Flaws

   Saving Nuka World is a big job. Gangs to befriend, collectibles to obtain, rides to explore. Sheesh. But it goes without saying that this Fallout 4 DLC is by far my favorite- even though the story in Far Harbor was incredible. And may I just say.. DiMA was quite satisfying to interact with. He was like a synth version of Dr. Manhattan. Mmph! 

My kink is extraordinarily observant and intelligent, hyper-rational, empathic bois with a calm disposition.

Fallout 4 still holds a monopoly over my life (save for Overwatch and Hearthstone).

ANYWHO. 

      So, a few days ago, I decided to try and improve something about myself that, I've realized, is flustering to some I'm close to. Maybe other friends have noticed this about me also but never said anything. Or they haven't. IDK. It's kinda silly.

It's a communication thing. I process things differently. Like, there are blanks that don't fill in for me automatically the way that they should. And in conversation, I find myself confused more than I should be. With multiple people. 

What one of my friends tried to break down for me is that I do not fill in subjective context that is delivered to me. That is to say that I do not assume purpose, meaning, or syntax if what is being said to me is not entirely literal. This happens often. And it clashes with the use of generalizations and ways of just assuming what a person "meant to say" instead of what they actually said. 

I have no problem having conversations with people. The problem comes with verbiage and expression. My redundancy is to reinforce clarification that ... I'm a social idiot that cannot pick up on what people are trying to say to me without becoming confused, followed by looking at them like a deer in headlights.

My boyfriend is so patient with me when I ask him to rephrase or clarify. As are my peers at work with whom I'm always communicating with. 

I'm not sure exactly what it is or why subjective expressions confuse me so much. Or why I simply just cannot register what is being construed. But I'm gonna try to improve on that. 

It's not something I'm ashamed of. If anything, it's kind of fascinating lol. My only guilt lies in that sometimes, my glitch is taxing the patience of my loved ones lol. They by no means make me feel bad at all, and are all for helping me in whatever way they can- even if it means making adjustments to their use of syntax. WHICH IS SO CUTE I LOVE THEM SO MUCH TT_TT

With every little idiosyncrasy comes an opportunity to improve! I'm not looking to "fix" that about myself. I don't even think I could. That's just not how my brain works. But I will try and be less analytical about what is being delivered to me. Which will ironically delay how I fully register something, but it's a start! lol 

Self-improvement things, yay! Honestly it's a virtue I only learned to fully embrace in my late 20's. And to that, I owe credit to 4 people for saying life-changing things to me. 

• The first| was an old friend from high school, Amanda. She once told me she felt I was conceited. I looked it up, and from then on, it was my mission to not make everything about my experiences or opinions. I thought she was my friend, so I took her words very seriously and worked on being mindful of how I presented myself, and my contributions to conversation. It stuck to this very day. Whatever intent was behind her saying that, it helped me.

• The second| was overhearing my high school ex and his friend talking about a girl. Not the subject of a crush or anything, just a homie of theirs. His friend was very smart, so I looked up to him, despite how intimidating he was to me. He said, "she never gets offended! She's so fun" as he laughed over some joke they discussed. He found her appealing, and was fond of her. That changed me. I agreed with him. Moving forward, I would reconsider how I perceived things so as to not allow myself to get worked up, or upset. It truly makes for more pleasant experiences overall when you're not looking for something to get angry over.

• The third| was my hiring manager in San Francisco. Upon hire, she mentioned to me that I will encounter all kinds of people. Some will simply be in a bad mood before walking through the door. Never take things personally. I took this advice and held it close to my heart. To this day, even when someone is making it personal, I do not register it as so, and turn away.

• And finally, the fourth| was an ex that told me I would get defensive. This was one of those things that I did not understand and confused me. Which only fueled that trait. It was a broad term that I didn't understand the social context of. It wasn't until later on that I worked with a defensive boss that it finally made sense to me. She made excuses for everything, and fault was seldom hers to own. Approaching her was often a challenge; the point of the message would surely get misconstrued into a personal attack instead of a means to solve a problem. This is what my ex was trying to explain to me, but I never understood until that point. And this is what changed me.

All this considered, the self-awareness I've gotten from all of these small things in life, totally makes feedback very precious to me. I welcome it openly. And improvement is something to always strive for. Now, I'm realizing another opportunity to adjust something that can lead to me being less confused in one on one conversations lol. Maybe it's a flaw, maybe it's not. I may just register things differently, and that's that. Either way, it doesn't upset me. Just something I could be more mindful of!
I definitely have a lot of personality flaws and traits that I wish I could just turn off overnight. But I try to keep them in check- unless you're a dick to me. Then, it's different! ha. But yeah. My brain poop. Scattered here. everywhere.

The funny thing is what got me thinking about all this stuff was really all the supportive and loving post it notes in the bathrooms at work!

It made me want to look at myself and analyze. Even more than usual lol. Kinda like a Windows update thing. Scan all the software, look for glitches, re-evaluate. I have to do it one glitch at a time but this is where I'm at, mentally. It's a good place. Makes me feel good ^_^ 

I think if more people did little software scans every now and then, instead of trying to get the next best hardware asap to compete with someone else's hardware, then we'd all probably be a little bit better off. 

This was a different kind of post but the next one will have more exciting photos and commentary lol. I'm sorry for the lame mental poop! I just love mental poops. Poops in general aren't appreciated enough. They're so relieving, and they tell you so much about what's going on in your body! LOOK IT UP. YOUR POOP TALKS TO YOU, LISTEN TO IT. 

Anyway. Yeah. Poop

Here's a picture of me squishing an extraordinarily observant and intelligent, hyper-rational, empathic boi with a calm disposition, in the cafeteria at work.

 a ghost is on my eyeball

THANKS FOR THE PICTURE, BRIAN

BUBBLE GOD

    My enchantress companion in Diablo III turns mobs into chickens and it's probably one of my most favorite simple pleasures in life.  That, and how beautiful the Mistress of Pain is. Her concept artist described to me what he was going for when he was working on her; "gothic, lace... pale" and to this day I still shriek like a frightened dad when I run into her in Diablo. She's my spirit.. animal? Demon?

I'm not sure why I'm opening with Diablo stuff. But here's a picture from campus at sunset. Simple pleasures.

WARNING: OVERWATCH STUFF AHEAD
   If you're not into Overwatch, sorry :\

My boss was like, we're going to the arena to watch OWL, you HAVE to go. So, off to Burbank we went! Was cool being back there after ... I don't remember. It's been a while. 

Someone was sick and we had an extra ticket, so I dragged boyfriend. Which was fine because we see him every day anyway. YAY WORK FIELD TRIPS.
We had to get there earlier because peeps were gonna give us a tour. Was pretty neat.

We got to meet Bob. He was in charge of sounds. Like the horn. Every time that horn goes off.... THANKS BOB! Another super nice thing was that a lot of peeps recognized us-- made my shyness go away a little.

Ran into more people who were there to support too! ^_^

Chekken good

If something were to eff up, there's a 25 second window to fix it before the internet sees it. SECRETS UNVEILED. In theory, the future could be halted and altered GASP

I saw Symmetra get picked and screamed but he changed at the last minute and I felt personally attacked. It's not fair. She has so much potential to be awesome.

 What I was most excited for was seeing Shanghai play. They did not disappoint my anticipation for disappointment. Their 4-0 final surprised no one. But I always held onto a little bit of hope. Poor Fiveking. It was cool watching them play regardless of the amount of people that left. Truly, I so want them to do well during Stage 3.

Afterwards, we got dinner in Downtown Burbank. Secretly, I wanted to get pulled over in the hopes of seeing a familiar face. But alas, pulled over we were not. But we did go have sushi.

My soap bar was running low. So I ordered soap from Cheynne again :D

there's a melted fetus in my soap! ^_^

And for good measure, she ever so sweetly added a cute little soap bat just because. That woman is awesome and filterless. Please consider getting her soaps because they're hilarious and great and smell magical. Also, fetus.

FAMILY ROAD TRIP STORY TIME

    So boyf's sister very kindly offered an invitation to me to join her at her daughter's birthday party. This message was relayed by boyf, who then relayed to the rest of the family, who was like COOL. I had a tiny moment of anxiety at first becaaaaauuuussseeee... the last time a family trip came up, I was invited, but under different circumstances, with some expectations. To say the least. --which let me add and stress-- that I was totally understanding of and had zero qualms with, but did not comply to. 

Side note: Cultures happen. My fam is oversaturated with it. As is his. However, his family wasn't exposed to my crap like my family was. To his fam, I looked like this:

And I completely understand. That's just the way things were. But then his other sister was like NAH, I WANNA MEET HER and enough time went by that I soon enough found myself nestled in the middle section of the family van, next to his OTHER sister, and headed towards the Bay Area.

FEELS GOOD, MAN.

It's all good though, I like overcoming challenges. Means more. And everyone likes good flavor in character development AMIRITE

Everything was absolutely perfect in dreamland. That's probably not even true because dreams seldom occur for me, but for the sake of environment, everything was great. I was passed out. As was pretty much anyone who wasn't driving. We were approaching the grapevine- an estimated 2 hours into the 6 hour drive up north when suddenly, I smelled a strong disturbance in the oxygen within our wheeled chamber. "huh. smells like fuel. THAT'S FINE." and did my best to go back to sleep.

I couldn't. And neither could anyone else. 

We kept driving for a little while longer until we pulled over at the nearest ... civilization area with a McDonald's, Starbucks, gas station, and other stuff. Here, the fam got out and popped up the trunk. 

Clueless, but guessing that the fuel tank was overflowing. Or something. Maybe the car just needed to rest?

We got breakfast and deliberated. This was probably the nicest McDonald's I've ever stepped inside. There were nice little diner-esque tables accented with a tiny vase and salt and pepper shakers. It was actually cute. And apparently there are these electronic kiosks that one can order from instead of walking up to the counter. Was pretty awesome, we didn't have to talk to anyone to put our order in. 

OH MAN, THE FUTURE'S HERE

After much deliberation, and breakfast eating, we decided that perhaps it was just an overflow of the fuel and we can keep going. The other option was to drive the van back, and finish the trip in another car. Which would mean we wouldn't be arriving until much, much later. OR we could drop the van off at a rental car place, and just rent another vehicle to finish the trip. 

We opted to try and make the drive in the van. This was the wrong answer. Because we ended up stranded in the grapevine, waiting on a tow truck that was 20 minutes away. The good part of this was that the scenery was pretty. It reminded me of Hyrule in the way.

Once he arrived, we all squeezed into the truck and made the 15 minute commute to the nearest repair shop. 

SO LIKE, UM. The quote they gave us to repair the van was insane. I understand supply and demand out in the middle of the heckin grapevine but that was ridiculous. So, instead, lol....

The van was TOWED all the way back home. Two hours snuggled up in the back of a tow-truck. Once we arrived at the repair place, his aunt and uncle were waiting for us. Boyf and I grabbed extra stuff we weren't going to take, and got a lift back to his place to get his car. 

So instead of getting there around 1pm, we're looking at 10:30 if we're lucky.

ALRIGHT COOL. HERE WE GO AGAIN.

He drove fast. And the lack of traffic helped. We made it in 5 hours to Oakland/Berkley area from the OC.
Right next door to our hotel was this bear grills aesthetic mountain beard man vibe type place.

Checked in and passed out. It was kind of a long day.

The next morning, we were entrusted to pick up some goods. I'd forgotten how pretty and hill-y the Bay Area landscaping is.

When I lived in San Francisco (10 years ago holy shit), I took public transportation everywhere because there's no need for a car really. And I loved how close-knit everything was. The streets were lined with cute houses and trees everywhere. Even at 8th and market it was so.... San Francisco looking lol. Though we weren't in San Francisco this time around, it was still nice to be there. I missed the vibe. It's a completely different vibe up north than shit-eating SoCal (mostly LA area tbh though).

Our mission was to acquire birthday cupcakes from this cute little cupcake boutique (another thing I love about the bay area- cute indie boutiques everywhere!) in this cute little fucking plaza somewhere.

This whole area looked like a cute mobile game concept for a build-your-own-shop app. You know EXACTLY what I'm talking about. A part of me wanted to kick the door down of all of the little shops and just start doing stuff. What, exactly? I hadn't thought that part out yet but I needed to just fiddle and press buttons and move stuff because cute. But can't because arrested.

This shop, Twig & Fig (I think?) had all this cute lettering and cards and stationary stuff in it. It was closed which made it even more appealing. But gawsh, it was just the cutest little shop I WANT IT

Note: we were on an island. Crossed this cute bridge to get there.

Destination: The Park.

We delivered the goods safely. Once there, I DIED. I had no prior contact with his sister (he has two, we'll call this one B. And the one that I torment with Black Ball is S). B waved at us from the distance as we approached the grounds, nearing the section that was clearly turfed as Birthday Homies Only. I gripped Boyf's arm firmly, screaming inside as my shyness started to overwhelm me. She started walking towards us. The closer she was, the worse the circulation was in Boyfs' arm. 

Finally, she stood before us and opened with a sweet little hello and followed with, in the cutest little voice ever, "Can I hug you?"

HAPPY SCREAMING IN MY SOUL

 GUYS I was ELATED and she was so cute and sweet and omg I SAID YES if that wasn't clear yet  eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ^_____________^. That alone put me in a good place for the whole weekend. It was like a buff. I get one from work every time I hear Brode laugh (google it) and it's good for a couple hours but this was like... really really nice. 

Throughout the afternoon, once I felt a little less shy about all the people in attendance, I followed S to the giant bubble area and found myself mystified by bubbles. It was at that moment that I realized  I've taken bubbles for granted. I think the last time bubbles mystified me this much was at the Renaissance Fair when I saw Serendipity on a hill, blowing bubbles, casting her good fairy witch spells on children

 I shit you not.

So I went over there and opened up my camera while S did her thing. I directed her to just pretend I wasn't there and make beautiful bubble babies. Not verbatim but basically that.

Bubbles are a crazy neat science, but also very pretty. These are floating soapy membranous sacs of our spitty carbon dioxide. That's so cool.

And the shapes they take on before succumbing to their own centripetal gravity pull from like, zero mass, is like watching floating gas take form. IT'S SO NEATO. There's so much happening inside  bubble at a molecular level! WHY DO I CARE THIS MUCH 

I DON'T KNOW

IT'S JUST REALLY COOL

And can we just talk about the light spectrum on bubbles because LOOK HOW PRETTY. Ultra violet rays suck but they make cute Lisa Frank aesthetics on fucking gas filled membranous soap sacs.

りゅ が わが てき を くらう

Later on, Boyf and B joined in on the creation of bubbles. We were gods among children. But later found that like god, also accidentally created havoc amongst the land. When these 3 Satan children came out of nowhere, and took ownership of our Holy bubble wands. Like the kind Gods we were, we allowed it~ for a while. Until one Satan child began to bully the other Satan child and the wands became tainted with sword-like play. These are not swords, Satan child. These are BUBBLE WANDS. For bubble-making. The Gods loomed in over the 3 Satan children and gradually, as the wands were placed on the hollowed ground in between bullying, were scooped up and put away at the Birthday Homies Only table. At one point, the final and most rebellious of the 3, would not give up the holy bubble wand. The elder God, B, stepped in and demanded he give over the wand. For it was not his to take. And frankly, it was time to go (the Gods were hungry). After a hilarious scuffle and smack to the stomach from the 2nd Satan child, the 3rd Satan child gave up his wand and plagued the land with cries of agony and defeat. The wands were retrieved once again, and the gods came out victorious with all birthday goodies in hand. I laughed and walked away because that was just really funny.

 We split because food! I was so ready. No idea where we were going, they just gave us an address. But got to go under this cool underpass thingy that reminded me of Blade runner.

WAIT. CAN I TALK ABOUT SOMETHING SUPER QUICK?

Blade runner. Okay. You know how it's like all cool and neon and futuristic but dark in gloomy Japan areas with buildings and stuff? Okay. Got the visual? 

Okay now... you know that song called "All Time Low"? Where the hook is "I'm at an all time LOW LOW LOW LOW LOW" but it's all like.. sad and robotic sounding? kind of?

OKAY. That song is just like.. a great song to put to a scene in Blade runner where the camera is panning around the city zooming out from close up of a sad replicant or something and it's raining and then it pans to like another character and then cuts to a fight I DON'T KNOW. I wanna make a Blade runner music video to that song. Because it fits SO well. The first time I heard the hook, it immediately made me think of Blade runner. 

No, I haven't seen the new one. 

OKAY. I'm exhausted because that shit gets me hype. Pris and Rachael are so cute.

We met them at an Afghan restaurant downtown. It was my first time trying Afghan food. And was thrilled for it because food is awesome. 

 A lot of food was ordered. And it was SO good. Most of it was like, curried stuff, with seasoned rice. And I live for both so this was heaven. Also yogurt on seasoned and super savory food is like MMPH. And they had that. AND there was a cilantro sauce OH MY GOD.

So now... I'm gonna probably (unlikely) gonna put my crappy ramen and galbi vacuum face on hold and seek out some dope Middle Eastern places because CILANTRO AND YOGURT AND CURRIED STUFF.

We spent some time at their place afterwards, and once everyone started getting sleepy we headed back to the hotel. 

Hotels make me weird. er.

The next morning we joined them for breakfast at their place. It was delicious! They prepared everything at home for us ^_^

And went for a nice walk with the puppers. 

Until our visit came to an end. 

I'm still in a little awe that his family has been as cool as they have been with me to invite me to join them on his sister's daughter's birthday. In the bay area. There's something to be said about that because family is important, and I wanna respect them as much as I can with what I can give. We haven't been dating very long (imo). It may not seem like it's that big of a deal, but for me... or rather someone like me, it is. And I'm sure the heaviness of my unconventional presence was also quite new and challenging for his fam. So, with all this in mind, I am very grateful and feel so lucky to have made a good impression ^_^. I hope I don't let them down! I don't think I will, at least not on purpose but if I do something dumb to my face or my hair, I can't help that. 

That afternoon, we drove back home to Silent Hill.

Sometimes, Silent Hill was really pretty.

But death was everywhere. Especially on the windshield. 

And when we finally home, there was only one thing left to do. It was too easy. 

We HAD to eat KBBQ and Hot Pot. At the same time. There was just no other option. It had to be done.

YAY FAMILY TRIPS. I can cross off being stranded in the grapevine and napping in a tow-truck for two hours off my achievements. In spite of that stuff happening, it was still exciting. Makes for a good story, no? :D 

And I realized I took a ton of pictures during that trip, SO THIS MARKS THE END OF THIS POST. But I hope that now you, reader, have a new found appreciation for the incredible ecosystem that is the giant bubble. And apparently it's this huge hobby and there are tons of forums for it and there are even championships for bubble blowing. It's nuts. I love it. 

OKAY I NEED TO PLAY GAMES NAO. Lol that kid got punched in the stomach by his sister lolololol I know I said slapped but she striked him lol okay byyyyye