New Year | 2025

    Happy New Year! Another year gone, and we keep on keepin' on. Man, what a year it's been. Last New Year, I definitely wasn't expecting to finish it with a newborn. But that's cool. I wonder what this year will bring, lol. 

I'm thanking my lucky stars because 2024 was dope for us. It ended chill- that's all I could ask for. There have been some bad jujus around us, and I try to help where I can, but I'm just glad we're healthy, safe, and chillin (for the most part). 

Doesn't mean that I'm out of the fog just yet mentally though. Post partum depression is wild, lol. It feels like endless troubleshooting with Mung Bean. It's weird, it feels like I go in and out of it. I feel a lot better now than I did a few weeks ago, that's for certain. But it may be because of certain elements that have shifted around our home. Who knows how things will feel when I return to work. 

Merry Christmas!

Ophelia loved the tree this year. We could hear her loving it down the hall almost every night, thanks to gravity.

Bleb

Christmas Eve was cozy. We gathered to drink drinks and even got a last minute visit from Lifa!

Holiday selfies were imminent.

Ophelia was like holy shit there's so much happening

We enjoyed some convo, and my dad couldn't say no to whiskey, lol.

I brought the smoker out for them while my mom and I had Zero Guinness. For what it is, it isn't bad. Tastes like a Guinness, just watered down. Like... a "lite" version. But it's not bad. Would I get it at a bar? Not if I can help it. But would I recommend it to someone who doesn't drink alcohol? Yis. 

Shouldn't be much of a shocker that I'm not indulging much with alcohol. I'll have the occassional Taiwanese mango beer when timed correctly, but other than that I'm keeping it super chill.

I think if I'm gonna enjoy drinks, I have to prepare for it a day ahead, lol. That's just me though, I don't know if that's like, normal. 

At midnight, we opened presents!

I know it's like, custom generally for certain groups to open presents on Christmas morning. Not for Hispanic peeps, lol. Christmas day is when we go to the buffet, hahaha.

Oh man, we had such a good time. At some point during the evening, Lifa ran off somewhere and speed-ran gift wrapping, lmao. He just scrunched up wrapping paper around the gifts he brought and tossed them under the tree. We were hollering, it was too funny.

I commend him, lol. He had to remember who got what because none of them were labeled, LOL. And yeah, he forgot at one point, but figured it out lol.

It's been just us now, as my parents flew back a few days ago. It's kinda nice taking this time to focus on the bean. Don't get me wrong, I was glad to have family here when Mung Bean was born, the help has been a tremendous blessing. I think now it just feels good to tune into just us, Ophelia and the bean.

Behold; my den, kind of.

We redid the living room and it's kind of amazing now. So I've taken it personally to ensure that comfort follows me every time I'm in here.

I saw couch caddies and was like, YES. So I got one. It's soft, and cute, and perfect. There were several sizes but this one was perfect for me. And since I'm going to annotate my books now, I got some stuff...

This is my Christmas gift to myself. In addition to the Twisted Peppermint body wash from Bath & Body Works.

The little tabs, the transparent post its, and these pastel highlighters.

I used pastel highlighters throughout school. They're not miserable and actually pleasant to look at. It's what I used for my notes and text books and stuff. I tried the gel ones, I hate them. These are better. 

So all this pretty annotating stuff. I figure if I'm gonna stop reading and have to set the book down all the time, it's gotta be attractive enough for me to retain everything I just read. The delirium is strong. There are many things working against me that have me wanting to quit all hobbies and activities, and I can't do that. I don't wanna let that happen to me. So. Here we are.

I also need to get back to journaling. I stopped around my third trimester, which I regret not keeping more track of. It got too chore-like, and all I wanted to do was rest and chill. However, writing hurts a lot, lol. Dumb radial tendons and sheaths on BOTH writsts are still pissed, so annotating it is.

FOR NOW, HAHAH.

I got these leather bound journals. They're so dope, omg. I gotta write my first entry in one still. I haven't decided which one is gonna be my daily yet. Probably the brown one. Just makes more sense. The black one can be for like, Mung Bean and photos and stuff, maybe? I'm not sure yet. But I wanna get back to journaling. I think this time I just need to take it easy and not expect to do it every single day. Also, these are totally blank, unlike my other journals that had blank calendars and sections to write in. For these I'll have to get creative, which I suck at. But whatever, they're leather bound. They're automatically cool. :D

Also got myself another book that I've been meaning to read. Yaaaaay, Mr. Lister! I love my little gift to myself. I hope it helps me to recalibrate the flow of the days. Hours really feel like they just melt through my hands, and suddenly the day is gone and I've done nothing or very little for myself. It gets hard, tiring, to take care of myself, too.

 
Another thing I did for myself;

White sleeping gowns. Why? Because I am officially (trying to be) in my Honk Shoo arc. If I'm gonna get like, not a full nights sleep, at least I can dress like I did, while feeling graceful and haunting, and then it's fine. Right? It's girl math. The Honk Shoo factor of the victorian sleeping gown negates the sense of sleeplessness, kind of. Makes perfect sense. We're running on all cylinders now, baby. I'm unstoppable. 

My therapist cancelled the session morning of, lmao. So I'm just checking in with myself. I may not be able to sit and put 7 hours straight into a game right now, but I can look like an eerie victorian lady when I wake up in the middle of the night to comfort and snuggle my baby. Easy. heh.

Snuggle time is the bessssst. I'll be half insane but when we snuggle up to feed, it's so, just... aww. I can't explain it. I love my little bean so, so, so much. 
I know co-sleeping is like, omg dangerrrrrrr. But we've figured it out. It's the coziest, best feeling. And it's soothing for everyone. Bean feels comforted and safe and warm, and I'm close to bean, with a view of bean and my husband snuggling together too. It's just... dope.

OH.

These are jackpot sauces. Incredible. I can't believe these exist. They're SO good. Lifa brought over a huge thing of spam musubi. These are perfect for that. Anyway, yeah I got us these to try and it's been one of the best decisions of my life. SO good. 

This brings us to now!

On New Years Eve, we started building our Lego sets that have been waiting for us for... months, lol. It honestly was the perfect, low-key night in. We cheers'd at midnight and I feel like, in spite of my post partum depression stuff, blessings are abound. I miss doing stuff, and going out to see our friends. I miss my hobbies, and I miss myself in certain ways, but there's something else that I realized.

I am Future Cynthia's wish. Future Cynthia is going to wish to relive this period of time, where Mung Bean is little, and cries for us to snuggle, and feed, and provide comfort. As Past Cynthia, it's my duty to ruthlessly punch myself with gross self-awareness, and cherish this time we have with tiny Mung Bean while we can.

So, Happy New Year indeed. I'm so grateful for everything. All the things we got to do, and experience. The time we spent with our friends and families. And the baby we were able to bring home. The blessings and kindness towards Mung Bean from so many beautiful souls. For our bonds getting stronger, for my parents' and in-laws' health, and for our home that's transformed so much to get ready for our familial expansion. For my career and wonderful coworkers. 

Thank you, 2024.
Lets go, 2025.

^_^

...god, I need to reschedule that therapy session huh, lmao.