FTW [wow it's been like 16 months im so sorry]

   I'm returning to this post that was abandoned in November, for fear of coming off as an overly-sensitive .... thingy. But for memory's sake, I will resume where I last left off. It's been a long time since I got to sit and write with confidence again.  If it's utterly stupid, please accept my apology. I was in a weird state of mind at the time, so this may come off somewhat outdated and weird or whatever. It's just the first couple paragraphs =\

-------------------------------------------------
    HULLO THAR

    It's been.... a little over a month! That's better than 3 months. What can I say? Shit went down.
And I have SO many photos on my phone that's been piling up since... June lol. That's gonna be a fun process. There are... 1,705 photos on my phone currently lol. How can I even consolidate things? idek..
maybe a list. ya. lists are good. i like lists.

LIST OF THINGS IN MAH LIFE THAT HAPPENED 

(at best, sort of chronologically)

• Anime Expo
• My friend Brian came to visit from out of state and we went to Disneyland
• Parents came to visit for a week. They got to see a lot of fun stuff that SoCal has to offer
• Son of Monsterpalooza
• I turned 28
• decided to be single and good to Cynthia again. 
• Comikaze

And I have photos from all of them! Wayyyy overdue.
but they will be posted, lol. In time.
but in the mean time... I must get some stuff off my chest that will hopefully not just make me feel better, but also maybe help someone who may feel stuck.

So, now that the huge awful thing that happened is out in the open and people know, that affected a LOT of decisions and things in my life. Let me just start out by stressing something really important;
  To many, I'm sure it's not surprising that a break up happened.
 SO.... look.
 Relationships are a two way street. Never, ever, ever, ever allow yourself to be stripped of who you are so that the other person can overcome their own issues. If there is communication from both parties, there's always room to make things right. but...
You have to both work through stuff and make compromises as a partnership. If they're not having it, you get out and be good to yourself.
You must talk, and communicate, with honesty, and keep your partner in the know so that both people are on the same page.
Support one another. Sometimes they just need to be held and know you're there for them.
Grow together, and learn together and from each other.
You both go through experiences as a team, and learn to get through them together, with communication and patience. If someone wants to run away and block things out while the other is baring all the weight alone, the toxicity will destroy you both beyond repair.

 people often forget that relationships are a

P a r t n e r s h i p

do not abandon your partner when they need you there the most

Without these things, misunderstandings begin to fester, trust dissolves, resentment grows, and someone ends up hiding things from the other person, eventually building the path to a break up.

 I wasn't happy for a while, it was probably the loneliest I've felt in a very long time. I had become someone completely different than who I used to be, and hated how angry I was, every day at him or at myself, questioning why I stayed and whether or not he cared about who I had become. Did he want me to remain this way? Did he love me like this? He's hurting, but he had outlets. What could I do with my despair when it overcame me and had no where else to go? The relationship had become one sided, and the partnership aspect... well, much too late I learned he thought it was healthy to for couples to do and enjoy things in different avenues with just about everything because space is important. He thought it was a bad thing for couples to do things together all the time. In the end, this only hurt us more, and he ran too far from me when I was already crying out trying to reach him. 

and it's only after the rain that the rainbow shows itself. I feel myself rejuvenating again. Getting back into my old habits that made me happy and enjoying my PC the way it was meant to be enjoyed. 

EDITED OUT

------------------------------------------------- 

ALRIGHTY THEN
Now that that's over and done with-- lets get back to shit that matters :D 
Damn, like I don't even know where to begin.
The list says Anime Expo, so I guess... we can rewind back to... July? of last year. Holy shit. 

WELP. Here comes the photo dump! 

I specifically remember having an 'oh shit' moment when i thought all my photos from AX had been erased. For some reason, my phone was like I CAN'T READ, and my SD card was like but i'm right here though... and then a few days later my phone decided my SD card was actually there? So, that was nice. It was a bummer thinking all those pictures were lost! 

 

 my ex was L through a tv.

 Note above example.

 So my dreams came true when I ran into Twinrova cosplayers. 

I'm the Poe, obvs.

 That weekend I was going hard with LoZ, lol.

 There was also a LoZ gathering. Was pretty dope.

 But before that there was a Smash Bros gathering

 Cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuute.

 Matt! And my dead-again brother. Because being a spirit isn't dead enough, you have to get killed AGAIN, and then entrapped in a jar.

 

My mask sucks, i need to make a new one. 

 but we look cute walking around together, so.

 winning

 The general is hot, just like in the movie.

 I appreciated this cosplay very much.

 Chel :)

 I can't tell which one is Ryuk

 Tumblr Madoka!

 MITCHY POO POO

DA CUTEST PIKAPOOL EBAAARRRR 

DAW HESSOCYOOT

 so.

this guy. or chick?

just sat there like this for a pretty long time. Kept passing them and they never. moved. 

it was brilliant

 Not 100% sure what's happening here but I don't hate it

 yep. definitely don't hate it.

 

 /slowclap

 ::several hours later::

 And these are extra photos that were linked to me from the LoZ gathering :D

Afterwards, due to basically being worn out from AX, the only logical thing to do was to go somewhere equally as mentally stimulating, apparently.

The Last Bookstore in Downtown LA. 
I had never been, so of course, my first visit is documented with lots of photos!

 This place is really pretty. Like, if there was ever a remake of The Pagemaster (can we not), it should be filmed there.

 just, book gore, everywhere

 hyeh hyeh hyeh

 Those bookshelves are like... fallout bookshelves.

 It's a tunnel. made of books. that leads into the horror section. 

GASP

 idk wtf that is. but i liked it

 And that concludes the AX portion of this entry.
Anime Expo was fun, all thanks to basically seeing my friends there. I almost didn't go because of what happened. The person I went with was little help, and I think they disliked how much I wanted to see Matt (Poe Collector) but like, I'm vain and wanna match with someone. So. like.

Following that, I had a lot of orders for Vault Boy charms. Which was cool, but it was taking up a lot of my time.

 Love making em, but I'm cursed with meticulousness. 

Something that should normally take a lot less time to do for someone less detailed becomes a lengthy process for me. I'm a perfectionist and it fucking sucks.

 Oh and I made this little guy too.

 Saw those Tsum Tsum characters become really popular and I was like wtf they're cute but theyre never gonna make horror ones -sadness-

 so I made a Pinehead one lol

If I had the skills to made a full on plushie of him I would. 
I mean.... I guess I COULD if I really wanted to................................................................. 

.....

....................
okay you know what, I might. doesn't seem that hard. 
Actually, fuck it. I will. He's fucking cute. I'm making one. lol


Also like, Jason... 
he's been so awesome. Always checking in on me and stuff, especially throughout that whole bullshit.

 If it weren't for Ponies and Jason, I would've probably just lost it and gone total emo

and that's disgusting.

You da best, mang. ilu. You always there for me, calling me and checking in on me to make sure I'm alive, lol. Feeding me burritos so I'm not sad. I loooove youuuu so so so much and you're so important to me, and thank you. 

These were from way back around the time that all happened, but I also just saw him a few days ago. And he fed me burritos. xD

also, my housemate noticed I was sad, so one day I came home and saw this on my bed. 

It's amazing how much my friends were there for me in the sneakiest, cutest ways. 

Sad my ex wasn't, but then again, I told him flat-out that we were never friends to begin with--which was true. So I guess that explained why he wasn't really acting like one when shit hit the fan. 

--I digress!

DISNEYLAND THINGS W/ BRIAN AND PEEPS

 So, my friend Brian who lives in a land far, far away (with cheese) came to visit last summer and he's like in love with Disney things.  So guess what happened.

We went to Disneyland GASP

It was pretty awesome. Again, he used his rewards thing to get us in--- I don't know what kind of credit card he has, but he accrues a shit ton of disney points and then he's just able to splurge it and it's like... incredible. If I wasn't so scared of getting more credit cards, I'd apply for it. 

Our journey that day began at my friends' friends' house, who houses adorable animals, such as: 

 

and: 

 it wouldn't stop MOVING. it was this squirmy little thing and it was so cute and i love ferrets so much. back in PA, one of my childhood friends had two and her dad would just let them haul ass around their house. It was awesome. And i like the way they smell ^^

 I was trying to remember exactly when this took place, but according to my ring, it's definitely later on.

 turkey leg is forever imminent.

 why, thank you sign.

 sign was not only helpful, but also accurate.

 So since Brian had never seen the night show (phantasmic?) we stopped and grabbed some breadbowls and enjoyed the view. It was lovely. I hadn't seen it either.

 This was my favorite part omg T_T

 And of course, Haunted Mansion.

Thankfully because it was getting later, the line wasn't bad at all.

 And we saw the Hatbox Ghost :)

 Towards the end of the night, he wanted the spend the last rewards points he had, and asked me to grab something.

 And so baby rancor joined my bedtime snuggle militia. 

He's not that vicious. Pwomise.

As we were heading out, we realized that the parade was about to start also! 

Since Brian had never seen the parade either, we took a seat near the end and enjoyed the show.

 It was gorgeous. My first time checking it out, too :)

 brb crying

 And it ends with Beyonce in the guise of Mr. Disney's famous mouse caricature.

It was really beautiful, definitely the highlights of the trip! And it wouldn't have been possible without Brian, so I owe him a huge thanks for choosing amazing credit card companies and sharing his disney wealth with us. You da shit, mang. Thank you!

And the last photo dump for this update:
My parents' visit over the summer! 

Without hesitation, I will give credit where it's due. One of my ex's strengths was his gift-giving; material as well as intangible. He ventured to impress, and he went above and beyond in making sure my parents enjoyed their trip to Los Angeles.

 His parents selflessly also went out of their way to treat my parents to a lovely dinner at a very lovely restaurant in the Burbank Hills.

 His mom and my mom got along instantly. Their tiny-ness and appetites for cooking, and being super animated and outgoing made them click right away. My mom even gave her some sexy stilettos and his mom totally loved and wore them out the next day. They have the same tiny feet size.

 Watching them interact made me really happy. And I could see the happiness beaming off their faces, so often worn with burdensome worries of money and healthcare.

 And for that evening, my parents were in the clouds with joy and gratitude without a fuck to give.

 Nothing like these places exist in Harrisburg. My dad was astounded by the view.

Additionally, my ex purchased us all tickets to visit the Warner Brothers Studios lot. He was generous with money when he could be. And to that, I owe him a thanks, because of my parents.

 Dad loves this movie.

I have no idea how he could, but he does. 

-_____-;;

 The amount of things to see were endless. It was pretty cool.

 He made me watch Friends a lot. So this was pretty significant.

Reminder: I need to force Buffy and X-Files on people more.

 And my dad, who's visit fell on his birthday [July, 28], insisted that he treat us all to visit Universal Studios. I didn't want him to for obvious reasons, but he was so floored by everything, so ... we went, the 4 of us.

 I look heavier in this photo, I know. 

Shove it. 

 Unfortunately, my ex had to leave early, but we convinced my parents into staying out the remainder of the day at the park, and that I could come get them later when they were finished. They did this, and it was like they were on a little date all by themselves :)

They had a great stay, overall. I recall it being a very hectic week and a half, only because I had to balance so much going on at the same time, but if it hadn't been for my ex, I'm certain that they would've been bored out of their minds and miserable. So for that time, I am grateful. All I want for my parents is for them to relax and be happy. 

And now... it's been 3 days since I've began writing this.
A lot has been going through my head. I wish I could write it all down while it's still fresh. 

Perhaps I will after this. 

Life has been very generous lately, up until recently when it decided that it was being a little *too* generous, lol. But... it is what it is. Onward to potentially greener, but definitely newer pastures, as they say. Or something, I don't really know who says that. It's usually one or the other but in this case I don't really know? Which is both scary and exciting. but I have my eyes set on a goal. Several, in fact. We'll see. Life is an RTS. Gotta play strategically, and do what makes the most sense for the win with every unit you can dish out. and not like in SC either.... my units aren't expendable.

gg, life. but like, i got micro. AND I'M CALLOUS AND PRIDEFUL YOU CAN'T REALLY BREAK ME. 

I WALKED HOME 3 MILES IN THE RAIN WITHOUT A JACKET TO PROVE A POINT TO MYSELF, OK

BRING IT

[if you do, please be gentle because i don't have a credit card yet...]