Last night for some reason I got really sad. I woke up late as I usually do feeling hungry but not wanting to get up. So I got on my phone and played the shit out of Happy Street until I just was like :((( out of nowhere. Frankly... I think I was PMSing. I was lucky enough to have found a bard though. He gave me a song to boost my spirits, and its power worked. SEE WHAT I DID THERE? So many connections, yet still so cryptic.
Being cryptic is fun. It makes me feel like John from the SAW movies. He's always giving people riddles, but towards the end you realize he was being pretty literal the whole time.
"The answers are in the back of your mind" and they're like WHAT DOES THAT MEAN and then while everyone's dying they're like OH, IT'S LITERALLY ON THE BACK OF MY NECK. FUCK.
See how fun that is? I don't even mean to be that way. I just expect everyone to pick up on things for some reason. Weird. It's a character flaw. Or I'm just extremely arrogant. Dunno.
Hey look. It's some of me.
After being told I wasn't as attractive as I used to be, I've pretty much gone out of my way to salvage the bigger shattered pieces of my self esteem and make something of them. Personally, it's difficult. There are secrets. Despite the influx of kind, albeit meaningless, compliments there's much that I curse myself over having. So pardon my random vanity from time to time. It's a shallow remedy, but a remedy nonetheless. I try to remember, despite my minor genetic flaws, there are attributes that natural selection would override... maybe. Did I just turn my emotional bs into science? I SURE DID.
OH. Also this:
One of my co-workers is an Avon rep. She's so cute she's always bringing in the little books and I get excited because my mom also is an Avon rep! She would have loads of stuff at home and thus familiarized me with their products. The eyeliner I prefer over anything else in this damn solar system is Avon's eyeliner. Liquid as well as ... that pen thing that you can 'screw' back into the ..wand or whatever it's called. Not the pencil one. Best description ever.
Anyway so she was like WE HAVE THESE NEW BODY WASH THINGS THEY'RE GREAT and I was like OOH WHAT SCENTS and she was like BANANA COCONUT MILK AND OTHERS and I died and bought one. And then a few weeks later (today) got 5 more. Just in time because the other stuff I use is almost out.
You have NO idea. How good this smells. Unless I literally put this in your face and made you smell it... then I guess you do. I just wanna fill my tub and empty one of these in the water and soak in it for 43 billion hours. I just... ugh. I could just roll around on my floor right now in a jubilant stupor after inhaling this scent. No I won't calm down. I'm so thankful my nose isn't deaf. I'd be missing out on one of life's amazing miracles. This fucking banana & coconut milk body wash.
 |
| I may be little, but it's a long way up. |
whoa
wait. was that.
DID SHE
WHAT
WAS THAT A SEX JOKE?
I'm an adult. Do what ah want.
Weird. I guess my GW2 friend is gonna be in L.A next week instead of San Diego? And is doing something with Rot and my roommate? Hm. Alrighty then.
Rot's making me come to bed. He feels like he has power because he's wearing my black satin jammie pants. -__- sigh
Kind compliments are only meaningless in their interpretation. You are strikingly beautiful today just like you were yesterday, which can only lead me to believe that you will be tomorrow as well.
ReplyDeleteBeauty changes. Too often, people only see in themselves or see in others how an appearance has changed and end up seeing it as a loss of something precious rather than seeing it for what it is--the growth of an individual.
When I think back to the people I loved and found beautiful when I was younger and look at them today, all I see is that they've gone from being beautiful girls to beautiful women by trading in aspects of their youthful beauty for a layered and complex beauty that, at once, shows more of who they are and who they have been, than ever it did before.
As for you specifically, I don't personally see that you've traded in anything. But don't be afraid of it when you do. Don't see it as loss. See it as growth. And all that being said, I know you're going to be one of the lucky ones who gets to have so much of both at the same time.
Finally, I loved that you used the word "albeit." That's always hot.
Thank you for this
ReplyDelete