Sparkles

YAY.

This week started out so stupid. I cried. Normally, I get myself to cry from watching feel-good videos on YouTube, or playing really intense games, or watching movies I know will make me cry. It's cathartic to cry. But seldom do circumstances drive me to a point where I feel that everything is out of my hands and I've zero realistic options to exhaust to overcome a road block. But that was Monday.
I was in the mindset that up until that point, everything was working out so well... so balance needed restored. Emotions high and unstable, my mind raced at all of the possible outcomes and every other necessary course of action I could take to rectify my situation. Every. Possible. Outcome.
Am I gonna talk about what upset me? I'm not sure yet. But... in the midst of that, it dawned on me how Dr. Manhattan LITERALLY FATHOMS EVERY POSSIBLE OUTCOME EVER. And he's not going crazy. So. I can get through it.
Also my wonderful fiance turned into an emotional support Chicken and accompanied me on errands, just so that in my jeopardized state, I didn't put myself in danger while driving. He conversed with me, and helped me rationalize and compartmentalize my emotions. WHAT AN EARTH SIGH uwu
It was like... that scene in Sweeney Todd when he had judge Turpin in his chair ready to go, and then the kid busts into the door and ruins everything. And Mrs. Lovett is like "easy now, hush love hush, I keep telling you what's the rush?" and he's like "WAIT? YOU TOLD ME TO WAIT"

that. Kind of. So many analogies!

So basically I thought that school and work blew up in my face at the same time. Mostly school. Another year has gone by and things got complicated, but I spoke with a counselor and she was like "easy now, hush love hush, all good things come to those who caaan wwwaaaiiiIIIIT" and I'm like, hokay..

A few days following my breakdown, everything is wonderful again! And I can breathe. And everything is going well. After 4 trillion exhausting emails with my school, Jollibee, a new tablet, and a re-homed medical anatomical model, Cynth's mental state has once again stabilized.

What did I learn throughout?

• I shouldn't try to think of all of the possible outcomes for how to navigate a solution to one road block, because I am not Dr. Manhattan. I would go crazy. 
• It's important to stay in the now, and take things one step at a time. 
• Embrace "I did everything that I could" instead of "I should do more RIGHT NOW because p q r s t u v w x y z that hasn't even happened yet BUT IT MIGHT" - while sometimes that could be the case, it also can work against me.
• Jollibee is always worth the longer trip
  

 
I'm trying to multitask by writing this and watch BEASTARS simultaneously because my friend called me out on it. I normally wouldn't care this much, but she voices the wolf chick LOL soooo.
Off to a great start, I forgot to change from sub to dub.


Oh no. I'm never gonna get this blog post done. The art's cool...
damnit lol.

FOCUS. ALRIGHT.

Tomorrow is my first day of work. Excited is an understatement. There's much to learn, but am going into it completely as a blank canvas to paint my brain with all of the things.

[I hope there's a bat person in this omfg]

Can you believe this is only the 2nd time I've had Jollibee? The first time was years ago at Fanime, when my meal was rudely interrupted by an erratic phone call. Her verbal abuse and berating is more memorable than the meal. But this time... was heavenly. The best thing ever. But it kept being put off because things kept happening. I didn't get to eat until hours later. But I want more

This was Monday, after I broke down and cried for approximately 4 minutes. And was a stressed out wreck the remainder of the day. But I had to drive down to OC to pick up my anatomical model, and some stuff at our old place. The night before, I had a craving for Jollibee. On our way back up, I vowed to make sure that craving was satiated. Thanks to Chicken, the drive was less taxing. We were in the car for 2+ hours from making multiple stops. I'm so grateful to him.

A buddy I met from Blizz was selling his model. He used it as a reference for art- that's so cool lol. I saw it and immediately needed it for my anatomy studies. THANK YOU CHRIS
He thought his kid lost the magnetic weiner, but it has been found! Lo and behold! Gaze upon the medial cut weiner in all it's glory ^_^

And then... not only did Chicken treat me to the model, but he insisted on getting me a new tablet for my language class.

This has been so helpful with my assignments.
My last class we didn't practice writing at all. Just speaking, reading, and recognizing characters.

It's so haaard lol. I'm trying! But I really like using the tablet ^_^

Annnd unlike anything I've ever told myself I'd attempt, I'm already on my 4th book. I usually read 4 novels a year- outside of manga or graphic novels LOL. Too many video games. But I think I found authors and genres that I really enjoy.

His fam got so much yummy food. This last week started dumpy, but sprinkles of good are coming in abundance.

[BEASTARS so far is good. 5th episode now. I find myself resonating with Haru. A lot. Her voice is really nice to listen to.]

Annd since I start work soon, Chicken's mama got me these N95 masks. Ahhh, she's so ... I love her lol

His parents also taught me a little bit of Taiwanese and say little phrases to me sometimes in Mandarin, sometimes in Taiwanese. IT MAKES MY HEART SO HAPPY

Happy sprinkles. Everything is going to be okay. Because... because.
I am not Dr. Manhattan. And that's a good thing.

(having a framed photo of me in cosplay on his desk is such a #cosplaybf thing to do. We could be married and I think I'd still use that label lolol)

For shits and giggles, Chicken decided to roll for Ganyu a day before the banner changed. And he got her. Not only did her get Ganyu, but he wanted Xiangling, too. Guess who he got? 

Xiangling.
And when the banner changed, he got Diona.

It's fine, I'll wait for Hu Tao. And I'll roll for both her and Qiqi until I get them both, level them, and my life will be complete, and I can die happy. My funeral director waifu and my sweet jiangshi loli. Probably with Beidou and... idk. Idk yet. Yeah. SIGH. Their lore is so cute I NEED THEM.

Okay. Well. So far, BEASTARS is cool. Lauren said it's like Zootopia for adults.

This month is Lunar New Year. We got stuff to decorate with. Gonna look so cyoo. And BlizzcOnline! That's gonna be a treat- for so many reasons lol.

HAPPY SPARKLES

I gotta prep everything for tomorrow. Big excite.

This would've taken less time to finish if it weren't for watching BEASTARS. So distracting, haha.

ALRIGHT.
Happy Friday!
I go eat yummy stuff nao.
Please wear a mask
HOKAY BYE