Trauma llama

   This whole week I won't be attending work. Something happened that kind of made it so that my brain is all confuzzled about life. It has to do with being forced to lay face down on the floor with a gun pointed at me and other people. SO.

Distracting myself doesn't come as easy as before. But I've been working on stock for Bat's Day Black Market. I'm not happy with what I have yet, so I'll be making more. Whether they'll be duplicates or new designs I've yet to decide. More duplicates are imminent though...I think. I also think a lot of these would do well on my Etsy. For now however, my focus is the Black Market.

I hope they all sell.

Yesterday I went to Trader Joe's to purchase food to binge on. So much for my healthier changes. I think I just want the food to make my brain happy and fulfilled. That way I won't replay negative memories as much?

The same evening that it occurred, my roommate Josh made a bold suggestion to me. He suggested I learn how to load/unload and shoot a hand gun. Reason for this was in the event that I find a hand gun somewhere, or am in a similar situation where the opportunity presents itself, I'll know what to do. Considering how that very morning I saw one 4 feet in front of me and had it pointed at me, it was a little OH GOD I CAN'T WTF WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME. However with both his and Rot's support, I was able to do finally do it. It really sucked at first lol. When he cocked it, I started crying because... psychology. It triggered my memory and I simply lost myself. So he took it away, came back and comforted me. Rot suggested I try it again, and so we did. Cried again, but I told him not to take it away. He had he hold it, which sucked lol. LONG STORY SHORT it ended with me aiming at the Blood Elf standee in our living room shouting obscene, angry, vindictive slurs imagining the gunman as my target. Which felt good.
Probably the most jacked up therapy I've received, but it helped me a LOT.
Not only that, but Rot experienced the same thing 3 times in 2 weeks at the same location. Eventually they got the guy and shot him. Talking about it with someone else who also went through the same thing made me feel better.
Also, I got so many messages and texts from people and phone calls asking how I was doing - I was overwhelmed as shit but I am grateful to everyone who extended their condolences and offered their assistance. Really, thank you.

Stupid memory. I remember his face, even though he wore a mask, so you could only see his eyes.
He had big, sorta bulgy brown eyes.

 

Kinda like that. Where they're so bulgy that you can see a considerable amount of white under the iris even when they look straight ahead. Except they were dark brown.

ANYWAY

Here's some stuff that's gonna be for sale at Bat's Day Black Market;

And I also made this super cute one: 

It's a commission for Trent. He was at Wondercon with DnD guy and me.
I hope he likes it!

Back to the factory.