Hmm. but then.. who would send it back? James Cameron? Linda Hamilton? Whoa. No wait... it'd be Tim Miller. Oh my god, no. It'd be the director of Terminator 3, Johnathon Mostow. Because Furlong was supposed to be in it, but yeeted himself like a month after getting the part.
:(
This is going nowhere, I've just been asking myself this for a few weeks now. And also why are villains portrayed as intelligent or genius? Like.. as if being intelligent is evil. That sucks. I know a lot of intelligent people who aren't evil. And there are tons of intelligent historical figures who were demonized for their obscure, out-of-the-box way of thinking. But it's true, a lot of intelligent peeps also did unspeakable things with their knowledge as a means to obtain more knowledge. Still, that doesn't make intelligence a measure of morality.
Hm.
but then what does? I wish actions did. But it seems that despite the obvious, ones own convictions are totally malleable based on association leveraged by group think. And if there's anything I loathe more, it's group think.
While doing chores this morning, I was reflecting on how much more suited I am for a society with systematized standards that were clear, that everyone could follow. Like in Germany. Their traffic laws. There's nothing complex about it. You can go 180mph. But. There are crystal clear guidelines with zero ambiguity, thus.. everyone is on the same page. If you're driving slow in the fast lane, you're pulled over and ticketed grievously- no questions asked. You can only pass on the left side. You can drive 745037874t97234mph in the furthest left (or designated) lane(s), and if you do, the tread on your tires better be fucking immaculate. All of these are strictly enforced with severe penalties. Whereas here, they should be enforced, but they're not. And depending if it's a sunny day out or not, speeding is whatever. Slow drivers aren't penalized for driving in the fast lanes. It makes me sad. There's so much ambiguity. I hate it. but back to group think.
Anyone who doesn't partake in group think is, based on little more than social pressure to conform, is wrong, or ostracized. Group think is absolutely the dumbest measure of conviction. It can do more harm than good. Recently, I had a disagreement with someone. One of the things that I still replay is how they said "so if everyone says this person is wrong, you're going to give them benefit of the doubt?" And it makes me sad. For a lot of reasons. Mostly that they would think I'd condescend to take group think as a measure of validity for moral calibration. but that's probably not what they meant. I simply took it that way, which is arrogant- as I'm sure my best friend would agree. But yeah, I question everything. And, as often as being teased for understanding things differently has occurred in my life, I think it's to my benefit. It, in my eyes, grants me immunity from succumbing to being utterly compromised emotionally at the sight of contextually ambiguous things. Which I think is why I'm so looking forward to March 2021. I'm counting down the days.
I'm taxed by the notion of debating grey areas without set standards to cite. I can't do it. If I cite standards that are in place, whose meanings have become malleable by context, it no longer works. And I end up confused, and they end up upset.
I did reach out to the person, but they're not responding. So by this point I'm going to assume that the relationship has been damaged beyond repair in their eyes. Which is in their right to feel that way. And so I am severing myself from the connection. It happens. I think this would've affected me differently when I was younger, but over time I learned the important lesson of not undermining yourself, who your are, or your values in order to appease. Which goes to the other person as well. It's important to stick to what you believe in. Otherwise if you bend yourself for other people to like you, you're gonna end up unhappy- mostly with who you allowed yourself to become at the expense of validation. In the end, approval of others will never measure up to how you feel about yourself. troo fax.
One thing though I will emphasize is that in order to present, to me, something debatable, especially if it's nuanced and complex, I need context- otherwise don't bother.
But I also understand that humans aren't.... vulcans? And not everyone is Dana Scully. Who admittedly has been wrong on several occasions in doubting Mulder. But that was because he presented arguments that were grossly beyond our scope of understanding and research as a human species lol. REGARDLESS. i'm not saying i'm as brilliant as Scully, but my approach to ambiguity presented to me is similar to hers. And for that to paint me, as a whole ass person, to be mal and poopy, seems short sighted. because I know i'm not. I just process things differently.
And that.
is why I'm going to school to go work with dead people.
joke.
i mean i am, but. i mean that as literally as it can be taken. which can be funny or insulting. depending on how you feel about yourself. i probably have the emotional capacity of a dead person, so joke's on me. ha ha. !
that's not even true because I cried a lot while playing Detroit: Become Human. and watching Bicentennial Man. and A.I. And animal rescue videos.
What DOES make me sad though is that there's no CLOUD SAVE FOR DARK SOULS III and I'm on my laptop at Chicken's right now. And can't play it :)
my woe. It knows no bounds.
Is it March yet? I need it to be March. What's March? Can't say. But it's good. Good things. Happy things. I only told my mom and my bff.
I'm really grateful for my bff. HI PONIES. IF YOU'RE READING THIS, I'M REALLY GRATEFUL FOR YOU. THANKS AND STUFF. hearts. I'm also really grateful that Chicken isn't a grossly possessive and jealous partner, and encourages my relationship with my bff. Which in turn gives me confidence in our relationship. There was so much I was unsure of, mostly because of my own baggage. Which was fine apparently, because when I talked to Chicken about it all, he was like oh that's cool. Alright I'll help you through it, and I was like whoa that's cool. And here we are almost 3 years later.
^____^
Still though... I wish I could play Dark Souls 3. Sekiro was the first game that FromSoft decided to integrate cloud into. BUT IT WAS STILL FAULTY BECAUSE I LOST MY HEADLESS PROGRESS AND HAD TO KILL THAT BULL TWICE BECAUSE OF IT. It's fine. I'm fine.
writer's note: this sauce is the best sauce.
the pain is delicious.
Um, but quarantine has roused finally some curiosities that I've lately been indulging. One was those fluffy pancakes. The ones with jiggle physics.
They're really hard to achieve. The first two mornings I attempted them, since we didn't have an electric mixer, I whipped the egg whites by hand. It was fucking awful and took about half an hour to whip them to the consistency you see there. IT STILL WASN'T ENOUGH.
Another kitchen experiment:
red beeeeaaannnn yummmmmm
looks even more gross because viscera but you know what
that's why i'm going to school
for
mortsci
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
just kidding. that's not really why. in fact none of this has anything to do with why I'm going into that field.
um but this was the final result lol
looks gross. it was delicious.
I'm obviously not pro, but i'll get there lol. I made these super tiny, no idea why. but... yeah. And there was one morning where i was like huh idk what i want, and we had toast and eggs and remembered in V for Vendetta, how V made those eggs for Evey. And I was like omg that's so cute, I should do that.
BOMB.
V is husband material 100%
um, been practicing my die wunna wungas. getting there.
When I was little, my mom would make us this olive mayonnaise. It was made from botija olives, but I only had kalamata. Still turned out good.
Friday and Saturday, we went to get parting-food at Seoul Street one last time in their Irvine location. Best way we could support them is buy a shit ton of food. But they're gone now, at least for right now. They're in the process of getting things going elsewhere. All I wish for them is success and luck in their journey. I'm gonna be driving wherever they go lol.
oh my hair is purple.
And we had another bbq yesterday
with a s'more-
gasbord
:D
Despite where everyone is right now, I hope we can all remain safe and healthy.
um covid-19 spiked again. nothing is back to normal. don't be selfish. wear a mask.
oh. I had taco bell's diablo sauce for the first time. it's really really good. okay bye
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*aragorn voice* WHAT SAY YOU