Grudge

 Every year, Southern California decides to dry-heave itself into an inferno. I mean I guess... Happy Halloween- is a way to look at it. A bunch of us got a good scare. Spooky. I don't think I'll ever quite get used to like, huge fires threatening cities.

So much fire. Esmeralda all over the place. Damn. Frollo's such a good villain. I'm surprised they didn't censor him for being extra horny on main. You know who else got censored besides Jafar? Ratcliffe. From Pocahontas. Disney censored his song. But we'll talk about that in a bit.

Um. So. We watched Phantom of the Opera this week, but like...

in Final Fantasy XIV

Like, I know FF14 is involved and has many, many, many features that could rival Second Life, but this was insane.

How did it work? Well...
They had a guild house and converted it to look like the concert hall.
Seats and everything. Attendance required that players/guests wear formal outfits.
The 'performers' I'm assuming had timed macro's and coordinated dancing and emotes... it was all really impressive to watch.
Also, this was streamed live.
The people or group or free company or whatever, behind the production are Stellazzio Virtual Theatre. They went all out, it was really really cool.
At the end of the performance, they even rolled credits. Like... high production value credits. It was crazy. I commend that. It's not every MMO that could put on a theatre performance.

Well... Star Wars Galaxies could have. But uh. Yeah.

ANYWAY
You ever mind your own business and then your guy starts laughing

And then shows you this

He's precious.
 

SO PRECIOUS. Because he surprised me with a huge lego kit T____T

I saw this on amazon and was like omg that's like, so cool. I gotta get that one day because I've never had legos! Like, it just wasn't a thing for me growing up. And he was like, nani? And I was like yeah. So I put it in my wish list thingie.

And then, and then, and then and then... T_____T
I WAS SO EXCITED

WAO SO BOX

WAO SO PIECES

I'VE NEVER BEEN, I WANNA GOOOO

WAAAOOO, CAN SEE GHOSTS ON YOUR PHONE, COOOOOOOOOOL!

Section by section, I took my time to take it all in, and piece everything together.

But not before organizing all the pieces for each section first.
That was like, half the fun for me.

I looooove it. It's so satisfying.

WAOOO SO COOL TOWER THING

This took me all day. Probably because I insisted on organizing the pieces before assembling every section. But It was a lot of fun.
End result:

WAAAOOOOO COOOOOL!

It was a happy Sunday. I even made a natural dye from my black petunia petals.

I saw this chick who does stuff on youtube in China where she builds her own stuff from scratch and lives off the land. She made blue dye from blueberries and I was like... oh yeah. I should see if I could do that from my black petunias that wilt. And I did. It's cool. Looks like a little potion.

So yeah, Monday happened and the plants that were outside totally ate shit.

We woke up super early in the morning from the wind. Gorl it was howlin. Chicken rushed downstairs to get outside and check the plants. He came back upstairs with this face like he just witnessed someone die in his arms.
"The plants... they're... I'm sorry.."

The petunias were... wrecked. The basil ate shit and lost a bunch of soil. The purple heart was bent, but thankfully not entirely fractured. We didn't have all of them outside, just a few. But man. It sucked. I did the next best thing and just pruned the shit out of the petunias. Sooooo sad.

Three flowers barely survived. The next day, I cut off the one that was already wilty.
I tried to repot the basil...
But messed up royally. The roots went into shock. Um... yeah.

But, since we couldn't do anything or go outside because the air index was in the 400s, we made the best of it.

The following thing, the air index went down enough that Lifa went out to grab stuff.

Wine, fancy cheese, and mcdonald's
hmmm, mmyeaaawss *twirls stashe* quite.

I also pre-ordered this ghost lego thing! The day I found the big castle on amazon, I was like nooo, I'll save that for another time, I'll just get this one instead. It was available for pre-order. And and and and.. It was cute. So I got it. And it arrived. And and it was so cyoo and fun and T_T

SWEET SMOL BB

We watched the Transformers movie (the og) and Ninja Scroll. The soundtrack for Transformers is so good lol.

Classics. We've been on a ... an old cartoon/anime binge lately. It's nice. Like... we're kids again. All our childhood stuff. And it's fun because we all know the shows. And can just... idk. Kick it.
I wanna get them to watch Wicked City, and then Vampire Hunter D. All Yoshiaki Kawajiri. The man is a legend.

And this man..

llooooolollolololl

Prepared some fat burgers. They were good tho. It'd been a while.

Shit was ridiculous lmao

I love how this topic always comes back round during our convos. But like... why is Disney retconning shit?
Not even like, storywise. They're censoring villains. WHY
The lyrics that come up for the song are changed too. But if you look up the clip on youtube, you can still hear the original version.
Like. Why.
I grew up with villains saying awful shit, why can't this generation? WHAT'S SO DIFFERENT? Hm?
Pocahontas will never get a remake lol. Cowards.
Idk, the whole thing is stupid. Who are they trying to impress? Villains are assholes. That's teh point. They're scum. WHY ARE THEY BEING CENSORED??

Whatever.

Last week, I brushed out the front part of my hair. It was getting boring. I like it, though.
It's been 14 years since I've had loose hair like this to comb through and maintain. It's weird because I'm so used to just putting my hair up and forgetting about it until I got to bed. But now I have to style it, kind of. At least more than I did before. The most I did prior was clip my bangs and fringes- that's it. The occasional dye and shave.
Chicken said if I had it, he'll lock it up again ^_^

So yeah. The petunias are growing again. But the basil...

The stem was turning brown after the firestorms, so I panicked the changed the soil. Except it was fertilizer. It went from bad and wilting, to uh... yeah. Some of it is alive, I'm hoping I transplanted it well enough for it to recover. Additionally, I planted more basil seeds around it. Sigh. All those months of growth, gone.. :(
So I did an emergency run to the garden center and transplanted every plant that needed it.

Purple heart is getting heavy. It'll grow out long, thick, heavy branches with heavy leaves. So I got it a fancy pot to help support it.
And I got a whole bunch of new seeds to plant.
The cilantro got sad too. Idk what's been happening, but I repotted it as well.

Meemurs on the other hand is flourishing. She's gradually blushing; her red color is coming in! It's so cute! There are so many traps growing. I can tell Meemurs is gonna look badass when she gets big.

And uh, Baby Sarlacc is ... flowering??

Idk where that stalk came from. I thought Baby Sarlacc was dying lmao. But uh... idk. Something's working. I guess.

I'm so bummed about the basil plant tho. Buh.

MOVING ALONG to meatier things...

Um. So. I really like ghosts. There's a point to this, bear with me.
Idk when the fascination started spiraling out of control, but... they felt relatable. At least the ones that died with some kind of baggage or grudge or whatever. They can't let go. But they ache so much from it, that their malevolence generally tends to stem from the agony they died with. So like, ghosts don't scare me. Their frightening visuals- it's like if their emotions manifested physically from becoming so distorted. It should scare me, but I just feel bad for them.
Here comes the cheese lol.
Lived in me for almost 20 years.

All this time...
I think that ghost had a lot to do with suspecting and cutting people out so quickly throughout my life. Resenting myself for it, but feeling like it was the best option, before history repeated itself. Like... a cool sad boss fight in Madoka Magica.
And very recently... I exploded finally. Like, it just... boom. And I lost it. Omg my grief seed clouded over lmao.
It's weird tho, because life is good ^_^ and has been! This was a very, very specific, focused thing.

BUT. Happy ending.
I feel dumb for not allowing myself to explode sooner. You think you can pile stuff away and forget it- or at least hope to get over it if you bury it deep enough. Chicken liked to call my coping as putting my baggage in the attic. And when I needed to go up and reorganize, he'd help me. But this was...  I don't think even therapy could've helped with. Too personal and ingrained. But self-loathing and pitying myself isn't like.... I don't like that. Not how I wanna go about my life. So in that sense, idk. what do you do? Except the ol bella swan "suffer in silence". But I wasn't suffering. Just... not letting go of heartbreak loooool.

It wasn't about an old lover btw. Please lol PLEASE

Either way. YAY GHOSTS. But now.. like, the movie ends at that point, right? Because the story's resolved. Yeah. So now what lol.

THE SEQUEL. But there aren't ghosts anymore. I'm overthinking this whole dumb analogy lol.

The important thing is that everything was resolved, and uh, context is important. Definitely.

Damn, two big ghosts in one year tackled! Going to the police about Kelvin Truong, and this one. Woot! Handled! I think I exploded with the Kelvin Truong one too lol. So, perhaps something I'll take from this is... maybe not bottle stuff. I say that and do it anyway :D

For real tho, my problems are mine to deal with, and mine alone. The idea of bringing someone else into the picture... it's not even that I think I'd be a burden or whatever, it's that I hold myself accountable and I'm the only one who can fix it in the end.
So... like... what's the point of bringing in peeps who weren't there, who have zero context, who don't understand or know... y'know
The prospect of seeing things from another perspective can help alleviate my own feelings on the matter by disengaging toxic sentiments I have about myself in regards to what the issue was, but still.
That does as much as positive feedback does... nothing. It's mindset that's clouded, not ego. They're separate. It's why you can't throw compliments at sad/insecure people. You could, but it won't do anything. If anything, just make them feel shittier.
And I'm neither. So. Yeah. That was long winded. But that's how I feel about "bottling" instead of getting therapy.

That's strictly for myself. Idc if people wanna go see someone for help. I get it.


Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooo SPOOKY GHOOSTS FOR HALLOWEEN
Ah, we're not doing anything for Halloween this year. I think just gonna chill and watch anime or something. Probably order chipotle. If I'm real, we've been celebrating every week with dope meals, dope friends, dope shows and anime, DOPE LEGOS. So it's whatevs. I would've liked to have gone out again this year like we did last year. But that can't happen. Ho well. Next year!

And I really hope people are taking the pandemic into consideration. But I'd be naive to believe that that will be the case. Ugh. I don't even wanna think about that now.

Now I wanna watch Madoka Magica again T_T
The concept of witches in that anime is so badass. They're actually just ghosts bosses lmao

Ok i'm gonna shut up now :D

HAPPI HALLOWEINERS
GOOD LUCK ON PULLING YOUR GENSHIN WAIFUS
PLEASE DONT GO TO A LARGE HALLOWEEN PARTY
STAY HOME AND PLAY Animal Crossing ^_^ The halloween event is cute :D
Halloween Steam sale is on right now toooooo!

k bai