAKJGLDAKFJDLSJGAF;LDKJF.


Here are the last people I got to hug.

Our last night together in Orange County, with our German Shepard trapped in a human body (Lifa) and burger master, Homdray. Whose burgers were so good that Lifa's brother wished he could sew his butthole shut so that it may never leave him.

Cheers to happy new chapters, friends, and good stuff in the future.

Lifa turned into a mom and made us musubi for the road. It was a tiring process. We used 5 cars, all packed, and commuted between OC and SGV at least 500 times in one day.

 Homdray loves Bugs Bunny and has recently adopted saying

"Ain't I a stinkerrr? ^_^"

It's funny. He has a ton of mannerisms that are so easy to point out. He does this thing where sometimes, when he's walking, he does this thing with his arms like a T-Rex. When he dances, he kicks his heels up in front of him, his little T-Rex arms at attention. And then when he's really happy, he starts shouting LOL.
yes. He's a stinker.
And Lifa is our German Shepard in human form because you can read him so easily. You can tell when his ears are lowered back, or when his tail is wagging, or when it's tucked under his legs and he's worried or something. And when he gets excited over stuff, he starts exclaiming "yooooooooooooooooooo ohhooooooooo thas dope yoooooooo" he's like howling, and gets hyped. LOL when we used to do night walks, I'd go downstairs and go "wan go for a wAWK??" And he'd go "yoooho yeh maaaaan. when you wanna go??"

I don't think he realized why I'd ask him stuff in a certain way sometimes lol, which made it even funnier hahaha

Well, the next morning once we moved all of our things... it was.. a lot to process.
But I was in high spirits because that week was my interview.

Some of the stuff I'm wearing was gifted to me from his sister and mom LOL. They are so supportive of what I wanna do, and seeing them wanting to see me do well was so... merrrrr my heart. *squeak*

Lifa's musubi kept us energized the next morning

While rummaging through some of Chicken's old things, he found his old Animorphs books. Two of which I'm going to be reading very soon.

My plants are readjusting to being outside full time now. Some of them are fine, some are temperamental. It's been a miracle that Meemurs has stayed green all this time. Venus fly traps go into hybernation during the fall/winter months. I'd been doing everything in my power to keep that from happening, but she's been showing discoloration lately- a side effect of the colder temperatures. I'm sad, but I know she'll be back in full bloom during the warmer spring months.

Good news is that with all the space we have in the back, there's plenty of room to find permanent homes for some of my plants. The mint, thai basil, green onions, american basil, the black petunias, the ecchevaria afterglow and the purple heart can all be planted in the soil. Meemurs requires special soil mix, so she's gonna stay in her pot, but the others can finally grow roots.


After my interview, I made the decision to go through with a huge, long term external transition.

My hair.
Those are the pieces I cut off last summer, but got bored of my bob cut so I sewed them back in LOL

And then took them out again in preparation to brush out my hair.

Once brushed out, I looked like I had just made out with an electrical socket.

Each length of loc took a little over an hour to brush out. We binge-watched Sweet Home until almost 3 in the morning brushing a majority of them out. And took several more hours the following day to brush out the remaining 7. If it wasn't for Chicken's help, I can't imagine doing it all by myself. It would've taken days.

All of this hair came out with the brushing. If I didn't know any better, this would be alarming. But this actually the result of 14+ years of hair fallout. Normally people shed hair, and it disperses into the ether- or the drain, or the floor, or peoples' jackets, or something. All the hair I ever shed just went right back into my locs. Naturally.

The craziest part was seeing all of the split ends. I can't resist splitting them omg. This one was shaped like a spear. That middle one? Also split, the end just hadn't separated yet. So it was really 4 ends instead of 3. And I split it. I TOTALLY went crazy and split so many LOL. I know you're apparently not supposed to do that, because it's like, bad or something. But it's soooo satisfyinnnggg.
My future mother-in-law ended up trimming a bunch of my ends anyway, so there goes my fun. But it was fun while it lasted lol



Annnnd since it's been raining a ton, I went out and checked on the plants. HO BOY.

Meemurs and the Afterglow had to be relocated. I think Meemurs would've been okay, but just in case- I moved her out of the rain. Idk how the Afterglow is gonna fare, considering she's a succulent. I had to do an emergency repotting for her because that planter she's in doesn't have drainage holes and that soil was soupy with rain water. It might be okay, because it's rain water and not tap. But it hope it doesn't die :(

You can see the discoloration coming in on Meemurs. My poor baby is cold. I could bring her in, but we don't have the plant lights set up yet, and she needs natural light. She's gotten so big. Venus fly traps grow slow, but I remember when the entire plant was barely the size of a nickle. She'll be hitting her 1st anniversary with me in April :P

My petunias have taken to a very slow recovery since the fire storms hit Orange County last year. The winds were strong enough to knock over all of my plants and the majority of them went into shock. I was able to salvage my petunia and purple heart, but their growth has been stunted and weird.

These two blooms are actually offsets from the original plant. The original branch actually died off, and these two are now going strong.

My petunias' mascara got everywhere.

Anyway, after 2 days of treatment with coconut oil and conditioning hair masks... my hair finally feels normalish. I'm liking how light my head and neck feel. It's a literal weight off of my shoulders.

If you've never seen a bouquet of locked hair before... well, there you go.

With the good news and prospects, we've been having yummy lunches and dinners. It'd been too long since I'd indulged in chirashi bowls and dim sum. Chicken feet is so yummy!

We still have a long way to go with organizing and unpacking. I finally caught up on my homework assignments for the week. And finished my 3rd book. There are things I wanna mail out to people, but all my mailing stuff is packed away somewhere... in the void of moving boxes. Either way... I'm happy.

The most exciting thing now is starting work, and Lunar New Year coming up. I wanna go crazy and decorate our place with lanterns. It's the year of the Ox. Which can only mean.... OX TAIL SOUP FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY :D


I hope everyone's doing well. There's been so much support from friends and family about my endeavors and seemingly trivial hair transformation. All of it has been so comforting and heartwarming.
    One of the things I had the pleasure of discussing with some of the wonderful people at the Mortuary was how uncomfortable the roles they choose to pursue can make others feel. The slightest mention of the kind of work you do, and immediately people have this... almost like a defense mechanism.. they're like jolted or something.. and recoil. There's a pang of judgement. Aaaaand I get that. Twice over lol. It felt SO good to have that openness and conversation with not only professionals in that field, but also other human beings who want to genuinely help... other human beings- in that very specific kind of way.
And basically my point is... it's wonderful to be surrounded by people who have been aware of what I want to pursue and are genuinely happy ... and aren't weirded out. That's it. That's the point. I'm so grateful.
I love good people, man. It's the best feeling seeing that positive energy just come full tilt.
Because it's so easy to be cynical, and to judge, and harbor negativity. And even easier to doubt yourself and beat yourself up. So when Good People just come forth and just.... overwhelm with positive energy... that shit is MAGICAL. That can cure the worst demons. I love it. Gotta keep that light lit. Hype up your loved ones. Hype up your friends. Hype up your colleagues, that street performer you don't know, that barista who tried to connect just a little bit more that day to check in with you.

My heart is happy.
And my future in-laws wanna feed me again, but I'm not hungry. Oh, the humanity.
I don't like or drink soda... but this Taiwanese root beer is really good.

Anyway... that's all.
Be lovely to one another.
Wear a mask
Drink water
Have good, relaxing poop times

HAPPY FRIYAY

Moving

 Smol bean's log. I'm shaking. Things are happening. One of them good. Another uncertain, but leaning towards amazing. I just. SIGH. I want to scream. From euphoria.

LIFE IS GOOD

It is. And I. Ugh. For starters
GOODBYE ORANGE COUNTY.

Good times. Good food. Fuck OC Patrol. Love our friends. We're out.

Where??
We'll still be in SoCal.

We were supposed to stay until mid/end of February, but made the decision to leave now becauuuussseee health risks aren't a grey area. Basically. And other stuff, but that's nail in the coffin.

We're social creatures, and have an instinctual yearning to be around others, so it's easy to understand why people still go out during this pandemic. That was very much the case with one of our housemates, which was fine- up until we learned that the persons he visited were going out to underground bars. They had previously contracted COVID-19. But CONTINUE going to underground bars after the fact. 

Two of them decided to show up to our house unannounced, barged in... without masks... and had the audacity to invite our housemate to join them to go to an underground bar.

[A lot of questions came to mind. He would visit them every week and we would mind our business. This was never brought up, but Chicken and I would put off visiting family for another two weeks every time our housemate went to visit them. We didn't want trouble and wanted to assume they were careful, and that their contracting COVID-19 was an unfortunate, unavoidable happenstance as it is for many others, many of which died from doing do. But that seems to not be the case.]

After they left, apologies were made. The entire time they were downstairs, we were hiding in our room discussing moving out ASAP due to the fact that they weren't asked to mask up or leave. Not only did they get COVID-19 and spread it in their family, but they seem to be under the impression that because they've already had it, they can't get it again and spread it.

OPINION PIECE:
That was the dumbest fucking thing I've had to tolerate in several years. What stupid, inconsiderate, rude, unbelievably disgusting people. Zero foresight, zero manners or respect for our property, for the people who live here, zero fucking maturity or understanding of the risks they contributed to and bring with them. Fucking unreal.

RANDOM RANT:
When we first moved in, one night when they were here, one of them came up and opened the door to our room while I was asleep on the bed. Irrelevant context; they used to live here. Idk what made him think that was okay. The only reason we knew he did that was because Chicken set up one of the cameras I got him in his room with a motion sensor for the door. When he opened it, Chicken got an alert on his phone. I was livid and felt gross. What if I had been wearing intimates? Or nothing at all? Boundary fucking crossed. From that moment forward, I absolutely wanted nothing to do with the one dude, and the other 2 I just didn't like. Turns out my gut feeling steered me correctly. Even though I was seething, their behavior also wasn't the least bit surprising. They are walking stereotypes.
    
When the subject of why we were leaving came up, I wanted to elaborate, but didn't feel like debating the value of our health and residency, or listening to any kind of defense of their actions or mentality. Like I said, there's zero grey area for this. I don't give a shit enough to argue about it or make my point. So we gave other reasons, which were all true. But a part of me feels he knew the real one that weighed in the most.
    All things considered, he's still our friend. I just feel the lack of boundaries and consideration for the rest of us are concerning- normally I wouldn't give a shit.. but we're involved. As are our family members. So I have to care. Actions speak louder. We're moving out. The end.


REGARDLESS, I'M EXCITED FOR THE MOVE ^_^

Living near work HQ was great, but always felt temporary. Chicken got vacuum bags. That was oddly satisfying to do lol. That fat one is Chicken's trillion shirts. He came across this one in his closet

The only time I've ever seen that shirt worn publicly was when Morheim wore it. This is an ancient relic that must be treasured... because there's no way a design like that would ever fly these days.

Man, I'm usually a slow reader but I've been burning through these books I got for Christmas. Already finished 2 this month. That's unheard of. It usually takes me several weeks. Otsuichi's too weird to put down. I'm still not at the read 8 hours straight level, nor do I think I ever want to be... that's a lot of time that I'm not doing anything else, but I feel better. Because I genuinely enjoy reading, I just get too antsy and if my mind isn't getting utterly rekt, I lose interest. Otsuichi's a good mind fuck.

I'm reading Venus In the Blind Spot now. I already know it's gonna be a mind fuck. Thank you Junji Ito, sir. In February, there's a book club in the Kowabana discord server that's reading Dark Water. Seeing as how that was one of my Christmas gifts, I wanna join them in discussion. It's the first time I'd be partaking in anything like that. We'll see if I actually contribute lol

I'm gonna miss Tasty Garden.

SO ... since I suck at the artsy stuff, I'm trying to push myself to do more artsy stuff. Here's one of those things.
This took me forever.

Looooots of erasing. Because I can't fathom proportions. I have to guesstimate HARD where I think a shoulder would go, and guess from there. That angle of her face wasn't even deliberate. That was totally just me not knowing proportions and it came out crooked and went with it LOL. Same with her shoulder. Her eyes aren't proportional here, but I added more. Was too lazy to post an update.
It's fan art!  For Sense:  A Cyberpunk Ghost Story. I'm struggling with it a lot, but whatever.

Another thing... I'm really enjoying journaling now. I have several journals, all of them gifts. And I think the most I ever used the top two for were for decoding the terminal word puzzles in Fallout 4.

But I'm getting more comfortable with it. The layout is ugly and simple, but I drew in a calendar for January. That was hard because I couldn't fathom the spaces or where the blocks would go.

7 days of the week, 7 blocks. You'd think that'd be easy, right? Wrong. It was really hard for me. I couldn't split them up evenly, even with a ruler. So eventually I just eyeballed it, erased, eyeballed, erased, for like ever. But I'm glad I did it, because it's been extremely helpful.

My journal has become like... central command of my brain. I always wanna check in with it, write something down, look things over, cross stuff off... it's soothing to my nature of visual...ness. lol. Idk how to describe it. I'm a visual learner. Which is weird because I can't picture images well, but hands on-seeing stuff laid before me is the most effective for me to absorb information.

Like, I get teased for this a lot but I don't retain street names or numbers. I only know my way around by landmarks and street patterns. I think San Francisco was the only city that I was able to install the street names and stuff into my mind- but I attribute that to the city being a literal grid, and taking the train and bus everywhere before I had a car.

Anyway, yeah. Journaling! Drawing! Clay stuff! Reading! Moving!
phew

Once we get settled in, I'll feel a lot better about artsy stuff. A work space away from my desktop would be really nice.

Oh yeah, Lifa got lucky and pulled his waifu in Genshin.

I still haven't pulled Qiqi  :'(
I need her. Hu Tao is rumored to be an upcoming playable character. She's a funeral director.
There are no words. I just. I need them both.

Speaking of funeral director...

SIGH. This talisman is working for me. I'm in high spirits. So far, really good start to the new year for us. And end of last year, too. We're counting our chickens. But so far... I'm just... I'm.. Stuff is good. Stuff is really good. Next week... next week, man. Aaaahhhhhhh. I. Can't. Divulge. Furthur. But classes start on Monday. My Mandarin is gonna get good. It will. It has to. Being fluent in 3 languages just sounds... so cool.

That said, I wanna share something I've been really enjoying as of late.

I love water. It's so good. Like, I LOVE water. There's seldom else I ever drink, unless it's like a special time or a treat or whatever. And I have this gallon jug that is always at my desk. I fill it every day. Sometimes I drink the entire thing, sometimes half, whatever. I just like to have water at my reach for the whole day.

Lately... I remembered how at sbux, there'd be these fruit cups. Sometimes, I'd get one and dump the fruit in a trenta cup and fill it with water. Fucking amazing. And so... the frozen fruits we have for smoothies... plus the mint plant we have.. I've been adding fresh mint leaves, strawberries, and mangoes to my gallon jug of water. And I can't stop drinking it. It's DELICIOUS.

If you suck at watering yourself, make that shit taste good by putting fruits in it. I've tried lemon and whatever, but much prefer the sweet/tart infusions. And the mint is just mmpf. BOUJEE WATER FOLKS. It's amazing. Fresh mint is really strong, so this whole gallon would've been fine with 3 leaves, but I'm extra and put 4.
Once I find the perfect roses to grow, absolutely assume that I will put rose petals in my water. Strawberry and rose water. Yes m'am.

Chicken's mom wanted to come down and help us move T_T ahhhh. She's so sweet. But yeah, no. Noooo. We have so much packing to do still lol. All of our (my) dumb decorations and stuff. HO BOY.

Well. That concludes our segment, ladies and gentlemen. I say farewell to Orange County and hello other happy stuff! :D



HI
HAPPY FRIYAY
Be considerate and not shitty. Wear a mask
Drink many waters
Tell your loved ones you love them
Hokay bye