Second chances

Last night at 11pm I texted bf a simple, but powerful question.

It undermined everything I had felt only a few nights ago. Disrespected, even. It made me feel vulnerable to being hurt again. Asking this question was putting my ego into a grave way lower than my already lowered standards. It was humiliating, and virtually accepting defeat. 

but for the life of me, I couldn't shake it. Letting go was hard. There's no way that getting over something like this would be simple, so the only choice left at this point was to take the dive and see where things landed. As much as I wanted to put it behind me and forget the disappointment, it wasn't that simple. It's complicated.

I asked ...

"want galbi? :("

"But the meat selection isn't going to be better" he replied.

my heart racing, but not wanting to give up hope, I hesitated... "we could order a medium"

"what if it's all back rib though"

 He's right. Oh god what then? The drive up there, the massive bill, the hope- it would all be for nothing but heartbreak all over again.

But it occurred me that there is something worse than 3 huge bricks of back rib in my large spicy braised beef short ribs with cheese. There's the fear and distrust of my favorite Korean food place. I don't wanna just give up so easily because the other night was .... upsetting. It can't go down like that. I need closure. I need to face my fear and BELIEVE IN HOPE because I really fucking love this place and I don't want the new addition of annoyingly massive and hard to cut back ribs to drive me away.

With that... I sent the text.

 So he drove up to get me, and even drove us up there. I was gonna drive us, since it was my heartache that dragged us out into the world so late. But in my most dire hour of need, he was the best support system a hangry smol bean could ask for. And I was so hangry. Not just agro, but resentful. I promised him I wouldn't complain if we got giant bricks of back rib again.

wonk uoy naht noitceffa erom deen I

 

I told him though, if we decide not to go with the galbi jjim, we could always try their soups. I've had them before and they're really good. But galbi jjim is where fears and lies mmhelt awayhehehheeeeaaayyyyyay. Splatters in flight. My sanctuary. My sanctuaryyyyyah

also just... for the record... I don't yelp places when I'm emotionally compromised. So no, there's no bad review from our last visit. Also that's goofy, who does that.

 We get there around midnight. (This place is 24 hours) and are greeted immediately. We can sit anywhere. We get comfy and then banchan is set out like, instantly. This was cool, because it was still busy, and we don't mind waiting on stuff if other people are trying their best. Earth signs.  (lol just go with it). That's not to say that we experience long wait times when we go. More often than not, it's the total opposite and everyone working there is chill.

So we deliberate for a few minutes, until server dude comes over. That's the moment of truth. There it is. Do we (bf literally doesn't care) risk going through the pain and disappointment again or just get soups? 

We go with the medium portion. 

This was strategic on my end. You see...

While the stoneware that the food comes in is the same size, the amount of meat is what's different. In the large portions, it would make sense to put monumentally sized pieces of back rib. And only a few pieces of short rib. Short ribs take up less real estate. And how else to give large portions of meat than to give literally large bricks of rib? So now....

Now that we got the medium... there's no need for huge anything. Incremental short ribs would be the most efficient. We shall see. 

They brought our plate out

I'll never get tired of this part. It's so cool. And just like that, I could feel myself falling for it again. Wanting everything to be okay. Safe. Delicious. The amazing food experience I know it could be.

Once the cheese was sufficiently blasted, bf measured the height of the "mound" of food. He could see it didn't come up as high as it did last time. And as far as I could tell, I didn't spot huge bricks of anything under that sexy melted layer of mozzarella.

We dove right in. I probed into the cheese with my chopsticks, grabbing nothing in particular. And pull out a generous piece of meat, webbed in mozzarella and dripping with spicy sauce.

I probed some more, expecting the worse. Expecting to go and turn over one of the bigger lumps beneath the cheese only to find it's connected to 5 other lumps and it's all one giant piece and what the fuck why WHY

I gently lifted the lump under the cheese, and beneath it revealed the adorable underside of a short rib. Just chillin on the top. A smile was comin on. Then I went for another lump. And to my surprise.... another short rib. And then another. And then .... I found a piece of back rib. But it wasn't a giant brick... it was a cute little proportional piece to the other cuts of short rib. It... it.... it made sense. And .... there was no tearing, no yanking. Just.... tenderness. And... it was at that moment

that

my dopamine went into full blast. Hyper, giggly, talkative, wiggling around in my chair after every bite. The elation was almost too much because I couldn't shut up. About anything. I was stuffing my face and talking about everything ever. You know what else melted with that cheese?

My fears...

My lies...

I KNEW this place couldn't let me down. It couldn't! We have a relationship. And it was too hard to just give up. I also couldn't give up the moment when a burst of happy came over me and I decided to take a picture of the short ribs and proportional back rib all nestled in a cute little pile. The way we were. The way we are.

We devoured this. The only thing left over was the sauce and all the veggies that thickened perfectly because the potatoes were cut SMALL ENOUGH TO COOK ALL THE WAY THROugh :)

We got that to go.

And the icing on top of the cake... our favorite server was working that night. He loves us, it's totally mutual. I make sure to smile and send him love vibes from afar when he helps us out. He also asked bf if he worked at Blizz and he shared his enthusiasm for Starcraft. He mocked himself for it but he's basically our best friend and we love him and he's great and I made sure to tip him well. He always take good care of us. He was the one who initially explained why back ribs were added to the dish when I asked about it. An has gone out of his way for us before, so yeah.

I was SO happy. This was the greatest night EVER.

and in this... I learned....

1. Never go to Sun Nong Dan early evenings/during the day. The cuts suck.

2. Our best friend works at night

3. The medium is the way to go (we got a lot of meat imo. We still left full)

4. Don't give up on something that you love

Let me just remind ya'll that these plates are meant to serve 4-6 people. Both medium and large. So the medium isn't bad, we're just snobs. Medium easily can feed 4 people.

The last time, I was so bummed and entertained the idea of just not going back. In the grand scheme of things it's not that deep, but I really love this food lol. And when it gets presented so differently than what you're used to and expecting, it's a bummer. It would be less of a bummer if it wasn't so expensive maybe, but it was. Was really lame.

I love food lol. And going back potentially risking to lose time, gas, money, and my love for this place was not easy. It's like going somewhere you were super unhappy with and then going back hoping it's better.... on the hope that it goes back to how it used to be.

This could be applied to people too I guess lol.

If there's someone out there who you had a falling out with or they let you down or whatever, but they're your galbi jjim, try reaching out. They could turn out to be like our amazing best friend server and everything is okay. Or... they could just end up being giant bricks of boney back rib and disappoint you, but at least you know not to go there anymore. You get that closure.

Even if our plate came back the same way it did the other time.... I think it would've been fine. I would've ignored the big pieces and focused on the rest of the entree. It wasn't all bad. There's still some good there. It's overshadowed by the giant annoyances, but it's there. Just gotta keep that mindset strong when that happens again. POSITIVE SHIT. GOTTA STAY POSITIVE

All I fear means notheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnn

eeeennn youuu and I there's a new laaaaahhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayaaaaaaaaaaaEEEIIIND

this post was so unnecessary lmao

Decade

Wowowowowoowwo it's 2020

Everything's different! It has to be. Since like, it's been 2 days. Technically 3. WHERE ARE WE wow so different. 

Jk. I mean.. I know things are gonna be different this year because... I start school this month. That's gonna suck. Not the going back to school part, but the balancing work + school + commute + a life. Good thing coming from that though will be my super reflective and wise words of .... stuff. 

They flow more naturally when I'm stressed about something.

Sippy some tea for wisdom. Hm.... What have I learned?

For starters... a big one (for me is), not everyone will betray you LOL

That sounds hilariously sad, but I mean... for a while... that's what "friends" did! xD 

And it would happen often, and I'd never see it coming!

And man...It's soooooooooooo easy to take advantage of that.

Like, this is dumb but, if I wasn't going into Mortuary Science, I would go into Human Resources.. because I really wanna believe people are good at heart and I wanna HELP, but fuck me it's been a TRIP to get to a point to where bonds feel legitimate.

So. 

My gratitude for the friends made since I started there, is.... immeasurable. They're flawed, but are good, good people. Idk if that comes with maturity, or dealing with awful things that reset something in a person to see things different, or what. Regardless, it's a relief to let myself fall into that without doubting intentions. And for Thanksgiving, everything really sunk in. We all even reflected on how long we'd been getting together for our little meet ups. It's been 2 years straight. 

No whack. Just dope.

Like that? How that just segwayed into Thanksgiving? ;)

We had a potluck. It was cute. I love them.

 Ah, yess... ramensssss. I'll fight someone lol..

 I appreciate a decent bowl of flavored noodle water. Personally, if I had to choose one that isn't tonktosu, miso's the way to go for me. but I salt my rice, I don't need salt flavor for my noodle water too. juuuuuuuuuuuuuuuust saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaying

also soft boiled eggs are important. 

or else just don't.

No, honestly though, I'm totally open to trying good shio or shoyu ramen. I just... the times that I did have it were so disappointing. Admittedly, a few of those times were from the same place lol. So until someone can point me in the direction of a noodle house that has incredible shio/shoyu ramen... I'm unconvinced that tonktoksu isn't the best ramen ever. sahree.

Also this same place had the worst "seasoned" eggs. They were cold inside, hard boiled to the point where the yolk was chalky, and bland. 2/10 would not recommend atakikta

don't ask why this came up lol.

Also, Shadow is a good pup.

CHRISTMAS came and went so fasssst

And.... no clue what came over me, but the courage to cut my hair finally took over.

I've been wanting to do it for months! Idk if anyone noticed (prolly not) but earlier this year, I cut off several inches, and shortly after that cut off the forked ends that I didn't like. It honestly was an attempt to make them look more uniform, and feel lighter. But frankly I just wanted something different. It's been over 10 years since I've had my hair like this. I'm thinking, eventually, I'll let them go, but we're not there yet. And this isn't the first time I've chopped them to this length. In 2011, I did this same exact thing. And cut them two more times thereafter over the span of all these years.

But am good now :D

Feels awesome to not have all that weight anymore! You guys have no clue lol locs are heavyyyyyyy


 Early Christmas present from the boy! This is the coolest book ever

Before photographs, archiving anatomical anomalies would be recorded through illustration. Detailed, deliberate and almost gruesome illustrations. These illustrations are shown in this book, along with the overview of medical exploration's journey through its infancy in macabre theatre up until sophisticated instruments paved the way for greater research in disease. It's detailed.
I love it.

thiccc.

We celebrated Suna's birthday mid December. But made sure to make it about her and not baby jesus. Also lol, I was the only one that did the Secret Santa thing for work. ITS FINE but a part of me was disheartened. We all picked names! and no one did it except me T_T that's messed up lol

LEARNED THING NUMBER 2

Sometimes.... no matter how nice you are to someone, even if you're just vaguely acquainted, some folks just are not gonna like you. Or suddenly grow animosity towards you. WHy? Ionno. And nothing you do can change that. So you'll ask yourself "???? Are they having a shitty day like.. all the time?" And the answer is...

go home take a selfie, and post it

that's it. that's the answer.

when someone wants to glare at you and not acknowledge you exist to your face, you take a selfie and throw it on sm. That way, they can glare even more when it comes up on their feed, and hopefully will make them feel better to let that angry out. Only difference then is that they can be rude in the presence of their own company, and not in yours. Problem solved.

ugh. 

rude people suck.

celebrate yourself.

that is all.

Star Wars Galaxies continues to live on in jovial conversations.

Hah. Hah. Hah.

Bff and I did our gift exchange over dinner. We went to this place... I forget what it's called... it's vegan. And like... uppity. one sec. 

CROSSROADS.

This book btw is crazy. I'm not done with it, but it's weird. 

k so.

You know those places... wait let me preface first with

this place was on Melrose Avenue. In the heart of Hollywood

and it's exactly what you'd expect.

 It ABSOLUTELY is one of those places that charges you a crazy amount for a small entree serving. I joked about this in an older post here. It was total joke based on another place I'd been to YEARS ago, but I shit you not.... There are 5 pieces of vegan tortelloni on that massive plate. In sauce. $$$.
Ponies ordered the lasagna. That little black plate on the right above my finger was his entree. We had appetizers and dessert. I was fortunate to be treated to this for a Christmas eve eve dinner. We have it every year, but even he was like... :|

Hollywood sucks lol.

I'm not ungrateful. Just... It's a shame that there are (all kinds of) business like this who thrive because of ... "we went to dinner in Hollywood- myea, it's on Melrose."

you know what i mean? you get me?

 Ponies wanted to check it out because 1. he's vegan and 2. it got good reviews.
This time around, he wanted to try something different. Now we know. I think we're gonna stick to our usual Orange County places for a while.


Speaking of Orange County places, ALL YOU CAN EAT SUSHI :D

I will inhale all of the nigiri.

Ah, this is how we spent the entirety of holiday break:

I'm proud to say that during break... I finished Sekiro. Finished the first Nier: Automata play through, am getting through Dark Souls III, did a couple play throughs of Disco Elysium, and a few play throughs of Pamali: Pocong.

The boy was keeping busy reading manga, playing Red Dead 2 and Persona 5.

It's been a good break.

 We went nowhere on Christmas eve. In fact, I gave presents away and we celebrated Christmas at midnight lol. And resumed our dreadfully scheduled insomniac gaming habits.

GALBI JJIM LET ME DOWN.

This sucks, this is turning into like... just me dumping on all these food places lol. Ugh I'm sorry lol I don't want it to be that, but man.

Okay, no dumping. Just... context.

So we've been coming to this place for 2 years now. When we first came here, their dish came with short ribs. If you got the large, you got a ton of short ribs with extra pieces of beef. 

I don't know WHAT happened in the last year that made it so now they serve mostly back rib pieces and a few short rib pieces. If you don't know wtf I'm talking about, lol... (I didn't either I was so confused when I saw it) back rib pieces are clonky pieces of rib on a giant forked bone. They take a lot of work to eat and cut through, and it's hella messy because it's not small pieces anymore, it's giant pieces that have to be.... cut or distributed. 

When I first saw them, I asked the server (I was polite!) about the change in the servings. He told us it was because people wanted back rib pieces instead of short ribs. I said okay, and he even went out of his way the next time we went to make it so we got short rib pieces. (Also I have braces and can't tear into the back rib pieces). But what I found weird was... how would customers know to ask for back rib pieces when.... back rib pieces were never served before in that dish? Or at least not at that location.

It's not that deep lmao

but you guise YOU GUISE  T_______T  this last time.... oh my god lol. There were huge pieces of  back ribs. And.. the dish is supposed to serve 4 people... 4 pieces didn't even fit on the plate, they were so huge! That brown spot you see in the photo, that's the side of one piece of back rib. w..w......why?? short ribs were fine?? I don't understaaaaaaannndddd

IT'S LITERALLY IN THE NAME. GALBI JJIM MEANS BRAISED SHORT RIBS

And.... they changed the rice cake recipe LOL. 

oh my god I'm sorry I'll stop.

T____T 

I've a strong attention to detail. this can be a flaw

 Towards the end of our break, there was a thingie. Gamers Gala!
This was an event that raised over $10k to put towards a rescue specifically for cats, dogs, and horses in queue for euthanasia. The turnout was great. In addition to the awesomeness of everyones donations, Angie provided early birds with a boba bar. That was totally annihilated within the first hour of the event.

 

 :)

 Peeps trickled in more and more as the evening progressed. The line to the bar was.... insane.

 best onesie?

Was also Angie's birthday!

A lot happened that night. It was a lot of fun. We don't really go out much to social events or clubs or whatever. But this was cool. I think mostly because.... there were familiar faces, and it's at the esports arena. Felt slightly less awkward. The random squawk greetings made it more homey though.

And thankfully no one almost got run over by a Tesla again!

also.. i used to hate what i looked like without eye make up.

idc anymore. i look like a little boy

it's fine

i'm over it

 :D

AND NOW we're here. In 2020. wowowowoowwowowww
Today was my first day back to work. It was really nice actually. Delighted to see everyone again ^_^
And... it's already friday tomorrow, and then the weekend again!

Ahhh school is coming... bleugh. Math. I'm also taking Mandarin. May prove useful for later travels. Getting the language skill up to level 3. Hoooo boy.


Ooof I feel this post was more just complaining than actual reflecting on stuff. I mean these posts kinda just take a life of their own. I never really have a plan going into these things. OH WELL

Happy New Year!

I want durian mochi