Spicy

 Oh no! Can you feel it? I can feel it... that slack. First it's one week, then ... another. And then another. And then.... we never heard from her again. The HARRAH. I don't wanna fall into it but it's creepin. IT'S CREEPIN. Can't stop. I'm not even gonna make excuses though, I just straight up am tired after getting home from work. My selfishness with time management is ... ze biggest.

I'm good though. LOTS OF CUTE THINGS AROUND ME. And it's all because of Chicken. The man has been spoiling me with small, simple pleasures. He always asks me "do you need anything?" while he's ordering stuff off amazon. And I can never think of something. At most, basic necessities. Toothbrushes. Toothpaste. Razors. Idk. But he just stares, because those are the wrong answer.

Very recently, he not only got me this cute notebook, but 4 new bras, plus an organizer for my intimates drawer. Desaturation felt sufficient enough to defuse spicy visuals that are best left ambiguous.
When it comes to clothes, I don't care much about organizing. If it's folded and put away out of sight, I'm happy.
On top of that, for probably most of my life, I'd been wearing the wrong size bra lmao. I tried to measure myself once, but butchered that attempt and forfeited the notion forever. He recently measured me (thanks to internets) and insisted on trying the correct size. I said "eventually" I'll get to it. Because it's not that big of a deal. I've been wearing the wrong size, what's another lifetime, right? It's only 2 cup sizes off lmao IT'S FINE.

Suffice to say.. the new ones he got me fit insanely well, are actually comfortable, support, sit nicely, and feel good to wear! And with the organizers, well... I can find stuff easier. Sometimes when I'd ask him to grab something out for me, he'd struggle because it's just a void of black.
Now it's a compartmentalized void, with varying planes of shadow and texture. Hooray!

He also got me new pens and highlighters for my journaling!! The ones I was using were dumpy. Like... Daiso-after 1 year of usage-dumpy.

He's always asking me if I want anything else.
That's a generosity I've experienced many, many times throughout my life. And I'm extremely grateful and fortunate to have met and known so many generous people with big hearts. Absolutely an act that I never want to take for granted. I think that's why I feel like there isn't much more that I want. I'm good. Even when I'm not good... always counting my blessings. The small stuff is amazing.
I know Chicken wants to shower me with all of the things. But I hope he knows that him just wanting to do that is more than enough for me. Unless it's all-you-can-eat sushi, then I'm not gonna say no LOL.

That said, I do admit that these pens are dope. Sharpies are too. So are the organizers lol. And I guess wearing the correct bra size is up there. So THANK YOU CHICKEN. Sometimes I guess shutting up is the best thing for me :3

OOH IT'S RAINING

He's been doing a lot on his Miata. It's cute.

Idk much about cars, but seeing him go all out and being passionate about his car(s) is awesome. He even got a jumper suit.

Man, when COVID stuff actually calms down to a legitimately safe measure, we're gonna hit up all the car meets lol. At least all the ones near LA.

Work!

How's work going?
It's a lot. There's nothing like it that I can compare it to. And I love that about it. Sometimes it's hectic, sometimes it's focus focus focus, sometimes I'm crying in the foyer because a family put "Remember Me" from Pixar's Coco in their memorial video and I can't let them see me lose it like that. Sometimes I get to go on rides to all kinds of places. And sometimes furry babies are brought in ^_^

She stole the show that day. And seemed perfectly contented to do so.

Also I just wanna point out... that while a lot of people may think durian smells like... rotting stuff.... I brought in durian rolls to work and ate them in the office.. and everyone was unbothered by the smell.

I gave them a heads up mind you! I said I'm gonna go to my car because my lunch is stinky, and they were like pshhh it's fine just eat here. And I was like... don't say you weren't warned!
And they literally were like... "huh."
Someone said it smelled like mango. Someone else said it smelled like gas from the stove - which others agreed with.
One day I'm gonna bring in an actual durian for them to all try.
With permission first, of course :3
But I don't know how that's gonna work out because the smell might be too strong and go into the front. And that would be very, very bad.


OMG So I've been going off about Hu Tao in Genshin Impact and when she finally was released to drop, Chicken and I rolled for her.



I SCREAMED

He was cracking up. There were no words.
I got up and walked out lmao. Felt spicyyy
The good news is that I got Hu Tao on my 3rd 10 roll. The bad news (for me) is that I didn't get Qiqi. But HE GOT QIQI AND THEN GOT HU TAO
uuuuggggghhh. What a world.
It's fine because we got to take cute screenshots in the game together. SIGH.

Another good thing is that since I'm out now because of work, I can stop by the market on my way home instead of dragging myself out of the house when I don't want to go anywhere. So I restocked on drinks :D

What day is it. I don't know that I'm gonna keep up with the every Friday thing anymore. But I will continue to write and post. Just... whenever. I'm also contemplating another avenue of expression because there's a lot that I wanna talk about and would appreciate other peoples' thoughts on the it. But we'll see how that goes.

ghlkdajfljeoiajfdlkjfa;lkdfj;dkljf
I dont know what else to write. So I leave you all now with this

A mason jar overflowing with Taco Bell diablo sauce.
May it bring you lots of good fortune, better spicy food tolerance, flavorful meals, and the strength to wear a mask until it's safe again.

Bless up.

Btw I was literally blessed like a week ago, he sprinkled holy water on me while I was at the back of the chapel during a service. I was like hell yeah, that's dope thanks yo. He couldn't say anything back tho because he was singing.

Ok bye

Durian...?

  WHAT DAY IS IT
The days blur together. They do this when I'm unemployed, and also when I'm working and running around doing all of the things. Days... STAHP IT.

It's Sunday night now. Which means... class tomorrow. It's also the first of the month. Which means... the day after will be March 2... which means... 

MY BELOVED HU TAO WILL GO LIVE and she'll get her own banner and and and ... I'm more excited for her than anything else. I've been saving up for her and I just.... sigh. I JUST WANT HER. And Qiqi but.. I'll be happy with Hu Tao.

Context: Playable character in Genshin Impact who is a funeral director for the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor. She wants to bury Qiqi because Qiqi is a jiangshi. Qiqi dislikes Hu Tao. Hu Tao neither likes nor dislikes Qiqi, she just feels that because Qiqi is dead, she should be in a casket, or in the ground, or exorcised, or something. Hu Tao also likes ghosts.


I just.

She's so.

Words escape me.


This is the representation I've dreamed of...  (aside from someday seeing a hairstyle to the one I had) somewhere in video games other than a Sims 2 mod. But like. Oh my god T_T OH MY GOD I could cry.

I wanna cosplay herrrrrr which means bootleg costume LOL but that's fine because I don't have the motivation to make another cosplay in between work and class.
Actually... the more I think about it... I don't think I need to buy her costume. I dress similarly to that anyway, so........hmmm... maybe... idk. it's fine. Whatever. WE'LL SEE WHAT HAPPENS. Either way... I wanna do something.. regarding her. Idk what tho. Probably make a pillow of her ghost or something, like how I rage-made my Gastly pillow.


Moving along to other stuff.

There is no other stuff LOL. I just work and have class. But am having a lot of fun and learning a lot. I'm feeling more comfortable doing services by myself. It's always more of a challenge with front facing tasks, but I'm navigating that with the utmost care and deliberation.

I'm also getting back into producing and editing video stuff. For work, not me. I'm crunchy, but it's all slowly coming back to me.

CRUNCHY.

There so much stuff I wanna talk about. SO much. Because my brain is always analyzing and associating stuff with memory. For example...  the durian phenomenon...

If you know, you know.
For many... the smell of durian is foul. Vile. Rotten. Vomit inducing. The appearance of tiny lungs inside this thing can also be off-putting to some.
I am unbothered by any of it. In fact, I like it and am fascinated by the layers I smell and how my mind races to recall what those complexities remind me of. (When it comes to consuming this fruit, I think it's actually really tasty.)


Are we... picking up what I'm putting down?
Just the fruit. We only eat the fruit.
.. you get it, right?

Ok.

Double entendre aside, durian is amazing, delicious, and it's good for you.
And now I want some. It tastes like sweet, buttery mango with a little bit of sweet french onion undertones. So yummy.
ANYWAY.

Yeah back to stuff I wanna talk about but uh... resort to durians as a contextual crutch.

I just turned and looked at Chicken and went "do you wanna go to Phoenix cafe tomorrow maybe...?" And he's like lol... "do you want durian cakes?"

CURSES...FOILED AGAIN! He knows too much. He didn't even know that I'm writing about durians again. He's not wrong tho. I do want durian cakes lol.


CHICKENS?!

Chicken!
I mean, they're doves, but.... looookit aaaaawwwww doooose CHIIIICKENS
I had my first graveside service recently and our chicken guy brought them and and and

One of the little girls got to hold and release a dove, and I was lowkey jealous LOL. Oscar - chicken guy- was like omg c'mere you can pet them and I was like nooooooooooooooo not right now and he was like it's okay! come pet them! and I was like nooooooooooooooooooo (but I SO WANTED TO)

I couldn't. Just because I didn't wanna be a squeaking, blabbering idiot that started crying while holding a dove and start screaming "CHIIICKEN...ISSO CYOOOOOOOOOO" in front of a mourning family

Because I will cry.

So, in case anyone's curious. They're homing doves. They're trained to fly back to their home base as a group. So when the little girl let the one go, it just kinda hung out until the others were released, and they call gather and fly off, eventually to return. Some were marked blue, and some were because... because.. BECAUSE SOME WERE STILL IN TRAINING UWU

He told the family that and they were like omg that's SOO CYOOOOO and I was like awwwww that IS so cyooooo uwu (but didn't say it).

Next time, if pets are afforded to me, I may find it difficult to refuse. But only covertly. I was lucky this time because we arrived early, so my coworker let me use her phone to take pictures LOL.

Today I went on a first call. This license plate is very LA.

First time at the coroner's office!
Also... the first time I've been in LA in like 2 years, or even anywhere near Little Tokyo.
Sigh.

I miss Little Tokyo T_T
We're a lot closer and I just... wanna go. But we have to be good.

I don't wanna say how I know this but there are, in fact, people who are leaving their house to go out and do things while sick. It's extremely fucked up. So... we're still being very careful. But a part of me feels like because LA has started being lax on stuff, people are forgetting themselves and are starting to casually go out again. And it just... it's depressing. We could've been out of this a long time ago. But people still wanna go out to bars, or go out to eat, or the gym, or whatever.

COVID-19 is still a thing. It's still contagious. It's still dangerous. And it's still killing people.
But whatever, what do I know?

(that was SO rhetorical that I think all sarcasm has been purified from my being just from how hard my eyes rolled back into my heaed.)

My mommy sent me stuff. She's so amazing.
Inventory!

• Maiz - purple corn that we use in Peru to make desserts, drinks, candies.
• Flan! because flan!
• Shells & Cheese! Me and my mom would go to Aldi's to get groceries and she would always buy shells and cheese and prepare it for me. It's very special.
• chili cream sauces! Peru has a lot of pureed sauces in cuisine made from various peppers. She was able to find some premade sauces for me to try. She says they're pretty good for what they are :D I trust her.

Ahh, I miss my mom and dad so much. So, so much. I'd go see them but, lol that'd be extremely fucked up to do right now all things considered.


SO HERE IS A CUTE, FUZZY, SMOL, JUMPING SPIDER I FOUND IN THE BACK YARD

So itty bitty and fuzzy. I wanted to give it pets. Jumping spiders are adorable, it's not fair. HOW DO I GIVE IT KISSIES AND LOVES!?


Am tired. Want durian. Did I finish homework? I think I did. I don't even know. I just wanna sleep. Pretty sure I did though.

K I go.
Eat durian, it smells cool.
K bye

wear a mask and
if you're SICK
DON'T FUCKING GO OUT??

kbye

Muertitos + BlizzConline 2021

   Waooo wao wao waooo soo much going on, waaaooo..

So I'm gonna just gush for a little bit before I talk about BlizzcOnline. There's a lot of gush.

Oh hey, a joke

ALRIGHT.

Now that I'm working at an independent mortuary, I can't stress enough that I AM SO IN LOVE WITH WHAT I DO. SO IN LOVE. There's a plethora of things I'm learning every day, and very recently I'm growing more into gradually learning how to direct our funeral services with the help and warm encouragement from our fucking awesome team.

Getting my name tag made my heart burst T_T

Everyone has demonstrated their desire to help me grow and develop, and they believe in me, and it's been a huge like... just... you know when you just get that really nice chapstick that just... mmpf, you put it on and you just feel great? Because that chapstick is keeping you feeling good? No one can see that you're wearing it, but you know it's there, and without that chapstick, you're still aight but man, that chaptstick... fresh. Y'know?
My mortuary fam is my emotional chapstick. Also, in my welcome aboard package, they gifted me a bunch of cute stuff- one of which is chapstick with our brand on it LOL. And it's nice. I'm wearing it right now. POETRY.

One thing I wanna highlight is the support my mom gives me. Every day after I leave work, I call her and she asks me how my day went and asks about my "muertitos" in the most endearing, loving way ever.
In Spanish, muertitos translates to little dead ones. Muerte- death. Muerto- deceased or decedent. Muert+ito= death+smol, in context... little dead one. I love her so much. She gets so excited to hear about my progress and how my day went, and she cares about the loved ones and the families. Having this connection with my mom about specifically this field and everything in it is... I'm so beyond grateful for her.
My mom used to be a nurse back when we lived in Peru. But back then, she would tell me how nurses were trained for everything and were expected to flex between roles. Today, you'll find more specialized practices that I guess lightens the workload. She got to work with a lot of families when their loved ones would come into her hospital's care. She saw it all, and she was so in love with what she did. She continues to be passionate about everything that came with that line of work and ruminates on her time there fondly. This bond with her is so special to me. I hope she knows that. I gotta make sure to tell her.

OH. Something I forgot to mention before; photos?? not gonna happen.

BUT Look at these little things from coleagues :D

Another happy thing... I ordered girl scout cookies because... important.



Note: the lemon ones taste exactly like the lemon pound cakes from Starbucks.



Also loooooooooooooooooooooooooooook
I love this artist so much. There's barely any more room on my bag for more pins but... I'll find a home for these somewhere.

BLIZZCONLINE 2021 | waaaooo wao wao wao

What can I say?
Well, a lot, but I'm technically still under NDA
SO LETS ENJOY SOME BEHIND THE SCENES STUFF SHALL WE

Homdray got to be in front of the camera this year for the Diablo II|Resurrection Deep Dive panel, and there was a lot of set up. And... maybe you were wondering, or maybe you weren't....  why Homdray looked so flawless? Was it his au natural skin? Or was it my dope goth matte-ifying make up? (Guess.)
The lights were like a billion degrees and were slowly roasting him alive

Hi, that's Homdray!

He read books about Blizzard-North and dug up ancient resources that haven't been accessed in eons. He's a fact-checker. Stubborn, always wanting to improve and quadruple checking. If he's passionate about something, he's very protective of the integrity of it.
One thing about Homdray that I admire is that he utilizes negative feedback instead of succumbing to the sting of potentially being told that you're wrong.
When it comes to opinions, I don't care cuz opinions don't ultimately matter lmao, but when it comes to what is GOOD and integrity is on the line, he won't budge or compromise.
I like that about him, because it makes me feel less crazy lol. Annnd and and, like Chicken and myself, he's also an ISTJ hahaahaha
There's no what if, there's no compromise- It's either Good or it's not.

So I can tell you with full confidence that D2|Resurrection is in the right hands with Homdray on the team.
100%

Also all this equipment setup stuff..

Chicken lives for this shit

He set up and made sure Homdray was looking prime and like, the readiest

and good.
It took a long time lol

"haaaay guise, welcome to mai streeeaaam"

Lifa kept stuff in check as far as how good the shot looked.
There was a lot of little detail stuff.

wao wat a dev

It was fun. We had to be good and step out when the time came, but I can't promise that Lifa and I didn't probably creep up to Homdray's closed door, and maybe giggled like idiots while listening in.

Maybe we did. Maybe we didn't. The world may never know.
Chicken is so patient.

But honestly, I know how hard everyone worked to put this together, and it amazes me still how much love goes into all things Blizzcon. It's that absolute love for community that drives the passion to bring Blizzcon to everyone, even through the limitations of the pandemic... it's all for the fans and the community. And it's dope. And I'm so proud of Saralyn, she goes HAM every year, and all the teams, and especially IT and the video department. I can't imagine the shitshow schedules they were met with in order to keep this absolute monster going so smoothly. Sigh.

When things start to calm down, I can't wait to go visit campus and hug and cry on everyone. March will be the 1 year mark since we were told to go home- thinking this was all temporary. It still pains me that it absolutely could have been - if everyone had just complied in the beginning. But that was too much to ask.

But yeah. While I miss the in-person Blizzcon experience; the cosplays, the friends, the food, and just chillin at a con with familiar faces, BlizzcOnline was like sweet honey in this otherwise bland tea that this past year has felt like. Not just bland tea, but weak. Ugh. (Unless it's barley tea, but like ... 2020 was absolutely not ... delicious barley tea. so.)

ANYWAY Moving along

Omg there's this insanely cute little coffee/flower shop that we stopped by over the weekend. HNNNNG IT'S ADORABLE

You go in and everything is covered in cute plants and stuff and plushies and they have street food and drinks and they sell flowers!!!

It looks like... someone's cute cafe concept art on Twitter that just.. came to life.

"Coffee Flower" is the shop's name

We will be returning- This last trip, I got the pistachio latte with cocogoat uwu
was muy yummy ^_^

Annnnd lastly... I cut my hair again... if that wasn't apparent in the first photo with my head in it.

The changes are so drastic when at work LOL

I'm adjusting to styling my hair differently. Since my undercut is still there, the challenge is proving kinda fun, I guess. I had to borrow a hair brush because I never had one haha. No reason to have one before. But I just use it for teasing. Brushing my hair feels like shit lol.


One of these days I'll be able to get back to my clay stuff. It's been put on hold. Can you believe we still have boxes to unpack? I think now, we've just gotten kinda settled in to where it's comfortable, but there's so much to do still.

I miss my bff.

Anywho
Now I bid you dear reader a fond adieu.
I've homework to catch up on.
So I'll leave you with this death positive quote from Weiner Wilde, and some crazy lady nonsense:

"Death must be so beautiful. To lie in the soft brown earth, with the grasses waving above one's head, and listen to silence. To have no yesterday, and no to-morrow. To forget time, to forget life, to be at peace."

We as a culture in the West have a lot of fear about death to the point where we avoid talking about it or even wanting to think about it- denying its rightful place in all of our own fantastical chapters of what we know to be Life. Without Death, what value does Life have? Without Life, how can we truly feel the gravity of our lives in our Death chapter? It's why simply existing is monumental. Every moment, every emotion, every experience, every interaction, is the most amazing journey to our final chapter. And that's okay. And it's wonderful. Being alive... no, actually just being.. is pretty damn incredible.

Oh yeah, wear a mask please. k bye.