and I'm just like
On F e b r u a r y 2 , I expressed on twitter the following sentiments :
Am I going to elaborate? No.
What's the point of even bringing it up? Therapy, asshole.
I'm still trying to collect my thoughts... as of right now I just feel numb, and not surprised. Hurt, but still numb. I am reacting to things the best that I can without being dramatic, and... whatever.
No matter how much you apologize, it won't fix anything. Time is the only thing that can fix anything. So just chill.
SPEAKING OF TIME
Aside from this shitstorm that just happened, I've been having a really good time. With the exception of a parking ticket, things have been going really well. And in my disgusting whatever weird streak of pleasant things, a huge thing happened that has unloaded so much off my chest. Actually, 2 huge things happened, but one was astronomically more of an impact than the other, but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.
UNTIL THEN...
Let us go back to like a week ago when Chris and I went to Little Tokyoooooooo
We had to get ramen. And coppie friendsie was swearing by Daikokuya, since I hadn't been there. So, to test his recommendation, I suggested that place, and Chris was like, cool.
We got there, it was a windy, rainy day, and there was still a line.
Which is probably why I never bothered to go there, lol.
While we waited, I was a troll and told Chris to do kpop things.
so he did.
(he's korean, so like, duh)
LOL
trollable friends are the greatest friends.
We maybe waited half an hour? 20 minutes? It wasn't too bad I remember.
One thing we didn't realize though was that it's a cash only place, so we had to run across the street quick and grab monies, but I'll definitely remember that for next time!
Stooooked! We got seated at the bar. And when they brought out the menu I was a little surprised that they didn't really have much to choose from. There was the signature ramen, the spicy version, and another one-- can't remember what exactly but the broth was different and didn't sound as rich. We went with the signature.
It smelled amaaaaazzziiinng
Final thoughts? Was he right?
He was right in that it's very delicious!
And... I've HAD this ramen before! When I first tasted it something triggered and it was the weirdest thing because this was a first visit for me to this place, but then I remembered Yokocho Ramen Festival in 2014! And this was totally there!!! And I remember it was my favorite out of the other 2 I tried.
However... Mr. Ramen has curry ramen and I can't... deviate.. away..
Okay LOOK.
Mr. Ramen probably doesn't have crazy rich broth like Daikoku does. I will give it that. Their broth is like... RICH. It's fatty, and flavorful, and thick, and creamy, and it's very good!
But I guess... I don't know, something about Mr. Ramen just keeps me loyal. I'll have to do a back to back comparison one day. Like go have Mr. Ramen on one day and the next day have Daikokuya and then do a legit thing with notes and shit.
You guys don't understand.
I'm butting heads with friendsie and... ugh. UGH.
Either way, yeah.... and when Yokocho Ramen Fest starts again I'm starving myself the day before so I can go PREPARED
We were so full but we needed to get steam buns and drinks. So.
It was a super fun day. We were there for like 8967934745928 hours.
I don't even know why I didn't just move to that area, lol.
Just kidding.
My new place is literally down the street from Disney. Like it's a mile and a half away from my place, behind me.
I'm cool w/ that.
ANYWHO,
My move is going really well *knocks on wood*
I've been very very fortunate in finding a place with a generous landlady who even was kind enough to drop the rent on me because I'm a student. She wants me to feel at home, and be comfortable. And she's just... really sweet, I am so so so so thankful for that.
Things have also been a little stressful though too because of school starting on the 1st, but I like my classes so far. One of my classes only meets one day, so it's not that bad. Only shitty thing is traffic coming home on the day I don't have to go to that class after my other one. And with moving stuff, I've just been going to my place to drop things off there, unloading and unpacking stuff, then going to class, then driving home. There's been a LOT of driving! I'm ... pretty sick of it, lol. But soon, that will no longer be an issue. Perhaps I'll invest in a bike once I'm settled in down there for sure.
Why am I not down there already and still in NoHo? Work.
I'm waiting for my transfer to go through... or rather... my work to push for it a little more.
And, I got scheduled to stay there another week because there's gonna be a bunch of training for a new person, and they need strong people to compensate so.... =\
yeah.
but I have virtually all my crap over there already. Even my bed. I thought I was going to have to trash my dresser, but it worked out. Couldn't keep my bookshelf though, which is a bummer. But she said I could install shelves soooooooooooooooooooooo I'm totally doing that ^_^
Pro tip: sleeping on the floor sucks, lol.
So remember those 2 things that are huge that happened but one of them was astronomically just... insane?
It's been so far a really weird fucking start to the year.
From my car shit, to finding out that I have to move out out of nowhere, school starting, not just moving out but relocating to another city altogether, learning that the robber from 2013 is fighting for an appeal, and the most recent shitty thing...
I'm over being pissed and negative and scared of shit and staying in my comfort zone. I'm done.
I don't care anymore. I just want to live contently, with as little regret as possible, and enjoy my time here while I can. However, this part took some time, which was absolutely crucial and very needed, but... the result has left me feeling... emotionally and mentally unrestrained, and you can't imagine how great that kind of closure is.
We talked. We FINALLY
F I N A L L Y
talked
but
for real this time.
this time, more civilized.
And open to listening.
civilized talking wasn't possible before. For several reasons. Too much anger and resentment.
If you don't know what happened, don't worry about it.
And soon I'll mention why this is happening now. because this isn't even the astronomical thing I was talking about.
This was an almost year old wound that needed to be addressed.
but we are adults, and we worked things out like adults, and i can only hope for (but DEFINITELY not expect) others, who I didn't personally come to about what happened, to butt out.
Thing is.... I wasn't even supposed to be there with him that night.
I had planned to come here with another friend, but he didn't get back to me until way later. By that time we never would've made it before they closed or had last calls for meat. I told Stephan what was happening, and he met me there after he got out of work.
I've had a lot of time to think and wrack my brain about everything. Closure feels really, really, really, really good.
You don't get it.
You just don't get it.
Don't worry about it.
Also, like... thanks Stephan, for stepping up and offering to help me move furniture.
Didn't have to, but he was the only one who did.
Also fuck yeah, k-bbq.
On Wednesday my work had a thing for all of us to go bowling! We were supposed to do a thing back in November for like worker appreciation day or some shit but didn't, so this was the thing. And since our (now former) manager was leaving for maternity leave, she set this all up as a last goodbye kinda thing. It was cool
I got there SUPER late because I was in Cypress and even though my class got out at 4:50 (YUP)
I had to drive back up to Studio City in fucking I-5 AND NORTHBOUND 101 BULLSHIT
WHICH TOOK ME ALMOST 2 HOURS
So I got there late. but still was good times
bowling is not a thing I can do. nope.
And finally...
My bed and much of the rest of my shit in my new room.
She said I could paint the walls whatever color I wanted, which I was really excited to do, but I was in such a hurry to get my things down there that painting will have to wait. It's going to be a thing in the future though... that's a guarentee. With hardwood floors? Hell yeah, that'll be totally done.
Maybe I'll have a painting party for some incentive with help.
I wish I had taken a picture of everything else in there.
There's a lot of shit.
Housemate helped with the bed.
I had to rent a uhaul, and it was a nasty expense but... the hardest part is over. Everything else in my room can fit in my car easy. This desk comes apart and then it's just little shit and my computer.
I can't wait to get settled in.
I'm so excited to just... be comfortable again. And not have to worry so much about stuff.
Which leaves me to my last thing, which is the astronomical thing....
maybe not to you, but it is to me.
The DA of the Torrence courthouse miraculously found me a few days ago and got in touch with me.
Okay that's a lie, he found me weeks ago, and left me a voicemail, but because I don't answer unknown numbers, I missed him. And since I also don't check my voice messages (takes too long, just text me) who knows how long that's been sitting in my voice mailbox. BUT, one day I was like... damn I have 9 voicemails... i should probably waste 10 minutes and clear that annoying icon at the top of my phone.
boom, there he was. He was calling about the robbery case from back in April of 2013 that happened at my work. It took him 2 and a half years to find me, because they had me under the wrong fucking name! AND ADDRESS. I changed my address on EVERYTHING, but they still mailed out a fucking subpoena to my old address from over a year ago!!! THANK GOODNESS my ex roommate still lives there and notified me about a letter that came for me that looked important, and was ncie enough to bring it in to work for me. Lo and behold, it's a subpeona to testify in court against him.
that fucking subpoena I've been waiting for for two and a half years....
you don't understand... how elated...
okay look
I FINALLY GET TO LOOK AT HIM
WITHOUT HIS FUCKING DOO RAG
IN THE FUCKING FACE
AND GLARE INTO HIS SOUL
AND TESTIFY AGAINST HIS GUILTY ASS
HE AIMED A LOADED GUN AT ME DO YOU KNOW HOW INCREDIBLE IT FEELS TO KNOW THAT I'LL BE IN THERE WITH THAT KIND OF POWER OVER HIM?
YOU DON'T. YOU DON'T KNOW.
but.
god
FUCKING FINALLY
the DA is forming a huge list of witnesses from all the places he hit.
and
i'm just
so
fucking
happy
that i can get this shit out of my system
you guys don't even know how much that fucked me up
there will be times at work when it's super early and still dark out, right... when a customer in a hoodie and his hands in his pocket will have my heart RACING
there was a guy that came in a few days ago that had a bandanna over his mouth covering some of his face and i started to have a mini panic attack until he lowered it and ordered fucking coffee
i double check behind me every time i have my back faced to the register just in case
every customer that comes through those doors between the hours of opening until sunrise is a potential threat in my eyes, unless it's cops.
i have fucked up daydreams or just weird fantasies about that shit happening again, but the robber would actually grab one of us and hold us hostage, and like... our cop friends would be there but they wouldn't be able to do anything because he'd use me as a body shield or some shit
it's fucked up
that fucked me up
so this is a massive massive huge deal to me
it's going to be the most insane closure ever.
i'm going to see his face, guys
like i'm... freaked out. i don't want to see him again but at the same time i do.
i don't know
i can't explain it
so....
YEAH. after I got that news, that subpoena, and talked to the DA...
everything else? lol NAH.
cake.
I can't be angry anymore
I can't.
I refuse. I mean I got a parking ticket the other day, that sucked but.... I'm done. no more shitty grudges. I'll just be numb and irritated and want to be left alone and then just... move on.
Move on.
move on move on move on....
Feels really good to move on. Feels REALLY good
and no one can take that from me.
now... i'm gonna go sleep on the floor.
Good night and good riddance!!!