Mind

   I'm falling asleep at my chair...

Forgive me for this entry will lack the usual images. Though I will try to compensate by illustrating with the written word. SO CALM DOWN, K?

Fuckin' donuts, man. So good.
Speaking of donuts. Sugar.
Sugar...

Sugarcoating is not a method I follow.

I no longer want to post photos of myself on the internet. The last one that I displayed as what I believe is deemed as a 'selfie' will more than likely be its last. At least for a while. Unless, I'm captured with company. What I mean I guess is the selfie where the subject is booming with confidence and vain expression. This matters to me because recently it has been brought to my attention that my images are more than just that to some, and it makes me incredibly uncomfortable. The very thought of it makes me never want to get 'dolled' up ever again.

There's a point of view that I have which may not be very popular, and even narcissistic, but I feel that despite all emotional backlash, is quite logical.

When someone views you in a certain light, whether negative or positive, who is responsible for that?

We are always quick to tell or believe that a negative perspective from an audience is and should be easily dismissed. Why? Because it is a perspective that belongs to audience, and audience alone, having no real relevance to who you are as a person or your being.

It's easily understandable why this wouldn't apply to the positive side of it, because we as humans are social creatures and thrive on communal support, wanting if not yearning for some kind of recognition, or positive feedback on our ... everything that we do. I find the logic in this to be flawed, because despite the emotional yearning to want to be admired, it still has nothing to do with you as a person on why you are viewed in that particular perspective.

Your personality, and the way one comes off to another is a FACTOR of the mold that will form your audience's view of you. Nothing more.

With that said, the fact that I am viewed in a particular, uncomfortable, light truly and logically is not my concern. If it was up to me, I'd wish to erase myself entirely from social media so as to not have to restrict myself as I do. When people hang out with me, they find me more animated than I come across on the internet. This self censoring is deliberate. And I hate it.

I do not want to be seen in a sexual light at all, whatsoever unless it's made clear we're cool and at that point to joke about.
I do not care to be told how beautiful I am by certain people.
I do not care to be responsible for not complying to the standard of complimentary stimuli.
I do not care to be hit on.
I do not want to be examined. Like noting the titles I put on my uploaded images in the browser.
I do not want to be a friends' masturbatory catalyst- I rather suspend all of my accounts.
I do not want to feel concerned about being eye fucked or watched, by a friend.

It is NOT my problem, and I do not want to have to concern myself about the context of my words being taken in a way that would never, ever otherwise imply any sort of sexual undertones directed at anyone.

This is unfortunate for me, because a lot of my friends who are just bros to me and vise versa can joke and I don't have to wonder if they got excited, so I'd never be able to joke with them ever again about that topic.

I take this very seriously. There's very little that I do to deliberately pull that kind of attraction. VERY little. And it has come to a point of great frustration.

When you feel like you want to cover your ass with your purse in front of someone, I think it's time to make this issue heard.


With that said, don't fucking litter. It's gross.

This entry was meant to communicate my concerns to one anonymous individual, in addition to therapeutically unbottling my ire.

Now I'm going to nap, and I'll look ugly as fuck while I do.