Pretty

          My body was never really something I considered to be an object of desire. For as long as I can remember, being petite, having small boobs, small ass, and virtually no hips was just something that... wasn't hot. I grew to be okay with it. Never really gave it a second thought.
My face, I understood over time, very young, was a little more complicated.
If I must spell it out...
I am fully aware that my facial features emit a certain amount of animal magnetism.

A huge mystery to me has always been: why do pretty girls rely on solely their looks to achieve courtship? Do they not know... the kinds of people a beautiful face can attract?

It is a curse. Nothing is certain. I have re-learned this, time and time again. And it never goes away.

So... 

I wonder sometimes; if my soul was a person... what would she look like? Could these men describe her for me? Because often times, she is on the verge of shattering. Would she be beautiful? Would she look tired, haggard and frightened? Would she be smiling and openly tell you about herself, or would she be a mute-- too worn out to help you understand her? Would you want to see her, if you had the chance, after speaking to her. Not the face of my flesh, but the face of my soul? Would you really want to see her? And if you did... would you leave that much sooner?


This mung bean boba drink from 7 Leaves is dope.
They have garlic fries!

ANIME EXPO draws nearer... 2 days.
Two of them.
Today I was totally supposed to work on another thingie for my Sabrina cosplay and distress my dress more. But... plans changed. It's cool, I have tomorrow. 

Not gonna lie, I procrastinate like a boss. It's like, a gift or something.
But... in turn, I work well under pressure. SO IT'S TOTALLY FINE YEAH IT'S FINE IT'LL BE FINE
I'M NOT EVEN STRESSED

STRESSED? WHERE?

Good news is... I get paid this week. AND, a friend and I are going halves on a hotel in LA for the weekend soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo I'm happppyyyyyy
Aaaaannd, another friend is gonna come up Sat evening with us and is gonna crash over night because we are adults and if we wanna have another slumberparty, we can. Hmph.

It's gonna be a dope weekend, like I'm so stoked. I can't. even. UGH.
Yay :D

 MOVING ON

The other night I went to Bats with Ponies. We wore matching shirts and had matching bracelets.
It felt good to go out again, even if the band playing that night was terribad and it made me wanna leave early.

BUT I SAW MAMA!

My old housemate from when I lived in NoHo. I never thought that I'd ever see him there because 

1. It's in Long Beach and 

2. It's not really his scene? 

But I had a huge grin on my face as soon as I saw him walk in omg

MAMAAAA

I call him Mama because out of the 5 of us living there, he was the mother figure. 

It was really good to see him, and I hope he had a good time. I tried to welcome him in by introducing him to people, and everyone got along so well ^_^

I hope he comes back again!

 Test it.

 The band that played was so off-putting that Ponies left with me because he just didn't feel like dancing anymore. Same. The dancing part.
And I also had to be up at 3AM for work that morning, but still.
During the night we went to the 711 across the street to get cookies and talk shit.
And after the club we went to In & Out because... we were hungry.
But he dropped me off at my car and we called it a night.


Fast-forward to Sunday...

It had been way too long since I've seen this pretty fool. 

This fool is so pretty, that we were able to exchange sexual harassment and cat-calling stories. 

He went to West Hollywood with his friends, and regretted all of it. Viciously...

 ... over udon :D

Curry udon r gud

 I want this in my room because noodles

 We met up in Little Tokyo and accidentally ended up spending the whole day together instead of just getting food.

Oops.

 He hates getting his picture taken. 

So, naturally, I go batshit

 you pretty ass mf

gtfo here with that shit

LOL he's met Mama! 

Yeah, the Mama in the photo before! 

He's come over (when I lived in NoHo) a few times, and Mama called him PRETTY! LOL

Not to his face, but when he left he looked at me, nodding, and I'm about to laugh because I told him about him-- his pretti-ness, and he goes
"yeah.... he's a pretty dude!"

It's just a thing. I'm sorry

He totally hates it, too

I'll shut up about it now, lol

 Desserrrtt

 LOOK AT THIS YAOI MANGA

I ALMOST IMPULSE BOUGHT IT BECAUSE IT'S BASICALLY MADE FOR ME

LOOK AT IT

It's going on the amazon wish list

 like, they're all so cute and I want all of them on my desk

 oh yeah, we bought useless shit.

Sword Art!

I'm such a toolbag

Buyer's remorse was real, you guys. It was real.

Thankfully, he had some water we could use to make SCIENCE out of this candy kit designed for children.

Did we struggle with it? Maybe.
Was it fun? Perhaps.
Did it taste good? ... we finished it. 

It was fun times. Can never go wrong with Little Tokyo, I'm tellin ya.
But I feel like I haven't given Korea Town enough attention though, sooooo that's gonna change very soon.
I missed this guy. It'd been so long since I'd seen him. Our lives got crazy and we were both moving, but NOW IT'S ON MWAHAAHAHAHFJALFJSLFJSALGHALFS.


hmmmm... if someone could draw their perception of my soul, that'd be cool. because sometimes idek if she's even there

omg it's almost 1 am

What do I even title this

    Okay I've been going out A LOT.
Not in the clubby sense-- in fact, my clubby-time has suffered quite a bit because I can't stop going out to eat with people. It's a sickness.
And also, maybe playing on a private WoW server...
but yanno what?
I don't now. I just want food.

So like, I think maybe 2 weeks ago? I think?

Smiley was like... 'guys guess what.. FOOD!'

I heard his call, as did everyone else, and so we assembled.

 

Where exactly? I forget. But they served Filipino food.

I am familiar with this food.

It is pleasant.

Look at those faces.

The faces only food can invoke.

The day before, Smiley asked me to invite Hoonie.
I was hesitant, because he hates everything?
--They know each other. (If it hadn't been for Smiley, I technically wouldn't have met Hoonie)--
We both invited him, like sad losers.

Who can resist that face?

Hoonie came!
LOOK HOW HAPPY HE IS
His shirt is cute.

The food was good when I knew what it was.
Like, the one bowl was something I've had before, while the other was something with a lot of vinegar and it made my mouth sad. but ... i still enjoyed the other bowl tons

He's like a puppy i swear

also, hi
please don't hate me for taking photos of you eating
:D
:D :D :D
^____^

kay.

Everyone had a good time.
Everyone also learned about Armin Meiwes :)

I was definitely the only beaner here.

lol where am i

After food we went to get ice cream because it's the right thing to do

So this place makes rollie ice cream thingies.
They spread it out over these bipolar skillet things that get hot, and they scrape it and smack it around, and then the skillet thingie gets cold again, and they shape the ice cream into rolls.
It was pretty cool to watch

she's so cyoot

sigh

:DDD

^______^

lol
Hoonie's was so pretty. He deliberately asked for the chick to prepare his."The guy sucks."

She, clearly, did a good job

LOOK HOW HAPPY HE IS

And this one is mine.

It tasted like taro, and kindergarten because of the fruity pebbles.

Our evening ended merrily. 

Fun company and tummies stuffed.

Moving down here has destroyed me, lol.

I say that but it's not... a negative thing?

When I lived in the Valley, I seldom went out with people to eat. It only started being a thing right before I moved because I got, like, depressed. 

Jk, no I didn't. 

But towards the end of my time there, people were open to doing stuff, and I guess I started to relax a little because really, the only times I bothered to leave my room was for club nights, and that was usually only if Ponies went. 

So. 

This is cool.

Not so scary outside of my comfort zone. 

If it hasn't been obvious yet, I have a teensy bit of social anxiety.

It's not crazy levels like it used to be. As I've gotten older I think I just forced myself to get the fuck over it and just do stuff. Especially when it comes to like, ramen. 

I legit think ramen had a lot to do with my opening up to stuff.

Which is... so stupid, lol. But it was ramen that motivated me enough to take the train to Little Tokyo from the Valley, by myself for the first time, and sat in Mr. Ramen on my own on a friday afternoon, reading some manga volume.  

WHATEVER.

I DIGRESS.

It was fun. 

I'm grateful to have moved down here and met the people I did. 

It's been pretty wonderful. 

SPEAKING OF LITTLE TOKYO.....

I brought T here for the first time last week :D

We walked around and explored all of the things

And saw beautiful things as well

And ate beautiful things

they're basically my spirit animals sort of
except I would never wear either of those outfits
probably more inclined to wear a bat kigurumi instead

So... lol.
We went this place in Little Tokyo Village Plaza that basically sucked

I took a chance and explored something that I didn't know
and got my feelings hurt.
So did T.
Never again, lol

Dessert

It was nice. She'd never been there before, and I missed it. It was win-win.
My only regret was the terribad food at that restaurant, but there's always next time!
And I will for sure not wander from my instincts, ever again lol

A few days later...

I met up with T and Dinhy because that fool moved out of OC.

Some shit about having to move to another city for school or something

Sounds... familiar...

So for our final outing, the 3 of us together one last time, we made a whole day of it.

I'm gonna miss that fucker.

But the good news is we have a place to crash when T and I drive up there SOOOOOOOOOO

When I got there, they had been drinking

I tried to take cool shots with my crappy S4

We got emotional because, I'm not gonna lie,
We got attached.
We were a trio

We look weird as fuck together
but we were homies-- are*

And we were all going through stupid hard shit in life at the same time...
and them just being there, even at work, would brighten up my day, even if it didn't reflect on my shitty face

It's just you and me now, T

:'(

We went to the beach.
Once we parked they started drinking more, lol
jk, it was hard cider-- was yummy :P

I love this photo of us!

We went to Huntingon Beach, had some kimchi tacos (compromise-- two azns and a beaner had to meet in the middle)

Just as we were arriving, the sun was setting

fucking metaphor bullshit

Our lives will have many sunsets-- no matter how quickly they came and went, remember the beauty of each one.

He hauled ass towards the sea

I've watched sunsets before, but none so memorable or metaphoricle as this one.
or beautiful

T chased after him, struggling, but care free

I did that white-girl hot dog legs thing
except my thighs are fat so they're not as hot-dog-ish?

The sky was so beautiful
It came and went too quickly...
everything did.

Being there felt good.
There's a serenity I feel when I'm at a beach in the evenings.
This particular visit was bitter sweet, but being there, with them, made me feel like things are good.
Everything's okay-- or will be okay.
Because
they have to be.

                           "It can't rain all the time" 

                                                                                        ...right?

And I am so fortunate
to have met them, and become close with them
and being there with them was wonderful, even if it made my heart sad

Dessert :D

That was our last day together, the three of us.

Thank you for being you, and for being dope. 

Dinhy, I wish you the best

you're a good person-- no matter how fuckboy-ish you seem. Proud to know you

So, because I was in mourning, I invited T to come with me to the OC Night Market that weekend.

She was in mourning too, so this was kind of perfect.

We went the first night, on Friday evening.
Because it was kind of last minute planning, we didn't get there until like 7:30ish - 8pm

My coworker warned me-- "it's gonna be SO crowded the first night"

She wasn't wrong.

There were so many booths to choose from.

Frankly it was kind of stressful for me because:

• i was hungry and confused
• it was insanely crowded
• i didn't know what i wanted
• there's so much eye candy
• the booths and food look beautiful and i wanted all of it because i had to start with one

this was our first pick.
idkwtf i was eating
it was from Seoul Street. Was some kind of Korean street food place
whatever
it was awesome

We got way bigger portions than we anticipated and T was like omg I can't finish this
and I was like,
ooh girl... i feel you ((shovels more food into face))

She got a coconut

And thanks to OC Night Market's instagram.. I ended up getting stuff at this booth
They had

poke ramen tacos
WTF IS A POKE RAMEN TACO?

ONLY THIS.
And it was INCREDIBLE
The 'taco' part is fried ramen noodles, with poke on it

LIKE A TACO 

CAN I GET AN AMEN 

HOO LOOORD 

it was dope

So while we were there, T basically fell in love with this guy at one of the booths right. So, awkwardly, we basically made it our (my) mission to confront him and bring them together.

She has a type that she likes, and she just died when she saw him. 

OMG so while we were eating our tacos, this AMLF couple ask us if they can sit at our table (limited space) and we said yeah, right? While we're eating, T'S LOVE WALKED RIGHT BY OUR TABLE and she spots him and she's like, dying right.

So she points him out, and being the good friend that I am, I start shouting at her to run after him and talk to him.

Of course, this is a horrible support tactic for someone infatuated, but you know... fuck it. And the girl at our table is like YEAH GO AFTER HIM and I'm thinking AW YEAH, SHE'S ON MY TEAM

So the two of us are like GO. GO GET HIM as he's walking further away right

And she's like nooo that's weird I can't and the girl is like WTF DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN'T 

THAT'S HOW I MET HIM (pointing to her adorbs Korean man) and he agrees with her, saying if she hadn't approached him, they would've never met and yeah. And I'm like SEE!?!? and she's like YOU CAN DO IT

and T's having an internal meltdown, poor child

well.... 

She doesn't.

He walks off with his friend or colleague or whatever.

This only meant one thing...

We returned the next day
LOL

And like, I'm not even judging, because I totally did something similar, except it was like... $60 a ticket. And I went like 3 times in one month.
And I didn't even know what he LOOKED like, because he was wearing a mask.
So.
I'm 100% supportive

But first...

food :D

We got there a lot earlier than the night prior.

Yanno, for extra ... prep time.

Poor choice of wording, imo

First thing I tried was this uni bowl.
Never had uni before

kinda gross.
not gross. bland. the uni itself tasted like... lard. and oily.
but everything else in the bowl was good.

T got a lobster mac n cheese burrito

Squid teriyaki

We would pass his booth, but we didn't spot him.
So we waited and continued eating
for prepping.

I got that rain drop cake thing
it tastes exactly how it looks:
water.
I knew it would, but fuck it.

You only live once.

It was good!
It was like a pancake thingie, but fluffier and more buttery, and inside was milk chocolate.
it was drizzled with sweetened condensed milk. Really yummy ^_^

And frankly, there are worse things I could be consuming. so.
thanks.

boba drinks were an essential

We went to look for him and walked by his booth so often, that the azn guy from the night before kept watching us as we passed.
He even started smiling at us

There was no turning back now.

She also got this like... spicy fruit mexican thing?
i knew that mexicans put spicy shit on mangos and whatever, but this was crazy
I've never seen it before
ya'll cray

There was a dance contest

We went back to their booth, and these two mascots were just dancing right in front
the white dude waved at me and blew me a kiss
i felt special

but T's love still wasn't at the booth

As it got later, T was getting restless and tired
our tummies full and our feet sore
I told her we had to take action!

We have to go ask that azn dude about the guy she loves

Immediately she needed a beer

She couldn't get herself to go, so I said I'd do it.
Had a game plan and everything--- how I do.

I'd go up to him and say we were there yesterday, and my friend and I noticed him and his booth mate (had to soften the blow for T)
and was wondering if we could get your social media thingiiieess...
FOOLPROOF right!?

I didn't give a shit, lol. I just wanted her to have some fun and get a thrill in her tummy.
The azn guy was cute, but nah.
So we got our beers, drank some, and she took my beer and went to stand behind the poke ramen taco truck.


I made my way over there, and just as rehearsed in my brains, I dropped it on him.
He was smiling, this was a good sign-- he didn't think i was a fugly weirdo trying to stalk him and his booth mate...

BUT

he claimed to not have remembered who I was referring to =\
I described him some more, but he said he didn't know.
What a let-down!
All I could say to that was something like, aww, well okay. Thank you so much anyway!
And that was my closer to end the conversation and interaction-- but his face was waiting for me to ask about him; as my conversation opening impressed on him.

I didn't. I thanked him and walked away, back towards T with the bad news.

OH WELL :D

In truth, it was a fun little side quest adventure thingie. While I do know what it feels like to be let down in that way, I hope that she learned a thing-- and this goes for other ladies out there too...
don't be afraid to approach him!

life is too short. There will be other times I'm sure- and lots of cute boys to chase after, but I hope she knows that I will mom the shit out of her when this occurs and I'm going to make her go up to a guy and talk to him, even if it makes me look like an ass! haha

DON'T NOBODY GOT TIME TO WAIT AROUND FOR PEOPLE

btw... i was only able to do this because of her. if i had a friend that did that shit for me, i'd be mortified, but my balls would be a lot bigger. so that helped keep me from shriveling up into an anxious mess lol. 

OC Night Market was good times, lol. 

And then a few nights ago, I got more food.

Went w/ a friend who somehow knew what to fill in for me on the ramen sheet

Didn't even give me the chance to take a look at it

but that's kind of special... he just took control with my food.

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
toppppiiinnngggs

oppa pls love me

Shin-sen-gumi yumminess!
His decisions for my bowl did not disappoint.
It was delicious!

And as tradition calls....

I met up with Ponies the other day for lunch.

Life without him would legit suck for me. He keeps me grounded-- i love that guy so much

I don't tell him enough.
In fact, I hate saying "i love you"

it's such a tainted phrase that's overused and diluted with obligation and expectation and used as a band-aid for the broken-hearted.

but i do love him.

we met for lunch.
He and I have matching bracelets now.

If he doesn't like you,
you're probably bad for me.
I trust him because he watched Sex and the City and understands all of my analogies and no one else gets me like that.

Scorpio ass beetch.

In spite of all of these awesome things, as of late, things have gotten a little complicated in Cynthia-land. 

I'm not sure what the future holds, but I'm hoping... (even though hoping for something seems useless to me) I'm hoping things turn out for the better. I mean, they have to. It's out of my hands now, and there's not much more I can do about it at this point.

Just cross my fingers and... breathe. and move forward with what's on the table. and a few months from now all of this will have been nothing. 

Or at least... that's the plan in my head.

Being vague sucks but i rather not elaborate.

omg Anime Expo is this weekend