Malware

  

   Does your head ever get super loud out of nowhere when you're trying to play candy crush before going to sleep? Sleeping a lot when I'm supposed to be awake instead helps. Though, sleeping a lot is probably not the best way to pass my time, but... overthinking is a flaw I have that if left unchecked, propels me into compromised perceptions. Like malware. But I think I just need to step away from stuff and clear my head. 

This happened a few months ago. Meltdown thing, kind of. I got past it, but it was draining. I feel like I wanna leave here and be alone on an island for a while. Eat gummy bears and play candy crush with infinity lives until zombies break out and destroy the planet. Or pull a Thoreau and just... live in the woods. And overthink. And keep a diary of all of my mad ravings. And that'd be my life, and it'd be fine. Ugh, and then some annoying hikers in their mid-20s would come across my cabin and want to vlog the encounter for their stupid youtube channel. God... what would I even do? I'd play dead lmao. And when they'd try to break into my cabin, they could explore everything and when they see my body, I'd break my "death" and screech at them like some rabid .... thing.... that just escaped out of a burning man tent. I'd scream incoherent lyrics from a BlackPink song, moving around in sudden jerks and pops, and then faint right in front of them. 

And then when they, mortified, try to draw close to see if I'm awake, my eyes dart open, and I whisper

 dOnT foRgEt To hIt ThAt LiKe AnD sUbScRiBe. 

and probably throw water on their equipment for trespassing into my house and filming without permission. That's harsh, but if that actually happened, I bet my life that they would post everything on a monetized platform. That's like, what people do now. Everything is monetized. Even interacting has turned into a transaction. People are putting themselves behind a paywall in order to be interacted with. It's not even a service being provided anymore. It's just... they exist on some platform, and feel that existing is enough to charge people to interact with them. 

Bizarre. I wish I thought I was that important but ... something about that way of thinking repulses me.

Speaking of predatory things! It's done! I finished Saga! Volume 1 at least. It's a book a coworker let me borrow a trillion years ago. Said I'd like it.

 I DO. I love HER. The Stalk. How predictable is this? VERY. I love her so much hnnnngg. And I'm THIS close to abandoning everything and creating a cosplay of her lol. She's so beautiful! Aggghhh. It's not fair. Why can't I be her T_T

Today though, because last night was especially stupid, I finally washed my desk mat.

Bath and Body works not only has great bath and body products, but they also work great for desk mats! Any mild soap works really. But I like yummy smelling gels that can really soak in there. They're safe to clean with warm water and soap, and just air dry. Only have to make sure to ring it out really well.

And earlier today, I made a batch of spam musubi.

 I've already eaten 4. They're so good I can't help it.

I also bought a 5lb bag of gummy bears. I don't like candy, but every now and then I'll crave something sugary and it's annoying that we don't really have sugary stuff in the house. OOPS. So this has been me. Also getting through Dark Souls III. It's fun. My character has a whip. She's a sorc, but I'm also giving her some mmpf in that whip lash. It's just really satisfying.

I hate when I get like this. I have to snap out of it. Probably be over it in a few days, but til then, all I wanna do is sleep this off. It's almost as if there's like... something that's keeping me up at night that won't let me sleep. Besides me. And my thoughts go racing. Out of nowhere. When all I wanna do is play candy crush. I just want it to stop. This haunting mental malware bullshit.

I also missed the turnip lady in Animal Crossing again this morning, so that's probably it. I'm sure of it.

welp. time to start a patreon!