Damaged

   I'm going through a tough time at the moment that I can't seem to shake despite my efforts to better my situation. It's an internal struggle I fear I'll have to try to get used to until other things change. It really fucking sucks. Elaborating will probably make me feel better...

Also I made these little japanese pudding charms. 

Raspberry, regular, blueberry, strawberry, and chocolate ^^

There's absolutely no way I can do more damage as a caster mage than the new melee mage spec they implemented in Rift with the new expansion. I don't want to go fucking melee. I want to stay ranged. I've looked for other combinations I can use to do better dps but everyone right now is a Pyro/Harbinger combo and fuck that.
Rot says I should just give Harb a chance. He's right, I should. However it's been a long time since I actually liked playing melee. Several years ago back in Vanilla WoW I swore on my life that I'd play Warrior for as long as I lived. Because ... Fighting is real and magic is for pussies: that was my mentality back then. But then I tried out a Mage and never looked back. Now... the top DPS soul in Rift is a Harbinger which is melee and I'm butthurt because alls I'm trying do is role a fucking Warlock/Necro and try to get some quests done but I can't even do that because it takes forfuckingever to kill shit because I'm NOT DOING AS MUCH DPS.

It blows. I may just go heals. I have a healing spec already. All it needs is some fine tuning and I should be good to heal dungeons. BUT SERIOUSLY I WANNA DPS. Who knows when it'll get balanced out. I read this thread that says Necro/Elemenalist was 800 DPS behind Harbinger so I tried that. Pathetic. I can't get past 1200 where as other people my level are doing over 2k. WTF is that horseshit? Maybe it's my gear or my rotation of spells, or how I spec'd into my trees I dunno I'm trying to figure it out but it's getting to me :(

...So then I turn to Torchlight II to cool off, which by the way is fun.


HOKAY so this last weekend was my friend's show! Jason! Yanno... the bald guy that always winds up in here somehow? Yes him. He plays in a rock/country band named after him, Jason Charles Miller. HE'S KIND OF A BIG DEAL. lol
jk no he's not. PSYCHE. HI JASON :D
Anywho so I did merch for his two shows. I did merch for him in the past and ended up meeting super nice people through it. No different this time ^^
The first show was in San Diego.

To my surprise it was at the same venue Psyclon Nine played for the very last show on the We the Fallen tour. Or... at least I think it was that tour. Their last one.
Oh man. That show was funny. SO MUCH DRAMA. I was surrounded by probably the most batshit crazy people I've ever met in my life. Rotny warned me. I did not listen. Most of them probably fucked up on something- stealing money, fighting, yelling at each other, throwing tantrums, going at it over twitter and facebook. AMAZING.

THIS TIME I was there it was completely normal, and fun, and professional. I forget what the venue was called. But they get a lot of shows there.
The drive there was crappy lol. We were driving for 4+ hours because of traffic. Normally it's a 2ish hour drive. Yay California traffic. Also it was raining, so everyone and their mom was mortified of the roads and driving extra slow. Eventually we get there and they start setting stuff up for sound check, I go straight to the merch area and start setting up.
Jason bought me a delicious burrito and nachos, and Geoff kept coming over to check up on me and keep me company when he could. Weee!
One of the attendees there tried to get me to leave with him and go see the Transiberian Orchestra show that was up the road. He said he had an extra ticket. Would've been sweet to see. With not him, on another night. They're awesome. I've seen them before years back with my ex. Badass if you're into that stuff.

At the studio getting ready to leave on Friday.

Can you seeee meee? :3

Coffin Case!

I was in the back of the venue. The stage is way up front. It was nice though, all the people were way over there :P haha

My reading material for that night. 

So many shiiiirts. I reorganized EVERYTHING. That bin was a mess!

^^ me likey white russians!

schmoozy time!

HAHA

Geoff came over with his technology and we watched Lilo & Stitch on his pad thing.

On Saturday sound check was way earlier so I had to be at the studio to meet them around 1:45. They were playing at the Whiskey that night with several other bands. We got there on time and I went upstairs to set up. Jason then told me he wanted me to set up gifts for that night because he had a special guest (Santa!) showing up on stage. He was gonna give out a prize after every song and Santa was gonna pass out candy :P

So I got to work on that. It looked so cute and x-masy and stuff. I also got to snack on some chocolate. Mwahaha!

We were there super early and sound check was done so Jason and I split to go get something to eat. First we went to this cute pizza place a few doors down. He ended up getting two slices of white pizza and I got the snickers cake NOMNOMNOM. He ate most of it. 

Then we went to a few other shops around the area and looked around. He went back to go check on something and told me to meet him at the Hustler store. The Hustler store was literally across the street. You can't NOT go to the Hustler store when it's literally across the street.

So I met him there. 

The only other time I've been there was because of Psyclon Nine's Ruina tour back in ... 09? I think?

Filip had flown in to rehearse. Everyone was here. We took the van and we all went out in search of liquid latex and a stage costume for Filip. He ended up getting a feather vest from the Hustler store xD I don't know if he actually wore it or not, I think he did... lemme look...

OMG YUP.

HE DID.

This photoshoot was lolz.

Baby powder

everywhere

omg

asthma

for reals

ANYWAY

Hustler store. yeah lol

I went straight to see what liquid latex they had to let Rot know. He bought some last time and at the last Psyclon show someone was stupid and just spilled it everywhere.

So many colors!

Cuuuuuute!

We studied the various masturbation dolls and apparatuses for men. Very imaginative! I learned that Jason has a plastic surgeon friend who did a porn stars boob job. It's good to know that if ever I come to find that my adorable, non-aging ...things.. are ever in need of a size increase, I'll know who to go to. We also found the parody section. There's basically a porn parody of every movie and tv-series ever made. From Seinfeld to X-Files, Thor, Twilight (of course there would be) and a bunch more. The Adams Family. Oh man. Good stuff. Jason also of course has a friend who starred in a few of them. He pointed him out. It was difficult to hold back laughter in some of the poses he was in. I couldn't imagine being aroused and posing like a squatting monkey for cameras xD

He took me to the little coffee shop inside the store that I had no idea existed. Cutest thing ever!! I should've had something from there but it was all so pricey. Novelty stuff =\

MAYBE I SHOULD APPLY TO WORK THERE OMG

We headed back to the Whiskey because his manager was meeting him there shortly. I went upstairs and prepped... but not before going with Jason and Eric to Pete's Coffee and getting a latte. We said our goodbyes and I came back. Set up some more and waited til it was time to check everyone in.

Geoff and I went outside with everyone else and waited for about 20 minutes before the doors opened. It was raining and there were a lot of douchebags and kids and aunts and uncles and shit. All scared of the rain. We got inside at 8pm and the first band started playing. I hauled ass upstairs and took my post. 

Geoff's friend Sarah showed up shortly after who I came to really like! She's super chill and at the very end of the night I ended up learning that she voiced the character on my keychain! She does voice over and was giving me advice on how to start and what to look into if it was something I seriously wanted to pursue. When she saw my keychain she said "that's my character!" and I was like NO WAY. RLY?! And it was one of those omg moments. :3

Because I got her out of a mystery box in little tokyo with Devon!

The one on the right, with blue hair. That's Sarah! ^^

That night I also saw Taliesin! I haven't seen him in a really long time.

I met him a few years back while merching for another show of Jason's. Everyone knows him too because he's a voice over director and has done a lot of stuff with Anime. Jason knows EVERYONE in the voice over field it seems lol. Taliesin was there with his lady, who I must say is adorable and it's like they suit each other perfectly. They're like cartoon characters come to life. Me wub Taliesin!

They were all dressed up to go to another event. They looked so cute together *_*

He's such a sweetheart!

Oh, lol! There was this younger black kid there who gave me one of these, which I later found were scattered all over the venue. It's a print of a million dollar bill. I was like O_o thanks? I guess...

Then Sarah looked at it and was like omg... Evangelism rofl. I was like RLY!?

Really.

"The million dollar question: will you go to Heaven when you die?" 

YA GOT MY ATTENTION, MILLION DOLLARS. YA GOT MY ATTENTION

Time to pack up!

It was a looooong night. But this time I got home around 3AM instead of 4AM so that was good. 

Was tired as shit!

Thankfully I didn't work the next day. I kind of figured I'd be exhausted to I requested off to recover. BOY WAS I SMART TO DO THAT. Not that I was drunk, it just messed up my sleep schedule :<

Totally worth it though.

I had a lot of fun. Everyone did.

This weekend I'm gonna be seeing Alan again too! Very excited for that because we are going to.....

SIX FLAGS!!!! 

I haven't been there once the whole time I've lived in California. I'm so stoked to go! It's gonna be awesome! And then in January my friend is gonna fly in from out of state and we're gonna go to Disneyland. fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffYES TURKEYLEGS

What if they have turkey legs at Six Flags?!!? 

Also on Friday Devon and I are doing Little T. The secret's come out and I wanna go with her at least once more before she leaves. I'll miss our LT time so so so much. I don't know who else I can do that with really, other than Dnd guy but he's just as bad as I am when it comes to doing shit and flaking. If not worse. Actually no I think we're both pretty terrible. Well... we'll make this last visit amazing. And super memorable. 

Now I need juice. Am thirsty ^_^

hee

Make-up

It suddenly occurred to me

      that it's past midnight and I still have to do all this shit to my hair.

Have I mentioned that I dislike hair maintenance? Contrary to.. actually I'm not sure about this but when I decided to get my hair locked I was completely unaware of how much work it would take to maintain it. Way more work than unlocked hair, that's for sure. My solution? Shave off half and just work with what's left! haha

I found a hair chick that has a salon nearby who specializes in locks. This might become a priority at some point. I've only been to a salon once in my entire life. Hilarious, right? Actually no, I'm lying. Twice.
Once in Peru for my quinseñera. The second visit was in Harrisburg to have my roots tightened. This was back when I had a full head of locks with a count of 95. I was there for 4+ hours. UGH. Such a crock of shit, I hate putting that much time into my hair, lol. The only time I'm cool with it is if I have dye in my hair and forget about it while I play Portal 2 or watching a movie on Netflix or something.

Make up... I always do the same thing. Just about. The only thing I ever change is the shape of the liner around my eyes.
Shadows are eh. I'll only really go out of my way to wear white shadow. Or a little bit of lilac but nothing theatrical. Ew. Also I suck at it so there's that. Dunno, never liked how shadow looks so I guess I didn't bother experimenting. It looks cartoon-y... said the girl with the clown eyebrows who played World of Warcraft.
Eyebrows... optional. The great thing about eyebrows is that most people who've seen me without em have grown accustomed to it and it's not a big deal. I think I can pull off not having em in. It's funny that I'll wear em for special occasions at this point. They're like accessories almost.

I like red accents. Not like lipstick or whatever but having a red hue to stuff. You know when you cry and your face reddens, your eyes become puffy and red and your lips get puffy and red too? I LOVE that. When I mimick the colors on my face from crying I get many a compliment on how well it goes with my skin tone. Combine the cry-eyes with blushing cheeks and slightly pale lips and BOOM.

WTF is bronzer?
 Sorry. That stuff looks like powdered piss caked on chicks faces. rofl

Speaking of cake...
I get told a lot that I have good skin. Thing is... I don't use a lot of stuff on my face. I dab liquid foundation under my eyes and around my cheeks so the blush stands out more. Other than that... bare. Skin likes to breath. When you layer all sorts of shit like...

• Lotion
• Concealer
• Primer
• Foundation
• Powder
• That spray shit to keep make up in place

 that's.... 6 LAYERS of SHIT on your FACE.
That CAN'T be good for it lol.
And then to put the other make up on top of all that? :( Poor skin

But... I also use a scrub wash. That apricot stuff from St. Ive's. The grittiest one because tough love works great in all roads of life.
Also genetics has influence, but there isn't much I can explain there.

Also I like using contacts. In the first one I'm wearing black contacts.
In this one I'm wearing circle lenses that make my irises look larger.

Those are always fun to play with.
 Whoa.
This completely turned into what stuff I use and do for make-up appliance.
Sorry, boy readers. =\
With that said... I'm procrastinating even more from lookin presentable for Jason's shows. I should just show up in jeans and a plaid button up shirt and sandles. Get sent home so fast lol.
Psyche. Jason lurvs me he wouldn't do that! ... I hope. >_> ha

Rot's a cranky face and is making me go to bed.
NIGHTY NIGHT.
PS: Mashed potatoes and rice = yummy and easy meal :3

2 weeks

  I very much don't feel like writing but it's been a little while. I feel as though I should.

About 2 weeks ago I went on a trip to go visit a long time friend of mine. I've mentioned them here before a few times. It was a nice vacation to get out of L.A. for a few days and leave the messiness of it behind. I had forgotten how calm and quiet places can be. I miss that. While there I didn't think to take many pictures.

The moms had this cool brewing machine called a Keurig. It makes great apple cider. Makes me wanna invest in one myself, however buying the pods to restock it may be an expense I don't care to bother with. AH, LUXURIES. RIGHT?
I stayed there for 4 days. It was chillier which was great because I love the drastic temperature change as you enter a house. It's all warm and stuff and you're like PHEW and it feels like winter.

My friend was adamant about making sure I wasn't bored during my visit. We both live vicariously through our pixelated sanctuaries so... yeah. lol. Instead, that night we went out for sushi!!
Delish! ^^

The sushi on the left is Eel - my favorite. The sushi on the right is squid. Normally I like squid, it was my first time eating it raw. I almost threw up from the consistency. It tasted like sea.

mmmmmmmmmmm... so gurd.
Funny story: I thought I had vacation time. I didn't. The end!

For most of the trip we just layed around and watched stuff on Youtube and movies. I was introduced to Haado Gei (Hard Gay). Thank you Japan, you are pretty much wtf.

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

OKAAAAAYYY

- yep and we watched Brave. It made me wanna work on my Scot accent. I can only say a few convincing phrases- it's hilarious. We also watched Flight of the Navigator OH MY GOD I LOVED IT. Such a great movie lol.

American foooood! There was this super cozy restaurant that was decorated in retro stuff all American-y and stuff. I felt so hispanic being in it. Is that weird? I ended up saying "Oh so THIS is American culture?" There's no way of knowing if I was serious or not. I don't even know.

We also went to go see Wreck-it Ralph. Cuuuuuuute. I love how they incorporated video game glitches. Very very cute! The theatre was in a mall so while we waited for it to start we walked around and found these bad boys in a candle store.

This immediately made me think of Hank Hill. 

MAN TOWN.

It smelled like some expensive European mens cologne or body spritz or whatever. Pretty incredible.

I wonder how the market is on these 'manly' scents, haha. 

*nods*

If I was rich I would've bought all the patchouli candles and taken them to a landfill, burned it with all the other garbage and then bury it somewhere in Haight & Ashbury in San Francisco where the smell wouldn't bother the locals much like it naturally does the rest of the human species inhabiting the planet.

  

 

  Puppies up for adoption!

It was so nice to just not have to work for a few days and not have to worry about money (because I had already paid my bills). lol. Sigh.

Coming back home to L.A. was bitter sweet. But also good because Thanksgiving was approaching and that meant I got to try out a new recipe.

Once I got back my friend Jason asked me to join him for a 'hang out' session at the 1337 Lounge. It's where some of the Jace Hall show is shot at I think, and they've been regularly having people on a livestream thing. It was pretty cool, I'm glad he asked me. Getting used to the fact that there were random internet people watching my every move and hearing everything I said was a little weird at first, but later I learned to relax a little more. 

I met up with him at his studio before we split. He made me listen to this intro song he was working on for a film about an 88 year old secret agent. LOL

I've never seen real alligator shoes before. Ewwwww =\

We got there and were introduced to Xavier and another friend of Jason's, Jake. Jamison was there too. And, one of the hosts, Jenn was incredibly sweet.

Jake (left) kind of looks like Ewan Mcgregor. He'd make a great young Obi Wan imo.

The evening consisted of trying to plow through Dragon's Lair. Impossible. Hardest game that ever existed.

Laptops and cameras EVERYWHERE

OH HULLLLOOOOO

Good times ^^

They have a stream every day with a new guest if anyone cares to check it out. 

http://tinychat.com/1337loungelive

T H A N K S G I V I N G |

 I bought so much shit, omg. I didn't ask for my roommates for $$ because I absolutely hate it when one of them corners me and springs shit up on me expecting me to pay him for something I didn't even want. Treat others how you like to be treated is something I take seriously. This also gave me room to do whatever the shit I wanted with my food. Which basically I brought in to work so my co-workers could have some. I remember a long time ago another co-worker brought in her leftovers the next morning, and I was like omfg that's so amazing of you and it's so good thank you so much. 

So. Yeah. That made me feel super thankful and wanted other people to feel good too.

We had a ton of food. Rot prepared and roasted the turkey with stuffing and dressed it with beer. Yummy! He also made candied yams and mashed potatoes. Josh made baked macaroni and cheese.

I made causa and papa rellena. They're Peruvian dishes. Causa is kind of like mashed potatoes but kinda spicy and seasoned. You layer them with tuna salad in the middle, it kinda looks like a casserole. And papa rellena is kind of prepared like mashed potatoes, but the potatoes are kind of treated like a dough and you stuff it with seasoned ground meat with eggs and olives and stuff, and deep fry it. It's traditionally served with white rice, but I figured we already had enough food that the rice wasn't necessary. 

Lesbian turkey.

Drunk lesbian turkey.

Ready to be fried.

^^

nom nom nom

I was so proud of this. It came out sooooooooo good. The papa rellena was good but not as good as my moms. There's room for improvement but everyone that tried the causa agreed that it was amazing. GOOD JOB, ME.

I have a second job now, kind of. A little extra $$ for the holidays will be nice. I also am gonna start selling charms again. Except... I have to find a supplier thing for little packages to mail them off in. Also since Rot used up my black and red acrylic paints for a Psyclon show I have to wait for him to go out and get me replacements. 

This weekend I'm gonna be doing merch for Jason on Friday and Saturday. He's got two shows coming up, one in San Diego and the other here in L.A. So that extra $$ can go to like gas or something. lol

I also am up for a review at work. Boss says I did well. 

GOOD. I KNOW I do well. I do AWESOME. 

Modesty will never bleed into my work ethic ever again.

Confidence at work never mattered in the past but... considering how shitty someone was to me behind my back over a juvenile attention whoring turf war I wasn't aware of, I don't mind being a dick as much.

It's cool I guess. The weekend Dnd guy and I were in Long Beach he said they do it because their own lives are boring. I don't very much know much about that person's life, or care, but I trust that he's right. haha

All my other co-workers are great though ^^

They get Thanksgiving foods! 

Ranting feels good! I've been bottling that for a while. :3

 The thing is my life really isn't all that exciting. It seems like there's a lot going on but really there isn't. That's the best though. I like being boring. Unconventional at times sure but pretty docile most of the time. 

EXCEPT FOR WHEN IN JANUARY THE WEEKEND THAT NAMM WILL BE GOING ON I'M GOING TO DISNEY WITH MUH FRAN. More details to come... eventually. 

On a super exciting note... Rot made me mashed potatoes yesterday. And today I had Chipotle again.

This weekend is gonna be fun. 

Bath and Body Works had a sale. I don't think I've ever hauled ass that fast to get to a mall. Ever. It was buy two 3 wick candles for $20. Normally they're $20 EACH. 

I KNOW RIGHT!?

So I mean... I had to go. I had to go get some. and so I did. 

sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood x___x

mmmpf. 

K I'm lighting my frosting candle and passing out.