And I feel that just for the sake of maybe helping someone that may read this, I'm going to tell all.
I commend the boyfriends who perform that have girlfriends who cannot keep to their own lives, and feel they need to be involved and somewhat live vicariously through their lovers' successes through whatever means that may be.
Gentlemen... the patience you have goes unnoticed by many, and understood also by many, but in silence. For Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Or one that's just really bored and posessive.
The irony is... I was exactly that kind of girlfriend. I felt I needed to be involved, and included, in something that had absolutely nothing to do with me whatsoever. I took it personally when I was told to butt out. When he would go out of his way to make me feel like I was a part of what he did, it wasn't ever enough. I wanted more. So I would feel better about myself, and also as a means to validate my involvement, and my status-- even though no one really gives a shit. I never went as far as to talk and tell everyone and all the fans about us, or put on a show on the internet- I didn't need that, but I did want to be a part of that world- at the time... and looking back on that now, I looked like a fucking annoying, bitchy, clingy, insecure little tag-along tool that needed to get a hobby and some self confidence.
But I am thankful for my experiences, for they've put so many things in perspective for me.
It shows. It shows when she's eager to be involved. It shows when he wants her to back off. It shows when she goes out of her way to investigate, and finally, because of her own convoluted thoughts and insecurities, she comes up with imaginary scenarios in her head that she convinces herself are true, because she's not in the know of everything 100%.
I know, because I used to do that too. And I recognize it a mile away. And let me tell you... it shows.
It embarrasses me that we as women need that type of security to feel validated in a relationship with a performer. And it makes me feel sorry for the men that have to introduce this process to the girlfriend for the first time, and deal with it every time. But I hope this puts something in perspective for you too.
It also shows that this blog, that I personally run, by myself, and write in, and single-handedly upload my own pictures onto from only one possible source... is not just 'the internet.' I know this because I don't take a lot of what I post here and throw it all over the internet. And I don't think that many others do.
It's.... something else, and it shows.
He says what you wanna hear so the bitching ends. It makes you feel better for the moment, but it will never be enough. Not until you get some confidence, a passion, a goal, and a clue.
It took me a few years to get to this point. But now that I did... get a hobby. Get some confidence. Tell yourself all the things you think you need to until it sinks in that you are a completely different entity than him and what he does, and that is absolutely okay- because you also have your shit to do.
And if you don't... find it. The kiddies/fans may make you feel good, but if you can't go a single day without feeling validated by them, by his work/hobbys' residual stragglers... then... I truly, and honestly, from the bottom of my soul, wish you all the best and hope that you find the thing you want to achieve for yourself, and let go of his passion to work on your own.
I may be a jerk, but I don't need "the internet" to validate my worth to someone else, or to fight my battles for me. Because that's just really fucking stupid lol
(ask him if I'm right. Just kidding, it's a bad idea.)
S M I L E
All the world is a stage on "the internet", isn't it?
Have an awesome day!