Boom

   Anyone remember watching Pure Pwnage? Was probably one of the first web series that I can remember being especially fond of. It was the gamers' facetious bible. The references to the rivalries  between FPS/RTS gamers and the stigma of MMO players amongst "hardcore" players.. it was hilarious. 

I bring this up becauuuussse recently, my housemate and I honored her gift of a groupon that would grant us a fond afternoon of shooting guns :D. 

I've never shot a gun in my life. My shooting experience only came from bow and arrows. A gift from the high school boyfriend, because I schooled him at the renaissance faire. My housemate handled a rifle before, a looooooooooooong time ago. We were extremely nervous. 

My first thought was how out of place we would look. As excited as I was to shoot stuff, I also don't like calling attention to myself. Thankfully, the place was crowded with several other noobs who decided to try something new this year. Crisis averted. 

We were told "an hour and a half" before signing the papers that bound us to agreement of forfeiting them from responsibility over any mistakes we may fall victim to. Such a nice feeling. And then I think we waited about 20 minutes before they called us back. The dude handed us safety glasses, protective ear muff things, our little glock, and a ton of bullets. He quickly went over how to safely handle the gun, loading it, emptying it, etc. Everything you do in Resident Evil games, basically. (that's a lie) and off we went. To our little booth. Booth number 11. 

She went first for 2 reasons;

1. I wanted to watch her load the gun. Someone can explain directions to me forever, but I learn best from watching and doing. 

2. Look at this picture. Isn't it kinda neat?

 (3, maybe. I turned into chicken shit after seeing a poster of the anatomy of a glock)

 Context time! 

A few years ago, my old work was robbed by a dude with locked hair, in a security guard uniform. Dude held a gun to my and my coworkers faces. he cocked the gun to let us know it was real, 3 feet away from us. When he told us to get on the ground, as he was walking over us, he would apologize. So at least he was polite THANK GOODNESS

He and his brother were caught. I testified in court. The judge watched me fall apart, hearing my plea, among many others' recalling of their damaged psyche, and they pleaded guilty, aaaand were sentenced, the driver 13 years in jail, and the brother who was armed, 25. So that was super neato.

a coworker teases me when I bring it up. dismissing it "yeah yeah you were robbed we get it" jokingly. I know she doesn't mean it maliciously, but it only makes me realize how much that experience actually affected me .

so like, glocks feel weird to be around lol. I respect weapons so much. and yeah, she had to go first lol. 

Unfortunately, her nerves got the best of her. I don't blame her. We were surrounded by extremely loud gunshots on either sides, cases are flying everywhere, and the recoil is intimidating. She went out to get one of the dudes to assist her, and ... I was extremely impressed with how patient he was and open to teaching her. He turned into a teacher. It was beautiful. Wasn't condescending or demeaning, he wasn't annoyed or frustrated. It was really cool to watch him. Can tell he is passionate. So once she went through all her rounds, it was my turn! 

The dude asked if I felt like having him stick around, I said I think I'm good, and bit the bullet :P

Recalling what the dude at the counter showed us, I loaded the magazine with as many bullets as I could shove in there, and aimed, and my hands started shaking looooooollllll 

There's a surge of power that just... flashes through you. And it's scary. Overwhelmingly scary. Like, it was way too much for me to have in my hands. Or maybe I just respect guns so much that I'm humbled so far into oblivion that I don't feel worthy of holding one!? No idea. But my hands were shaking. Then, I started to look through the little aim thingy, and thought about stuff to calm my nerves.

I thought about the brothers who traumatized me

the men who broke my mothers' spirit

the man from when I was 9

and Kelvin Truong.

FPS Doug is my guardian angel

It wasn't euphoria as much as it was a surge of satisfaction. Cathartic, even. Seeing the bullets go through the targets head one after another was a shallow relief I didn't even really know I needed. But it was awesome. It wasn't meant to be personal. Just something fun to do with my housemate. 

Ultimately, not only was I proud of how utterly fucked up this target's head was, but also because it helped me. I have demons I thought I could let go of, but some things stick and fuck with you for a while. 

And I'm not really sure when I'll ever get over any of it. Or if I ever will. But this was a fun way of kinda releasing some of that resentment.

As therapeutic as this was, I don't think I could ever find myself owning a weapon of that caliber. I have a taser in my car, and a switchblade. But guns are beyond me, and I respect them too much to just get one on a whim. I have this newfound admiration for those who can handle guns with grace and dignity. They are scary to hold, and even more daunting to hold up at something. I can't imagine having to feel like you need to hold that AT someone and make a decision in a split second whether or not to use it. That's terrifying. 

Anyway, I'm rambling. 

That was fun.

I respect the absolute shit out of guns.

Boom, head shot.

Also, we got way too much sushi, idk why I order rolls ever. I only really like sashimi. 

 

If zombies ever happen (unlikely given various environmental factors), I can shoot goodish. We can team up if you buy me donuts and sushi ^_^

#NewYearNewMe

  Why do we wait until the year has passed by to try something new or in many cases, try again? In my case, not much has changed. Except for maybe the amount of booze on the kitchen counter. And new titles to play through. I'm still bitter about a book that was supposed to be suspenseful cyberpunk-y but ended up being evangelist drivel under the guise of tech-y, mystery horror. Maybe in 2019, I'll get over it?!

Over work break into the new year, there was some mild gluttony. 

 Or as some would say, living our best lives.

 There was no shortage of noodles or rice going into the new year. Not in this tummy.

We also went to Frank & Sons. It's this collectibles show thingy. Basically if you take.... hmm.. if you take Long Beach Comic Con, and strip it of food trucks and cosplayers, you get Frank & Sons. Can find tons of vintage toys, comics, consoles and parts, all sorts of that shit. Been around since the 80's. It's cool.

I had a specific mission though. There's a variant I've been wanting forEVER. A Puppet Master variant. But was hard to come by everywhere I'd go looking for it. I could just order it online, but it's really fun actually scavenging for it. Especially because usually I get answers from dudes saying "I left my puppet masters at home" or "nah I think I have 1 or 2" of issues I already have, or just... not even ever having it.

Comic vendors; YOU HAVE NICHE AUDIENCES. WE'RE SPORADIC BUT WE'RE OUT THERE AND WE NEED YOU TO BELIEVE IN US

So after looking for a while, this one dude said he had another booth on the other side of the hall that he only opens on Saturdays, but he might have it there. This dude was so awesome that he got his buddy to cover for him quick while he walked us over there to check.

He had plenty of horror comics. The most I've seen all at once of various sects.

I had no clue there were Chucky comics... 

 But he had NO Puppet Master! Said he must've left them at his place- not a lot were printed, and they didn't sell much; a song that still haunts my dreams.

We moved on, discouraged. but determined. I wasn't gonna give up, because the variant I wanted was at Frank & Sons. I saw it there the last time I visited. I didn't wanna drop the $$ for it at the time, but I was biting myself in the ass for not doing so when the chance was there. Eventually..

I fucking got it.

After tons of hours scavenging for her, I finally fucking found her. Again, I know it could've easily been acquired had I just ordered it off eBay or something. But one of the most awesome things about comics is the scavenging! Especially if they're old and hard to come by. And when you finally find it and hold it in your hands, it's the most rewarding feeling. A thousand loot boxes could never amount to that feeling. 
She was the last one left. At a booth we had already visited, but skimmed. The second time around, I asked the one chick if she had any puppet master issues, expecting a hard no considering the massive amounts of marvel on display, but instead she said she was pretty sure she had some. She then turned to the other chick tending the booth with her, asked, and 2nd chick said oh yeah! I have a ton of Puppet Master, they're just buried at the bottom. She had to move 4 other boxes that were on top of the one that held my precious variant, and she pulls it out, and flips through the issues, showing me the generous variety. I    s q u e a k e d. Most of them were line art cover variants of Tunneler, Jester, and Leech Woman. Some back issues I already had, and then the one I was looking for came showed itself and I assaulted that woman with my money.

Hellraiser issues, while still uncommon, are a little easier to come by.

I've been embracing my inner potato, and donuts.

New Years was spent at home, drinking whiskey and champagne, and gaming. 

 I like when he looks serious and unapproachable. It's like a challenge to break him. 

he brought us here again on a spontaneous date. I like the turkey burger, because it's incredibly flavorful and a tiny bit spicy, doesn't taste like the average American burger whatsoever.

The last 2 weeks since work has resumed have been like a sleepy haze, but I'm glad to be back. This coming week is going to test me in many ways. I welcome it fully.

That aside, I'm glad I gave Fallout 76 a chance. Someone told me they thought it was cool of me to be open- minded about a title that everyone is bashing currently. I don't really get why being open-minded about something I haven't tried yet makes me cool.It's not that deep I realize, but has become so commonplace to join in on witch hunts that simply being above toxicity is no longer the standard; that someone who DOESN'T bash something they haven't played, seems cool? Like, what? No. That's so backwards. Makes one look like a sloppy pedant.

Anyway, give things a chance before talking shit, or you look dumb.
That's my wisdom for 2019; apply and rub onto skin thoroughly. let dry overnight. If results don't occur within a day, reapply until you can support yourself monetarily before dumping on anything anyone else has ever created.